My Thoughts on Sex and BDSM

We’ve been going back and forth about BDSM lately. In her latest post, “Do You Understand?” Mrs. Lion said that it was my fault because I don’t tell her what I want. For example, instead of complaining we don’t use our restraints, I should ask her to use them on me. It sounds like she wants a script of what specific activities I want.

That doesn’t sound like much fun to me. It feels, well, commercial. I’ve been trying to suggest activities indirectly. What does it mean if I say, “We haven’t used our restraints lately,” or “The shock collar is on my desk charging, ” or “we haven’t done anal play in a long time.”

Are those just complaints? Maybe they are hints. I’m trying to signal what might be fun for me. I figured that I’ve been pretty transparent. No one ever accused me of being subtle. My idea is that if I just suggest things that have been neglected, I’m gently reminding my lioness without putting pressure on her to do it now.

I guess that doesn’t work.

We managed to figure out how to handle spanking. We even made it useful. Do we need to create a concrete plan for bondage, butt play, etc. That could be challenging. Actually, we had a way to manage it. Remember the Box O’Fun? When Mrs. Lion used it without consulting me about my mood, we were both having a good time. Maybe using it every day was too much. How about a game to decide if it gets used on a specific night? Flip a coin? I’m sure that my lioness can come up with something.

She brought up one other point: the pause button. For some reason, she seems to believe that I am the only one who can use it. If she wants to make things more than casual, can’t she pause the TV?

There is a much more significant issue under all this. If sex and BDSM are just for me because doing them for me is a chore, then I guess I should be calling the shots. If it’s something she does for me, maybe it makes sense to recognize how important it is for me not to control the action.

Yes, I know that I suggest most of what we do. That’s not topping from the bottom. It’s lion education. Making me decide when and where ro do it, takes a lot of the fun out of it for me.

2 Comments

  1. I can relate to this also. My wife does not have enough sexual drive to start things, or at least not nearly as often as I would like to. Yet when I start something or suggest something she says that I should have let her decide what to do.
    Damned if I do, darned if I don’t!
    I am also trying to not be topping from the bottom. What do you think Lion, should we have just continued to be tops?

    1. Author

      Nah. We just need to work hard not to be greedy bottoms.

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