This is my third attempt to write this post. I’m getting frustrated. I’m trying to understand how my worldview differs from a female worldview. In a previous attempt at this post, I talked about other mammals and their behavior. That got me nowhere. I know that women seem to relate to some important things in a very different way than me.
The most obvious example is that women are much more social than men. By and large, most women seem very comfortable being physical with one another. They hug and kiss; they even share beds sometimes. Sex doesn’t seem to be in the air. Companionship can be sex-free. I’m not comfortable being that way with other men. I just don’t like it. Yet, I am very happy sharing a bed with a woman, even if no sex is involved.
I wonder how it feels to be female. I’m a heterosexual male. I can imagine doing sexual things with another man. I don’t consider that gross. I just don’t want to. I don’t think the male and female experiences are primarily about sex. It feels like we are different in more profound ways. Let’s face it, anyone of either sex can provide orgasms to one another.
I feel no desire for close male companions. Women seem to naturally form groups for work or social purposes. The women I know often refer to males in their lives as children or funny companions. It isn’t out of a sense of superiority. It seems to be an acknowledgment of male social awkwardness. Women seem to have a natural sense that they need to nurture their mates. It feels like maternal instincts are always turned on and apply to men and children.
My instinctive role is possessive. I need to protect and keep my mate. This contrasts with her need to nurture. Traditional, male-dominated societies promote this male role by sanctioning social and physical control of women. Take a look at Saudi Arabia as an example. More enlightened societies claim equality for both sexes. Progress has been made, but even in the US, women are paid less than men for the same work.
Inside the marriage, things can be much more confused. I knew a couple who were determined to create full equality. They had an enormous piece of cardboard on which they built a chart of every chore and then distributed them equally. It was exhausting just to look at. Most relationships work toward some sort of equilibrium. The distribution of work isn’t equitable but is accepted by both partners.
Mrs. Lion and I have never been feminist or political about our relationship. We try to get things done as best we can. That means we leave some tasks undone for a long time. Sooner or later, we get around to them. We still have boxes from our move three years ago that must be unpacked. We’ll get around to them eventually.
Even though we practice domestic discipline and male chastity, I’m still the traditional male leader. My theory was that if I asked for domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion would have a tool to make things more equal. She could punish me if I didn’t pay attention to what she wanted. It hasn’t worked so far. Yes, I get spanked for breaking rules she created, but not for upsetting her. I hope she can expand her scope to include those things.
I’m reminded of lions. The females allow the lion freedom to act as leader. If he goes too far and upsets a lioness, she will bite him painfully in the ass. He won’t retaliate. He contritely accepts the correction. That’s the sort of structure I want for us.
So we have a lot to learn from the lions.