Lion said he was tired yesterday. He said writing takes a lot out of him. He’s also said that writing makes him less interested in sex. For those reasons, I assumed he wasn’t interested last night. Wrong. Near 10 pm he said something about my not paying attention to him. When I said I thought he was tired, he wondered where I would have gotten that idea.
Yesterday, I sent the robot vacuum through the bedroom to get rid of dog fur and assorted other messes. Last night, Lion didn’t get much sleep. Perhaps the vacuum stirred up more allergens than it cleaned. He was itchy and miserable. I sent the vacuum around again this morning. I’m hoping it helped more. He’s napping now. Despite the fact that he’s told me he’s tired, I am not going to fall for it. I’ll ask him if he’s interested in sex later on. If he’s not, I’ll understand. Being tired is a very good reason for not wanting attention. If he is, I’ll pull out the clothespins I promised yesterday.
I don’t want to keep making these assumptions and disappointing Lion. He worries about being turned down so he doesn’t like to initiate. He also thinks if he asks I’ll feel obligated to do things for him. He shouldn’t worry about either thing. I’ll make sure I ask him every night, or at least let him know if I don’t feel up to doing anything. I won’t assume. I’ll ask and he can tell me directly. I guess that makes it fairly transactional, but it’s the only way I can make sure he gets what he needs without any misunderstanding.
It’s always better to ask directly than to guess.