I want to write about what happened last night (I’m writing this on Wednesday afternoon), but I’m unsure how to say it without sounding negative. Mrs. Lion gave me an orgasm with the Magic Wand. That’s the objective part. In her post yesterday, she wrote about it (Do You Want the Good News or the Bad News?) The subjective side is considerably more complicated.
Everyone over thirty knows that sex is more than stimulation and orgasm. Before thirty, there isn’t time to contemplate the subtleties. Even when the sex is one-sided, the way mine is, more is going on than stimulation and orgasm. Last night’s Magic Wand session is a good example. First, let me say I didn’t expect violins and sweet talk. Sex for us has never been exactly romantic.
Since Mrs. Lion lost her libido, foreplay is generally some uncomfortable activity like clothespins or IcyHot on my balls. I generally find that stuff exciting. In past years, the added spice of being locked into a male chastity device was part of the sexual landscape. There’s never been anything else.
I don’t see how there can be. Sex is like tennis. It’s generally a game for two. Yeah, you can also play doubles, but that’s a different post. Anyway, you can also hit a tennis ball against a wall for practice. It’s not the same as a game with someone else. Sex is the same. Masturbation is the hitting-against-the-wall version. At least that’s what I thought.
Another version that’s not as lonely is one-person sex is what Mrs. Lion and I do. We aren’t having sex or making love. She is getting me off. I’ve learned that is a very significant distinction. There is no give and take, no seduction. I have no active part. She’s getting me off out of the goodness of her heart. I’m grateful that she does, but it just doesn’t feel like tennis.
I don’t know what the alternative is. Maybe there isn’t one. Even if you include the teasing and orgasm control, it doesn’t feel like sex. Sure, I enjoy the orgasms. I love getting oral attention. That really feels good. But I’m not doing anything. Since I’m not giving pleasure, I always wonder when I’ll stop being her favorite charity. If you read her posts for the last year or so, you’ll see that she’s often tired or achy and discusses why she can’t keep her sexual promises.
She’s telling the truth about the way she feels. I suspect that part of the reason she feels that way at bedtime is, at best, a lack of interest in getting me off. It makes sense. If her libido were awake, there would be a motivation to be sexual. As it is, she has to sit or lie in an uncomfortable position and do something that ends up hurting her shoulder or some other body part. I’m not imagining it. It’s documented here.
I’m not whining about lack of attention. My point is that it’s impossible to have a sexual dimension if I’m the only one interested. I know that I’m not alone in this situation. If there is a good solution to this problem, I’m not aware of it. I know that I’m lucky. Mrs. Lion actively tries to give me sex. I am grateful for her attention. It’s not her fault that I am feeling this way. I’m tired of being her 9 PM chore. Maybe it’s time just to stop.
[Mrs. Lion — I don’t want to seem indelicate here, but even when sex was a two-way street, I did most of the “work”. Generally, I revved him up and then had to rev myself up. Back in the day, Lion had an orgasm every night. There’s no way I was up for one for myself that often. I did have orgasms fairly frequently. As a guess, I’d say less than once a week. Lion would do something, in the sense that he’d give me oral sex or use his fingers. Less often, he’d give me anal sex. Because of this, I inadvertently “taught” him to only have sex on his back. Anal sex with him behind me is, well, behind us in the distant past. Believe it or not, I miss anal sex more than I miss wanting orgasms. There’s just something about being taken from behind.]
I can certainly relate to this. My wife tells me that her libido is completely gone and the interest is just not there. Meanwhile, I am thinking about sex, well maybe not all the time like when I was younger, but very often. So we often engage in the same thing of sex for one. Sometimes she is doing things to or for me because she wants to keep me happy. But like you say, I don’t want it to be a chore. I suppose there will come a time, soon maybe, where I reach some state of male menopause and my lack of libido matches hers. I have even thought that maybe I need some sort of hormone therapy to hasten that along. That thought certainly saddens me as sex has meant so much to me for many years and I hate to see it go. “Maybe it’s time just to stop”. This is my thought when I am in despair. So far, that is a few days before my wife surprises me with some incredibly hot sex scene! And off I go again!
It’s really difficult for both partners. I’m sure that Mrs. Lion feels guilty for letting me down. I also feel guilty for making her need to do things that don’t do anything for her. Like you, I’ve considered just giving up on sex. The problem is that without any sex I think we would stay friends and roommates, but the intimacy that sex, even one-way sex offers, would be lost.
While it isn’t perfect, imperfect sex is surely a lot better than none. My wife is not, and never has been, interested in bringing me off. No blowjobs ever, a couple of handjobs, done while she was playing with her tablet. A few fairly disinterested spankings, usually only given when I had reached the end of my tether emotionally regarding the lack of a sex life. Didn’t enjoy intercourse back when we had it. Occasionally enjoys me sucking her breasts and bringing her off by fingering her clitoris. Has never permitted oral sex and her vagina is now off limits. Periodically allows me to rub my penis against her bottom while she’s playing with her tablet. That’s been the sex life.
Obviously there’s many good aspects to the relationship or we wouldn’t still have one but it’s been a disaster sexually. Comparatively speaking, I feel that you’re doing quite well. If you were to stop having sex, I can’t see that you would feel better. Mrs Lion is clearly getting some benefits from having sex with you or she wouldn’t still be doing it. Is she getting as much out of it as you would like? No. But that doesn’t mean that it’s all a one way street.
Your description seems rather dismal. I guess it’s the old story. I felt bad because I had no shoes until I met someone who had no feet.