Mrs. Lion spanked me on Wednesday night. It wasn’t the worst spanking she’s given me. I was particularly unhappy about getting it because I felt down about my writing. I’ve believed that I could write a novel that I could get published. I’m no longer confident that I’m a good enough writer to do that. If I’m not able to write, then what will I do?
I planned to make writing my new career. I can’t pursue my old one because I’ve lost too much vision. I can’t drive anymore, and I have a hard time navigating busy places. I figured that writing would be a good choice since I can do it at home. It never occurred to me that I’m not a novelist.
Writing for this blog isn’t even close to writing commercial fiction. My education was in business and then computer science. I’m untrained in literature. Hell, I can’t even find current books similar to mine. When trying to pitch my book to a prospective agent, that’s a requirement.
I’m writing about this because it affected my acceptance of my spanking. I guess I wasn’t emotionally intact enough on Wednesday night. I got through it though I had to use my “yellow” safeword once. I’m usually optimistic. Even when I struggled in the past, I didn’t feel as emotionally lost as I do now.
Now that I whined to you, I’m going back to the manuscript and will try to figure out if there is anything I like about it. See you tomorrow.