I lie down on the bench and let Mrs. Lion strap me down. I have at least ten minutes to regret my decision. Yes, this is me.

I usually hate word games. Mrs. Lion loves them. However, I’m addicted to Wordle. So far, I’ve only failed to guess the word once. Today I got it in my second guess. I won’t give it away, but let’s say that my interest in spanking helped. I discovered a blog that I enjoy a lot. I found it via Julie’s blog. It’s called butt-stuff. The owner is a thirty-something woman who enjoys, is addicted to, getting spanked. I have no idea how much her writing is about her reality. I like it.

Speaking of spanking, I was sure that Tuesday night would bring me an unpleasant spanking. I’m due. It’s been 26 days since my last one. I also racked up an offense when I forgot the coffee pot a week ago. It’s a very odd feeling. I am turned on, thinking that Mrs. Lion will be spanking me. At the same time, I was very relieved last night when she didn’t bring out her spanking bench.

Wanting and not wanting the same thing is mind-bending. Part of me craves being strapped to the bench. Another part fervently hopes she will forget and let me watch TV in peace. How can I want something I hate? Am I crazy? I suppose this is the same feeling people get when they anticipate a gift and then get upset if the giver spills the beans about what it is.

Since Mrs. Lion’s spankings are so intense, the conflict between wanting and not wanting one feels truly weird. I understand why this contrast is necessary. If the spankings were fun or sexy, they wouldn’t serve to correct me. If I weren’t attracted to being spanked, Mrs. Lion would have trouble getting me in position for a beating.

A moth is attracted to a flame. It doesn’t understand what will happen when it gets too close. I, on the other hand, know exactly what will happen after Mrs. Lion cinches the thick leather strap around my torso. Still, like the moth, I’m drawn ineluctably to lie face-down on the bench and await my fate.

Listen to this post.


  1. I wrote about that “conflict” in my latest post from a top and bottom point of view:
    “We want the fear of another session to dominate your thoughts for the next week or so, so that you’ll be simperingly eager to please so as to avoid another discipline session. But then the craving starts. And the craving to be disciplined, and the fear of the discipline, balances, and you behave. But eventually, with no reduction whatsoever in the fear, the craving takes over and I’ll find those dirty dishes in the sink once more, and we’ll repeat the process.”

    1. Author

      I’ve never gotten to the point that I actually left the dishes in the sink, so to speak. I know you have. 😉

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