Lion wondered what his new rule was that I outlined yesterday. When I thought about it some more, I realized it’s just part of the don’t-piss-me-off rule. If he thinks his work is more important than mine, it pisses me off.

Don’t do that, Lion.

I did think of a real new rule just a few minutes ago. Since Lion doesn’t usually wear a shirt, he doesn’t usually spill anything on himself anymore. I never said he couldn’t spill on his chest or face. On the other hand, it’s not okay to spill things on the bed either. Last week, I had just changed the bed, and we were eating dinner, and Lion spilled food on the comforter. I just changed it. Do you know how frustrating that is?

Changing the bed is one of my most hated, he-can’t-help-me-with-it chores. I do not want to do it twice in one day. I don’t even want to do it weekly. (I’m a slob.) I can’t tell you how long I’d wait to change the bed if it was up to me. You’d probably barf. You’re probably barfing now, knowing I don’t want to do it weekly. How often are you supposed to change a bed? Yeah. No. I wouldn’t. Lion is the only reason I change it as often as I do. So why would his spilling food onto the bed become a rule? It’s because he’ll be after me to change it again, possibly sooner than I want to, which we already established is not often.

If he can clean up his act (literally) by not spilling on his shirt, maybe he can do it with the bed. There’s his first new rule in a long time that really makes sense. Of course, I suppose even this could fall under the don’t-piss-me-off rule, but then most things could. What’s for dinner? Don’t piss me off. Can you get the mail? Don’t piss me off. I’m not that bad. Well, I’m not quite that bad.

You’ll be happy to know that the poor, hen-pecked Lion got an orgasm last night. It was the first time we felt well enough to do anything sexual. I edged him a few times first. I had to. I couldn’t just let him think he would have an orgasm on the first try. That’s no fun. Plus, it builds suspense. I’d like to say it builds semen, but he hasn’t produced much lately. I think he’s out of practice. No problem. I’ll make sure he gets more.

Listen to this post.