Over my adult life, I’ve had the good fortune to experience both sides of the power exchange coin. As a top (dominant in Internet terminology), I’ve done scenes with scores of women as well as “owning” a 24/7 “slave” for a decade. During that time, like almost every other “dom” I’ve known, I also bottomed some of the time. My experience has taught me a few useful lessons.
The first is almost obvious. Tops (doms) do things. Bottoms (subs) experience things. The obvious mistake you can make when you read that is to assume that being submissive is to be passive. Experiencing something isn’t the same as passivity. I’ve learned that most people would rather bottom than top given a choice. An old friend of mine put it best, “It’s more fun to be done than to do.”
Most of our readers are bottoms. Tops are far less interested in reading about power exchanges. Why? Because topping is work. It’s a service. By definition, a top can’t get immersed into a scene. The top has to maintain perspective and guard the physical and emotional safety of the bottom. On the other hand, the bottom is free to disappear into experience, only to emerge when the scene is over.
I did a lot of reading and went to workshops to perfect my techniques as a top. Later, when I ran workshops on various topping skills, I noticed that almost all attendees were bottoms. Sure, there were some tops there, but most were bottoms. Attending a spanking, caning, flogging, etc., workshop was a chance to vicariously experience the activity.
I also taught workshops for bottoms as well. Remember, experiencing isn’t the same as passive acceptance. If I were a passive bottom, spanking me would be the same as beating a pillow; useless and unrewarding. Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly like to spank me, but she sees value in doing it. The value comes from how I experience it and change as a result.
Bottoms often mistake self-serving fantasies for the kind of rewarding interaction a top desires. For example, how many guys who want to be locked in a chastity device think that they can make it worth their top’s while by giving her more oral sex? How many women would agree with that? You get the point.
Mrs. Lion tops me because she knows it makes me happier and more interested in sex. I am careful to let her know how much I appreciate the work she does to top me. The fact that we have been doing it for years doesn’t change anything. Topping is a service. I’m grateful to my lioness for providing it.