Couple Therapy

Even though we have been together nearly twenty years, I’m still not sure what Mrs. Lion likes when it comes to sex. She’s a very agreeable lioness and generally responds with, “It’s OK,” when I ask her if she likes something. Certainly, that’s diplomatic, but not very informative. She’s never said, “I really like blah.” I don’t remember her ever telling me she likes something unless I ask.

This usually leaves me frustrated. I keep hoping that she will say, “This is fun!” when doing something to/with me. She’s written that she likes sucking my cock. I’m glad about that. I can’t recall any other spontaneous expression of pleasure or interest. I’m not complaining. She willingly does many things I’ve asked her to try. She spoils me.

I think there is a big difference between something done as a service and something fun. I spent over 20 years as a top/dominant. Much of what I did was a service to my partner. I get it. Everything can’t be fun for both partners. Some were. I enjoyed spanking and masturbating my partner. I liked to make her give me oral fun. I liked anal play. I wasn’t crazy about bondage (lots of work for me). I did a lot of it anyway. It’s a big turn-on to bottoms. I liked playing with nipples. Loved those little screams.

Anyway, BDSM was a combination of service and fun. My partners got off when they saw (my erection) or heard that I liked an activity. It made them want more. In fairness to Mrs. Lion, she never tried any of this stuff before she met me. I suspect she could have gone through her life without missing it if she had never gotten involved with me.

We’ve gotten close a couple of times. She likes catching me breaking a rule. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough rules for her to get much pleasure in that area. I’ve encouraged her to make more, even silly ones, just to move the game along. She said she likes Zapardy and Spankardy but hasn’t initiated play in many months. It may be more trouble than fun for her. I invented all of the above. She is probably just accommodating me.

I am not minimizing the value of all this. It works well for me. I’m a happy camper. I’m also smart enough to know that unless there is something in it for her, sooner or later, she will tire of doing things for me. Even if she doesn’t, it’s a drain on her energy and a source of guilt for me. I worry about this a lot.

I tend to initiate any play we have. I don’t do it verbally. Generally, I’m indirect either through email or posts. I hesitate more and more to suggest activities. Lately, even when I do, Mrs. Lion doesn’t act. Again, this isn’t her fault. She’s been having sinus headaches and other pains that get in the way. She’s been more withdrawn from me lately. I don’t know why. It may be what I said earlier. Her service reservoir may be down to the bottom. I can’t blame her. I just wish I could find something we can do that she likes.