Lion was watching reruns of Match Game this morning and in the bonus round, the phrase was “Queen of ____”. I said “the Nile” but then the old joke of queen of denial popped into my head. I told him I’m the queen of denial. I deny him orgasms. For the past few days, I’ve denied him everything.

I picked up our grocery order on the way home and I was unloading onto the porch when the door opened. Lion thought it was Stanley Steamer coming to clean the carpet again. Nope. Just me. I unload the car so I can avoid having psycho puppy trying to get out the door as much as possible. Normally I use the back door. I put the bags on the deck where she can see me but not get out. Anyway, Stanley Steamer was about to show up. I was trying to unpack groceries, deal with the jumping dog and navigate around Lion. Then I was dealing with Lion in the middle of the kitchen trying to put dinner in the oven. Sometimes there’s too much traffic in the kitchen. It’s frustrating.

We talked about spanking since the spanking bench was still in the hall. He said he thought I put it there intentionally to send him a message. I did put it there intentionally. I needed it out of the way while I waxed him. It was only afterwards that I realized it sent a message. I thought maybe it was a good idea to make use of it since it was out. And I fully intended to spank him. Then we ate dinner.

On Sunday, Lion’s tummy was off. Last night, mine was. I can stand a certain amount of pain. I can stand it when my stomach is upset. What I hate is nausea. Where did it come from? Things were fine. And then they weren’t. Yuck! It dragged on for the better part of the night. Lion said that’s how he felt the night before. He thought it was from something he ate. I have no idea what triggered mine.

So for another night, we did nothing. It’s difficult to snuggle when you’re afraid to move because it might set things off. I guess the good thing is that I still haven’t moved the spanking bench. It’s in the hallway, taunting Lion. Every time he goes to the kitchen, he’ll see it. Part of him will be excited about being spanked and part of him will dread it. Poor, conflicted Lion. He certainly won’t be conflicted once he’s strapped in and that first swat hits.

I won’t promise we’ll do anything tonight. That’s like playing with fire. We’ll see how we feel. It’s no use forcing things.

travel spanking paddle

Stanley Steemer didn’t get the dog pee smell out of my office. They are trying again today (Monday). I hope they can get rid of it. I can only stay in it if we have an exhaust fan blasting air outside. Unsurprisingly, the dog isn’t bothered by it at all. Mrs. Lion was busy on Sunday. She installed the replacement water filters and gave me a Brazillian. I’m nicely waxed. She also took time to take advantage of the oil she used to remove excess wax to play with my penis. It felt very good.

I need to get back to writing my book. The smell in my office is too much for me to stay long. I’ve been writing on my laptop, but I don’t like the keyboard as much as the one I have for my desktop. Hopefully, the smell will be gone today. I’ve been thinking about a completely different approach to my latest book. It may be too difficult to rewrite completely. I’m over 40,000 words in. Oh well.

Mrs. Lion said that she plans to ride me for my next orgasm. That’s exciting! That would be the cherry on top of our currently-vanilla lifestyle. Well, not entirely vanilla. She still decides when I get to ejaculate. Let’s just say vanilla for us. This happens when Mrs. Lion has a lot to do and isn’t feeling her best. Her shoulder has been bothering her. I’m fine with the hiatus. She’s entitled to time off from lion taming. I’m pretty well trained, and I’ve kept out of serious trouble. I haven’t been spanked in over three weeks. I’m sure that when she feels better, I will get a “just because” spanking.

I’ve been trying to watch my behavior. I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion has been noting times that I’ve annoyed her. I want her to resume being vigilant. I’m convinced that when she punishes me for upsetting her, we are both happier. Meanwhile, I will continue doing my best to make her happy.

I am sitting here at boring work trying my hardest to stay awake. My officemate’s last day was Friday. She refuses to get vaccinated so, per Washington state mandate, she had to leave. It’s quiet and lonely. My boss is covering another location because one of the workers decided to ghost us last week. How do you just walk off a job? Something horrendous would have to happen for me to do that.

I guess we had a good weekend. I got stuff done that has been waiting for me to get around to doing. I made it to Costco. I replaced the water filters. I waxed the Lion. I didn’t get to laundry, but I can do a load or two tonight. I got my Lion all hot and bothered while I was oiling him up to get the remnants of wax off him. He wasn’t sure he’d be ready for Lion riding last night. I don’t think he was but having an oily erection was a good start.

We haven’t really been doing anything lately. It’s usually like this a day or two after an orgasm, but we’re four or five days out now. Lion’s tummy was bothering him a few nights. I’ve been sort of tired. It has been a fairly demanding few weeks. I need a day off. If I could just vegetate in front of a fireplace with some music playing in the background, it would be so nice. Maybe even sitting on a deck somewhere overlooking a lake or stream. Something calm. No dog jumping. No chores needing my attention. No flooded basement. Ah, dreams.

Maybe tonight I’ll snuggle with Lion and see if that gets us anywhere. No pressure. If he’s not feeling well or if I don’t manage to wake up enough by then, we’ll just snuggle. It’s nice being close under the covers no matter what we do or don’t do.

When I cleaned out the pantry so I could wax Lion yesterday, I moved the spanking bench into the hallway. Should that be a hint to him? It’s been a while since I’ve dragged it out for its intended purpose. Maybe I need to use it tonight. I’m not aware of Lion interrupting me or annoying me. Of course, so much has been annoying me lately, I may be desensitized. Lion thinks I was annoyed when we were doing the water filters. He asked a question. I answered. Then he asked the same question again. I raised my voice when I answered again. He told me to calm down. I wasn’t not calm. I was just answering a question again in a louder voice so he could hear me if he’d missed it the first time. Sometimes he doesn’t hear me. Sometimes he hears me but he hasn’t listened. That’s when it becomes annoying.

kiss I do it to him too. He’ll say something and I say “OK” and he thinks it’s a yes when it’s just an acknowledgement that I’ve heard him. If I don’t respond, he thinks I haven’t heard him and he repeats himself. If I then raise my voice and say “OK” louder, he thinks I’m yelling at him. Either we both need hearing aids or we just need to work on our responses. It gets tedious to say, “I heard you and I’m thinking about it.” Maybe we need walkie talkie lingo like “copy” or “10-4”. Maybe we need walkie talkies. We have Alexa, but then you have to drop in on a certain room which means you have to know where the other person is. Lion frequently comes looking for me because he doesn’t know where I am. It’s hard to get lost in a small house, but he thinks I can I guess. Anyway, it would be helpful if you could just say, “Alexa, tell him I heard him.”

a good starter paddle for her

I think that men don’t write much about how they feel about things. We write about what turns us on, or at least what we think turns us on. We rarely discuss how we feel about what happens to us. Years ago, I had a relationship with two women. I’ve written about it before. One liked to top me, and the other was a bottom. Convenient for a switch like me.

Anyway, the top would attach my cuffs to a chain hanging from the ceiling and then paddle my bottom and flog me. She did a great job, and my endorphins went wild. One Saturday afternoon, she asked me to top her. I fastened her wrists to the chain and flogged and paddled her. She was having a good time. I could tell because she was dripping wet. After I finished, we snuggled in bed. She asked, “Do I hit you that hard?”

I answered, “Yes. Usually harder.”

She got quiet. The next time I bottomed, she was considerably more gentle. She imagined how she felt when I beat her. She couldn’t bring herself to do what she did before. I broke my top. Afterward, I mentioned it to her. She admitted that she imagined how it felt when she was hitting me. I explained that lion hide is considerably thicker. She laughed. It took a while for her to get back in the swing of things.

That experience taught me two things: I learned it wasn’t a good idea to switch with someone who hadn’t bottomed before. It wasn’t that she would be traumatized. She would back off because she imagined my experience was like hers. The second lesson was to be careful what I shared about my experience.

For example, I’m very unhappy when Mrs. Lion spanks me. You’ve seen the results. She gives me a serious, adult spanking. I absolutely hate the experience. If I shared how unhappy she made me when she did it when she was first starting out, I guarantee that she would back off. Now, after years of experience, she is glad when I hate my spanking. I’m supposed to, and she knows it. She also knows I need regular spankings to keep me on track behaviorally and sexually. I’m probably overdue now.

My reactions to BDSM and discipline are complex. If I share the discomfort and dislike for some things my lioness does to me, she might take that as a signal to back off. If I write about my fantasies where even meaner things are done to me, it’s unlikely she would connect them to my reality.

This is why I don’t share detailed accounts of how I feel about things that are done to me. They will almost certainly be interpreted as signals to change those activities. For example, unsurprisingly, it burns like hell when Mrs. Lion slathers my balls with IcyHot. I will be in a lot of pain and will complain to her. Without fail, she will let me go wash off the nasty stuff. On the other hand, if I complain and yelp during a spanking, she ignores me and continues beating me. What’s the difference?

We’ve spent hundreds of hours discussing and experiencing spanking. Mrs. Lion wants me to feel the results of my bad behavior. It’s a mark of her ability to see me squirm and hear me yelp. Tying me down and slathering my balls with IcyHot is BDSM play. I don’t think she has a clear idea of just how uncomfortable she is willing to make me. She lets me decide. That’s a mistake. If I’m bottoming, the last thing I want to do is decide when things should stop. I have a safeword if I need the scene to end. Short of that, it’s up to her. Sharing how I am feeling results in the scene ending.

Is that right? Maybe Mrs. Lion forgets I have a safeword. Painfully burning balls is her intended result when she uses that stuff on me. When I report that’s what is happening, shouldn’t she be happy with her success? Or, should I grit my teeth and shut up because any complaint will end the scene? Mrs. Lion is a careful top. She tries new things gradually to gauge my reaction.  If she overdoes it a bit, I’ll live. I do remember my safeword if I need to use it.