Mrs. Lion received a comment about her post “Not the Damn Fence Again” yesterday. It’s from a commenter who regularly accuses Mrs. Lion of being too violent and unfair in her choice of reasons to punish me. This latest one shows his misunderstanding of why she is punishing me. He is responding to the promise to spank me for arguing about her ideas for a fence:
“That seems really awful and unfair. He should have the right to express his opinion without a fear of being hurt. He is supposed to anticipate what research you have done? This is punishing some one for not being a mind reader. This is what happens when someone gets the unilateral power to inflict physical suffering and answers only to her own conscience. Luckily, he’ll rationalize if and defend you, so you don’t have to give it a second thought.”
Mrs. Lion responded in a comment. I think he brings up a point that needs discussion. He is responding to her, deciding to spank me for arguing with her. He says that I have the right to object and express my opinion. I do. I don’t have the right to make Mrs. Lion feel unappreciated or unqualified to have her idea.
Granted that she is sensitive to feeling unheard. I know this. It’s thoughtless of me to respond in a way that feeds on her feelings. There were a lot of ways I could have discussed this issue without pissing her off. I did what was easy for me instead of considering how I would affect her. This is exactly the sort of situation that I hope she catches and punishes. It has nothing to do with expressing my opinion. It’s about how I went about doing it.
It’s absolutely fair for her to respond with her paddle. She isn’t trying to suppress my opinion. She is helping me learn to be more considerate when I express it.
No. You are not responsible for her feelings. She is. She is making you responsible for how she feels instead of dealing with it herself. Any competent therapist will tell you that we are all responsible for our own feelings. She has insecurities that get triggered by aspects of your personality, and instead of dealing with the origins of those insecurities and healing them, she punishes you so she doesn’t have to face them. It may not matter as much since you are an adult and can withdraw consent and because the sexual charge you get blunts its effects, but that is a pattern of behavior that countless kids have been subjected to by parents, and it causes lasting damage. You seem very secure and confident so that is likely not an outcome of concern. I mention only to highlight that punishing people for “making” you feel a certain way is not at all healthy.