Is It Legal To Shoot Porch Pirates?

Caught in the act! This scumbag stole our packages on Monday. Recognize him? Please let us know. Click image to view full size. Feel free to spread the word.

Yesterday afternoon, a porch pirate stole packages from our front door. We have a Ring video doorbell, and it captured the theft. This is nice, but law enforcement doesn’t take crimes like this seriously. I filed a police report with the county sheriff. That’s as far as this will go. It doesn’t matter that I have clear images and videos of the crime. The sheriff doesn’t care.

OK, you could argue that stealing from a pair of lions isn’t important enough to get police attention. The chances are that this scumbag also robbed a dozen more houses yesterday. It doesn’t matter. We live in a white, middle-class neighborhood. Our property doesn’t matter. Sadly, my sex and ethnicity are wrong for garnering police attention.

We live in Washington state. Gun ownership is legal here. Mrs. Lion and I are seriously considering buying a firearm. It’s clear we live in the wild west and have to protect our property. I’m researching whether it is legal to shoot a porch pirate. I hope it is. Obviously, killing someone for stealing a package is a bit extreme. However, if the thieves learn that robbing lions can cost them their lives, they may not want to take the risk.

We aren’t violent and have always believed that guns are too easy to obtain. I still feel that way. I also know that I qualify as a responsible citizen who can get a weapon in any state. It makes me sad to think that I have no recourse other than to take the law into my own hands. The situation is that serious. Porch pirates have hit over 50% of Washington residents. The police do nothing more than amass statistics.

Criminals look for weakness in law enforcement and then exploit it. The cops aren’t making any attempt to curtail the situation. I guess we are on our own. What do you think, a shotgun or a revolver?


  1. Lion, if they are on your property without permission and stealing or vandalizing it, I would drop their asses in a heart beat! But that is a USN retired Chief Petty Officer’s point of view! I hate people who continuously break the law and nothing is done about it!

    1. Author

      I agree. However, it might not be legal in this state.

  2. I know from French wine farmers,… that they have emptied hail cartridges and put salt in them,..

    Especially when you want to shoot,….focus on 1 place….. the person does not like sitting so much anymore,..

    Question,… Would someone like to tell you where they got that ‘salt bath’?

    but i think,… remembers them for day’s….

    1. Author

      Interesting thought. Thank you.

  3. That’s brutal. I get so irritated when “people” do this. Sorry you lost your stuff and sorry the cops won’t act. I think if you could deliver the address they might get off their bums. Or perhaps we should sic Mrs Lion on them!! lol

    1. Author

      The sheriff responded. They like the video and are publishing it on their Facebook page.

  4. It seems to me that shooting at a living person is not very easy without special training.

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