Every time I think I’m getting this he-annoyed-me-so-I-should-punish-him thing, I’m wrong. As you undoubtedly read yesterday, I promised to tie him up, and when he made a remark about my not tying him up, I was annoyed. Even though I don’t specifically remember saying I’d tie him up Friday night (and no, I don’t need you to copy and paste my words, Lion), I did say I’d do it days beforehand. If anything, Lion is right to be annoyed at me for promising and not following through.

This is when I go back to my old ways of not promising things because I have a history of not following through. My thought process is that if I don’t promise, I can do it, and it’s a big surprise, and I’m a hero. The trouble is, I don’t actually do it. Whatever it is. That’s probably why we don’t do much BDSM anymore. Sure, I throw in some clothespins, and I tie his balls up every so often, but I don’t do much else. I’m very inconsistent, and that’s being generous.

In the back of my mind, I wonder if the turning point was when we stopped using spanking for play and started using it exclusively for punishment. The truth is, I was inconsistent before then. But I still wonder if it had something to do with it. My BDSM repertoire took a hit when play spanking was eliminated. Still, it’s been quite a while. You’d think I would have bounced back by now. Do I miss play spanking that much?

Spanking him was a nice way to be close. I could fondle his buns before and during swats. I could kiss and nibble his buns. It was nice to start slow and work my way up to butt-blistering swats. Maybe I didn’t give him the lasting soreness he gets now, but I liked doing it. I miss doing it. I can’t say that’s the sole reason I don’t follow through with things since that’s always been a problem, but I do miss it. And there’s a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I never wanted punishment to take over everything. I mean, yes, I agreed with everything we’ve been doing. But I did raise the point that I miss play spanking. We just couldn’t figure out how to do play spankings without it being confusing when it was time to punish.

Again, I’m not blaming my inability to follow through on punishment spanking. That particular affliction was around long before then. This is more of a realization that I miss play spanking. I’m not sure what, if anything, can be done about it.

[Lion — Now that you have established a disciplinary spanking style that could never be mistaken (by me) for BDSM play, you could do play spankings too. Apparently, you do enjoy spanking me.]

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