One of the most problematic aspects of domestic discipline is that it is initiated and often managed by the person receiving the punishments. It makes complete sense that the initiating spouse is the recipient. After all, this is consensual. The strongest form of consent is initiation. No possibility of coercion exists. Almost all DD contracts are written by or under the supervision of the disciplined spouse.
I’m sure you can see the problem with this. It’s one thing to express a need to be disciplined. It’s another to decide when you should be punished. Most of the people who want to be disciplined have a substantial history of spanking fantasies. That’s fine since it makes it easier to get cooperation when a spanking is due. But it gets in the way of a real disciplinary relationship.
We’ve been working through this for years. We are lucky. We had a good start. I asked Mrs. Lion to be my disciplinary wife, and she agreed. I suggested that we needed rules that I had to follow. She did a very smart thing. She agreed but didn’t let me suggest rules for me to follow. She created a few that I was sure to break frequently. Her thinking was that both needed practice. It worked and is still working. I don’t break those early rules very often, but when I do, I get spanked.
The other difficult problem we faced was the actual spanking itself. I wanted it to be meaningful. That is, I wanted to feel it for days. At least that was my fantasy. It took a lot of practice for Mrs. Lion to get to the point that it hurt to sit for a couple of days. I learned that I hated spankings that produced those results. Mrs. Lion was learning how to spank me without feeling remorse. It became a skill she was perfecting. How much I liked or disliked what she did was of no consequence. She wanted me to report if it hurt after she finished and each day thereafter. That was so she could determine how she did.
We learned that spanking time seems much longer than it really is. The only way to be sure my spanking goes full measure is to set a timer. We got this idea from the now-defunct Disciplinary Wives Club. We follow their suggestion that a spanking is timed at ten minutes. If more than one offense is being punished, five minutes are added for each additional offense. Timing spankings made a huge difference. Ten minutes feels like forever when my bottom is being beaten. When the timer finishes, Mrs. Lion doesn’t. The ten-minute time is the minimum. Mrs. Lion will often go on for several more minutes after the timer sounds.
Mrs. Lion is in full control when it comes to punishing me. She doesn’t accept input from me when it comes to the actual spanking. I can yelp and complain all I want. It doesn’t make her take it easier on me. The timer guarantees that I always get full measure. Since we instituted “just because” spankings, Mrs. Lion is beginning to use them to punish me for annoying her. That was the idea. Over time she will learn to punish me for annoying her without using the “just because” spankings for that purpose.
The goal is for her to be in complete control. I’m not talking about control in the sense of a BDSM mistress. I’m talking about her punishing me for disobedience, disrespect, or annoying behavior. In my mind, the idea is that she doesn’t need rules to justify punishing me. She can do it when she feels I need it.