Yesterday, my post was about my little Twitter survey asking ladies if they liked to masturbate men. I expressed my surprise that the majority of respondents didn’t like making men ejaculate that way. It seems to me that jerking a guy off is the least involving form of sex for a woman. I think Julie of strictjuliespanks said it best:
” I don’t find it incredibly sexual, more like fun, and every decent handjob has an element of teasing to it. I find the spurty to be a nice little reward for my efforts…”
We, males, find it very sexual. It’s usually not our first choice of the kind of sex we want, but it is still a way to get off. A woman doesn’t have to undress or even allow the male access to her body. She can even wear a glove and avoid any skin-to-skin contact. It doesn’t matter. She will arouse and, if she wishes, make him ejaculate. It’s sex for him, but not for her.
It can be an expression of power. He can be rewarded with sexual release almost as easily as giving him a treat for doing a simple chore. It can be a humiliating show of control when she does it while other women (and men) are present.
In a vanilla context, masturbating a man is a simple way of relieving his sexual tension without requiring much effort from his partner. It can be performed discreetly almost anywhere. Unzip, rub, replace, and zip. A quick five minutes in the car, in a family restroom, a friend’s bathroom is all that’s needed. Convenient and quick.
Obviously, we get it. We understand it is an activity that requires no real involvement with us. For the woman, it’s a mechanical process that calms us and keeps us docile. A man who has just been jerked off is very unlikely to be sexually aggressive, at least for a while. Jerking him off is a nice way to avoid saying you have a headache.
Most of us will accept this sexual gift. We will understand that it isn’t necessarily an expression of love. It’s a nice thing to do for a horny male. If more young women understood this, a lot of unwanted pregnancies could be avoided.
For more than seven years, my primary sexual outlet was Mrs. Lion’s hand. Eventually, I stopped responding to her efforts to get me off with her hand. That was after thousands of teasing and ejaculation sessions. I always hoped for more but was happy to get her hand. Handjobs rarely come with foreplay. That’s one more reason why it was a go-to for my lioness. I suppose that playing with my penis was foreplay when it was the overture to some other, more involving, sexual activity.
I think that Mrs. Lion will be able to go back to handjobs again. She may need to change her technique a bit, but I can’t believe that I’m really immune to manual stimulation. I’m not complaining. Since she has had difficulty getting me to the edge with her hand, she has used her mouth. I much prefer that!
Oral sex is more involving for the woman. It’s penetrative and requires more energy and commitment. Even if it doesn’t turn her on, she can’t claim it isn’t really sex. On the other hand, it’s fair to say that a handjob is sufficiently impersonal and physically safe to be considered a nice thing to do without committing to a sexual relationship.
I know that both Mrs. Lion and I have been writing a lot about this subject lately. We have very different approaches to what we say. We have one thing in common: we consider jerking off a man to be a safe way to manage male sexual needs. One of the women’s lib movement casualties is the idea that providing a release for a man is a nice thing to do.
I don’t want to go into the rhetoric, but essentially the idea is that a woman’s role isn’t to satisfy every many she meets. I agree. That’s a silly thought. However, it’s equally silly to return to the Puritan notion that sexual expression is reserved for marriage. OK, we haven’t regressed that far, but we have returned to the “nice girls don’t do it” idea. My point is that sex isn’t binary. If you believe that any activity resulting in an orgasm is socially equal, you are missing important information.
First of all, giving someone an orgasm doesn’t mean you are in love. It means that you want to make him (or her) happy. You feel safe enough to touch (allow to be touched) “secret” areas of the body. That means there is enough trust to begin intimacy. I think that if you are comfortable giving (getting) kissed deeply, you are also ready to provide (receive) a handjob.
I realize this is radical. Think about it. You feel safe enough to put your tongue in each other’s mouths. Why wouldn’t you feel equally safe massaging his penis? Both activities are fun. Neither will get you pregnant. Nobody says you have to marry someone because of a handjob. The idea is that by making orgasm a nice thing to do for someone you have a romantic interest in, you are removing the pressure to go further. Intercourse can be reserved for the next, bigger step.
