Blogs like ours tend to preach to the choir. Visitors have knowledge and interest in one or more of the topics we discuss. Sometimes I try to imagine how we might appear to someone with no prior exposure to what we do. Probably the most puzzling is disciplinary spanking. According to several studies, more than 85% of adults fantasize about spanking. It’s a sexy topic.
Very few try it. Of those who do, most limit it to mildly painful swats. A small number, like us, use spanking for punishment. The spanking fantasies usually include a punishment scenario. There’s no question that imagining your partner has the power to spank you is hot. The reality is different. I am not turned on when Mrs. Lion spanks me. I work hard to avoid her paddle.
This is where things get confusing to people who don’t practice domestic discipline. The first question is: Why would you let your wife punish you? Are you submissive? OK, that’s two questions. No, I’m not submissive. I don’t want Mrs. Lion to manage my life. I asked Mrs. Lion to punish me for disobedience for two reasons: I want her to have a voice and to be able to feel heard. The second is that I’m turned on by the idea that she spanks me.
The sexual component keeps me agreeable to being spanked even though the experience is horrible. I know that after a spanking, I’m interested in sex. That keeps me willing to be strapped to the spanking bench. Once the spanking starts, all thoughts of sex vanish. Even though I know this, I can’t help myself from meekly accepting my beating. I think this is true of most men who are disciplined.
mrs. lion’s paddle improves our marriage
The more complex reason I asked Mrs. Lion to punish me has to do with my behavior. Many men who ask for domestic discipline have specific issues they want help addressing. Often it is excessive drinking or failing to come home on time. They see that their behavior can threaten their marriages. Domestic discipline looks like a way to avoid a divorce.
That isn’t true with us. Mrs. Lion is very laid back, almost passive about most things. She will accept annoying things I do until she can’t take anymore. Then her anger leaks out in passive-aggressive ways. This isn’t good for either of us. My thought was that if she learned to catch me each time I did something annoying and then punish me for it, she would be able to let me know how she feels. I would learn to modify my behavior to avoid punishment.
Mrs. Lion realizes that I get sexual value from being spanked. I don’t need ten minutes of hard paddling to get that value. In the past, Mrs. Lion administered “play” spankings. These were real spankings that were just strong enough to fuel my sexual furnace. We realized that punishment had to go well past that point to be useful.
Over the years, Mrs. Lion has perfected her spanking technique. She has worked up to a full DWC spanking. I yelp almost all the way through. She isn’t interested in my protests. Her job is to make sure I will do anything to avoid another. She does that job very well. Yet, we still have challenges.
For one thing, Mrs. Lion struggles with punishing me for annoying her. She hates it when I interrupt her. Yet, she doesn’t punish me for doing it. I have some rules that don’t directly affect how she feels. I have to set up the coffee pot and get it ready for the next day’s breakfast. When I forget, she punishes me–every time. The same is true if I spill food on my shirt or eat before her. She catches me and punishes me. She originally made those rules as a way of giving both of us practice.
I know she’s working on finding a way to get herself to punish me for annoying her. It’s hard for her to do it. Catching me breaking one of the old rules is a game for her. She enjoys it. She says she doesn’t particularly like spanking me, but she doesn’t mind doing it. It’s part of the game.
my memory of pain fades quickly
It turns out that my memory of how much I don’t want to be spanked is fairly short. Soon after the pain fades, my fear disappears. All that’s left is the sexual component. That doesn’t mean I will try to provoke her to spank me. My memory of the pain isn’t that bad. Over time, I lose my fear of the consequences Mrs. Lion delivers. Also, the sexual fuel provided by being spanked fades.
Mrs. Lion tends to lose interest in her game if I’m not spanked for a while. To keep things alive and well, she spanks me once or twice a week “just because.” Just because what? Just because I probably did something naughty that wasn’t caught. Actually, it’s to keep the game going for her and ensure that I don’t forget how much it hurts when I’m naughty.
Spanking isn’t a simple power exchange for us. It’s a relationship tool that supports sexual interest and Mrs. Lion’s ability to express herself in a meaningful way. Trust me. When she is paddling my butt, I hear her loud and clear. If I don’t get the message, another visit with her paddle will follow.
Puppy notes
I continue to research strategies for avoiding pregnancy in Willow. It turns out that in Europe, dogs are rarely neutered. It’s even illegal in Finland. Dog population control isn’t a problem there. The irresponsible push to neuter dogs without regard to health effects is an American practice.
We can keep Willow intact and isolate her during heats. That’s not a terrible problem for us, but many boarding kennels and dog training facilities won’t accept intact dogs. We can work around that but prefer to find ways to let her socialize with other pups.
There are alternative strategies. Instead of removing the uterus and ovaries, just the uterus can be removed (hysterectomy). By leaving the ovaries intact, hormone balance isn’t affected. The imbalance caused by ovary removal is likely behind the terrible orthopedic and cardiac problems that spayed golden retrievers suffer. If we go that route, Willow will still go into heat but not bleed or get pregnant. It’s unclear if males will be attracted to her during those times.
Another option is tubal ligation. This is the same sterilizing operation that human females get. Vasectomy is the male version. In case you wondered, I am fixed using that method. Tubal ligation leaves the dog sexually intact. She will go into heat and bleed. I assume males will want to mount her. Of course, she can’t get pregnant. We would have to be as careful as we would if she is intact.
Uterine cancer is a risk for dogs. The hysterectomy, if done properly, takes care of that problem. Since our goal is to provide her with the best overall chance for a pain-free, happy life, The hysterectomy is probably her best strategy. Mrs. Lion and I will look for a doggy OB/Gyn to discuss this. We will not allow full removal of ovaries and uterus. We’ll see what the experts have to say about hysterectomy versus tubal ligation.
Here are some links I found. It’s interesting reading:
https://www.akcchf.org/research/research-portfolio/1488.html
ttps://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0102241
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0055937
https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.theriogenology.org/resource/resmgr/Docs/spay-neuter_basis.pdf
With dogs, problems are no less than with people. And maybe more, because they do not speak and often cannot tell us about their problems.