When reading and writing sex blogs, it’s way too easy to compartmentalize our various kinks. Sex and the various ways we play with it are considered in isolation. Maybe it is the only way to discuss the subject sensibly. For example, we write about spanking. We discuss how to spank a husband. We write about how I earn punishment. You see the visible results of my spankings. I know this is arousing and perhaps useful. It isn’t close to the whole story.
If I went to a professional dominant to be spanked, we would have a simple transaction: I pay her, and she spanks my bottom. She would satisfy a sexual need. There is nothing beyond the act itself. Yes, we might act out a fantasy. I could be a naughty schoolboy or an errant husband. But, in the end, it is a very simple transaction.
There is nothing simple about Mrs. Lion spanking me. It could be a BDSM scene, which wouldn’t be much different from the pay-to-play experience. Lots of couples do that. Since our arrangement is consensual, you could argue that we are also doing BDSM scenes. In a sense, we are. I break a rule and get spanked. The trigger is the rule. Yup that could be BDSM. It isn’t, at least not entirely.
It all has to do with motive. Spanking has sexual value to me. Even disciplinary spanking is arousing to think about. If my need was sexual, I would intentionally break the rules to trigger a spanking. I don’t. First of all, if Mrs. Lion thought I was getting in trouble to provoke a spanking, I’m sure she would find a more unpleasant way to punish me. Except for her “just because” spankings, I’m being punished as part of an effort to help me change my behavior.
In a sense, the “just because” spankings are BDSM to meet a sexual need. Actually, the reason we need them is much more complex. We’ve learned that our disciplinary relationship has to be a habit. If I don’t receive regular spankings, Mrs. Lion tends to overlook infractions of her rules. She gets out of the habit of observing and punishing my offenses. Regular spankings help to keep us both on our toes.
“Just because” spankings remind me how unpleasant it is to be punished. If too much time goes by between punishments, I tend to forget the pain and only remember the sexual feelings. That’s why all of my spankings have to severe. They have to overcome my sexual attraction to spanking and make me sorry I earned them. My sexual attraction to being spanked motivates me to get into position for my beating. Mrs. Lion’s severe, ten-minute long spanking makes me very sorry I needed her disciplinary attention.
I’m not unique. This complex set of motives and responses seems to be true of most couples practicing domestic discipline. The disciplined spouse wants to be held accountable and be punished as needed. The disciplinary spouse agrees to do this primarily because her husband asks. That’s how it started with us. Over time, it became more of a habit, and Mrs. Lion found value in being able to help improve my behavior. It started with my request. Over time domestic discipline has taken on a life of its own. I’m very happy it is part of our lives.