Occasionally some readers will accuse me of topping from the bottom. This accusation is based on the fact that I offer suggestions to Mrs. Lion about domestic discipline or other female-led relationship topics. In the beginning, I got annoyed when I got such feedback. Then I realized that there is a general misconception about how disciplinary relationships are born and nurtured. Most people believe that the disciplined husband initiates a disciplinary relationship simply by asking his spouse to punish him when needed.
The underlying assumption is that she will automatically know exactly how to do this. After all, the fantasy is that every wife will understand exactly how to perform domestic discipline. That certainly wasn’t true for us. When I asked Mrs. Lion to take me in hand, she had some experience spanking me in the BDSM context. Those spankings were a form of foreplay. I asked her to administer disciplinary spankings, which I expected to have no sexual value. In my mind, it seemed a simple transition. Just keep swatting.
That didn’t work. It’s taken years for Mrs. Lion to comfortably discipline me sufficiently. To get to this point, she needed feedback from me. She never experienced disciplinary spanking when she grew up. For that matter, neither did I. It’s been a discovery process. This process is what confuses some people. I suggest ways Mrs. Lion can improve her effectiveness. In the beginning, when I did that, she saw it as a criticism. More recently, she’s come to realize it’s useful feedback, not a review of how well she is doing.
It isn’t easy to figure out how serious the spanking needs to be in order to provide an effective punishment. The spanker, Mrs. Lion, would need some indication from me that would tell her I’m sufficiently chastised. There are two ways for her to get that: The least reliable is gauging my response as the beating goes on. I believe that my verbal reactions should be irrelevant. Yelps and screams, even crying are indications that Mrs. Lion is reaching me. It’s not a signal that she should stop. We have a safeword if I absolutely need her to.
The second and most useful feedback comes after the punishment. I’m not talking about immediately after, but the next day or later. That’s when both of us can be more analytical. For example, some time ago, I suggested that spankings need to take more time. I felt they were ending before I had really gotten the message. Mrs. Lion took that the heart this week and provided a fairly long spanking. She probably cut it a bit short because she was having trouble holding the paddle. My feedback is that she’s on the right track. While I will absolutely hate it, I believe she needs to go on even longer. Yesterday, I suggested that sincere begging might be a requirement before she even considers stopping. Please note that I didn’t say begging indicated it was time to stop. It isn’t.
phases of a disciplinary spanking
Based on my experience to date, a spanking seems to have several phases. The first one is the warm-up. This is when Mrs. Lion helps me become accustomed to receiving the paddle. Based on our experience, this can take several minutes. My suggestion is that when Mrs. Lion decides that warm-up is over, she tells me that this punishment will begin. This is useful because there’s a sense of desperation I feel when I suffer several minutes of spanking only to learn my punishment hasn’t begun. The next phase is the punishment. This is when the swats are much harder and designed for maximum discomfort. They have to build up in intensity to help me avoid trying to escape. This is an area that over-the-knee spankers have much more control over. I’m not restrained in any way.
The punishment phase evokes yelps and screams and probably produces bruises. In my opinion, this is the longest phase of spanking. It should feel endless. My last spanking certainly made me feel that way. At some point during the punishment phase, I think it’s important to bring me back into communication with Mrs. Lion while she is delivering some of her hardest swats. This is when she can teach me to beg. When I began sincerely begging, something I’ve never done, we are entering the submissive phase. This is when spanking goes from something to fight against and resist into resignation and acceptance.
The purpose of punishment is repentance
I don’t think that means silently receiving the blows. It does mean sincerely begging for the spanking to end and perhaps some tears. I’m not sure I’ll ever get that far, but I am sure that if Mrs. Lion persists, my sincerity will grow. During this phase, it makes sense to ask me some questions like, “Are you sorry that you forgot to set up the coffee pot?”
Of course, I’ll answer that I am. Mrs. Lion can then say, “I don’t think you really are,” and deliver several very hard swats. The idea is to encourage me to work hard to convince her that she’s made me very sorry for whatever it is I’ve done. We’ve left this out in the past. It’s something I really don’t want to do, but I think it’s actually the most useful and educational part of the punishment. I’m at my most vulnerable. There’s nothing I want more than for the pain to end. Mrs. Lion will have made it clear that’s not happening until she’s convinced I’ve repented.
After all, that’s the entire point of punishment — repentance. Sincere repentance. Before she even asks me if I’m sorry, she’s already made sure I’ve been thoroughly spanked. This is the icing that goes on top. It should be the worst part for me and the most useful one for her. Classic spanking literature suggests that a scolding is the overture to the punishment. It’s supposed to put the person being punished into the right frame of mind. I don’t think that would happen to me. It’s when the punishment has reached a crescendo and threatens to go on forever that I’m most likely to beg for forgiveness sincerely.
Is this topping from the bottom? It isn’t. It’s feedback designed to help us perfect domestic discipline in our household. I hope that Mrs. Lion adopts this model. It’s probably the best way to make me let go and accept my role as her disciplined husband. I think this is a true, pure form of punishment without the least trace of sexual excitement.