Was It Passive Aggressive?

As Mrs. Lion mentioned in her post, I narrowly avoided being spanked by setting up the coffee pot before she woke up. She also mentioned that I annoyed her during our breakfast conversation. This is one of those classic marriage issues: We agreed to have waffles for breakfast the night before. When Mrs. Lion got up to make breakfast, she said that maybe it was too late for waffles. I answered, “Is it?”

She replied, “OK, I’ll make waffles.”

I said, “Don’t do that if it’s too late.”

The essence of the exchange was that by asking a question, I caused Mrs. Lion to reverse her decision not to make them. This, in turn, upset me because I didn’t want her doing something she really wasn’t up for. Then she reacted to that by going to make them anyway. I finally said that we don’t need them today. We can have waffles another day.

The conversation was unsatisfying for both of us. The only difference being that I could end up being spanked. I think that the problem may have to do with the assumptions Mrs. Lion makes.  I think that she assumes that if I ask a question about a comment she makes, that I am challenging it. By asking if it was too late, I was saying that I didn’t think it was too late. Even if that was my meaning, the last thing I wanted was for her to reverse herself. I expected her to say, “Yes it is. We can try another morning,” or, “Do you want them that badly?”

That would be a dialogue. I hate it when she reverses herself without a word and does what she said she didn’t want to do. That feels hostile to me and passive-aggressive. That’s how that exchange hit me. I wonder if what I’m expected to do is say nothing? That would make me unhappy.

Is what happened a spankable offense? I’m not sure. I think that spanking me would be better than what happened. It would be a definitive outcome of the transaction. It wouldn’t be what I want, but at least it would be direct.


    1. Author

      Just the big ones.

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