I wasn’t going to write a post. I just couldn’t get my head wrapped around what’s been going on. I’m not sure I can yet, but here goes. I’ve had enough of this year. The unknowns abound. Will we get sick from the virus? Are we doing enough to keep ourselves safe? Will the economy ever bounce back? If the virus doesn’t kill us, will he have enough money to survive? How long will I be allowed to work from home? Can we get through this presidential election already? I just want to hear that the orange menace is out of office. And so on.
Last week I had a few nights that I couldn’t get to sleep immediately because it was hard to turn off my brain. What ifs kept swirling around. Sometimes I feel like I can’t hold it all together. For whatever reason, last night I was able to sleep. I felt pretty good this morning. And then the phone rang. It was a bit of bad news. But it sparked a conversation that probably should have been ongoing and, in the course of it, Lion apparently thought I was attacking him. Nope. I was putting information out there. That’s all. Whatever miscommunication there was undid any sleep I got last night. Lion felt attacked. I felt attacked. The damage was done.
Lion suggested he should be punished for upsetting me. His theory has been that if he upsets me, swats will reset everything. I suppose, under normal circumstances, that’s true. Right now, it feels like whatever tenuous hold I had on reality is gone. It’s not entirely because of this morning’s conversation. It’s all the stresses from the past six months coming to jump on the one nerve I had left. Spanking Lion will not help that. I’m not even upset with Lion. Maybe I just need a day to fall apart so I can gather myself together and move on.
Listen to this post.