By:
In: Spanking, CBT, Edging, Mrs Lion Comments

As far as I know, we have no plans this weekend. I’ll run out in a little while in search, locally, for some huckleberries and that may result in some jam if we can find a recipe, but at this point, there are no plans. That means we should be able to play earlier. I am famous for saying we’ll play early and then never doing it. I am famous for saying we’ll do X or Y and then we never do it. Talk is cheap. But today I have a good feeling that things will be different.

I have plans for Lion. I have plans for his balls. My weenie is nearby and will suffer too. Regardless of the huckleberries and any possibilities of jam, Lion will be wearing the prickly jock strap again. By the time this post publishes, Lion will be in the jock strap. For how long? I don’t know. I assume it will be at least an hour. In case that doesn’t seem like a lot, imagine tiny little spikes stabbing you in your most intimate of areas. Every time you move, stab. Even if you don’t move, the points that have already found their way into you are still stabbing. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t think I could handle it even long enough to have the straps tightened. Luckily, I don’t have to.

When I started this post, I was going to say I’d decided to give Lion a punishment spanking just because. It wouldn’t have been a maintenance spanking. Those don’t work. I was going to give a full on punishment spanking. He hasn’t had one in a while. That’s good news. And it isn’t. Lion’s been behaving himself. But then he’s forgotten what it’s like to be punished.  Sometimes he needs to be reminded. But then I remembered my idea of having him wear the prickly jock strap. I’d much rather do that than give him a punishment spanking when he hasn’t earned it.

I know they’re not the same thing. The spikes do not equal a punishment. They aren’t supposed to. Ultimately, I was looking for a way to get things back to normal. Lion needs to want sex again. I know he’s horny. I have to help him be horny enough to make it to the edge. When I told him to snap out of it the other day, I didn’t mean he had to do it by himself. I’m hoping a spanking or the prickly jock strap will get us at least part of the way there. I’m not giving up. I hope he won’t either.

By:
In: Chastity games, Lion's Journal

Orgasm control is a game. A male chastity device raises the stakes. For the man, the object of the game is to get an orgasm. The rules are simple: he can’t ejaculate until she lets him. The game isn’t interesting unless he wants to come. The more desperate he is, the more fun both players have. It’s that simple.

The reason a chastity device adds to the fun is that when he wears it he knows that he can’t decide to end the game himself. The male chastity device locked on his penis prevents him from masturbating and even getting an erection. His only outlet is to convince his keyholder to unlock his penis and give him an orgasm.

With or without the device the game is enhanced when his partner stimulates him until he thinks he will ejaculate and then stops just when he is ready to come. She can repeat this several times and then lock him up in his male chastity device. If he appeared indifferent to sex when she started this tease, by the time she is done he is panting and wanting release.

This goes on until she decides to let him ejaculate. She may have made him wait a few days, a week, or more. Most commonly a man playing this game has to wait between 10 days and two weeks. There seems to be some agreement among keyholders that ten days is a perfectly reasonable frequency for male orgasms. Mrs. Lion keeps me waiting about that long.

Despite the fantasies he may have recited as gospel, that’s the bare bones of the game. There are variations that can make it more exciting. Almost all men become more desperate to ejaculate the longer they are forced to wait. If they aren’t regularly teased, they will lose interest after a while. If their hormones are kept flowing by non-orgasmic sexual activity, their desire to come will grow and grow.

The entertainment value of the game comes from this desperation. What will he do to “earn” ejaculation? You can play Let’s Make An Orgasm Deal to find out. Just like the TV show “Let’s Make A Deal” he can be offered choices. To keep things interesting, the “prizes” he might earn aren’t necessarily ejaculation. They may just be steps leading to the Big Deal of an orgasm. He isn’t eligible to even try for the Big Deal unless he completes all the other activities.

The typical male chastity fantasy has him trading sexual favors for release. He might have to give his keyholder a certain number of orgasms before he can get off. I don’t think that makes sense as part of our game. He must be keeping you sexually satisfied because you are partners. The game isn’t played at all unless he does.

His “deals” could be activities to expand his sexual horizons. Anal play comes to mind. Most guys aren’t interested in being anally penetrated. Yet this can turn out to be a safe, erotic activity for him. Why not “train” him to enjoy it, or at least welcome it? Like the TV show, he can get a choice. He can choose a spanking or penetration with a dildo. He could get this choice several times a week. He can also choose neither. If he declines both, he won’t get release for at least another three days. That’s not to say he will get release sooner if he agrees or he will get release in three days. It just means he won’t get to ejaculate until some time after the three-day additional wait.

If he has already been waiting a week or so, he probably won’t want a guarantee he will have to wait that much longer. The additional wait could be a week instead of three days. His keyholder decides. If he refuses again, another week is added. He’s in control.

You get the idea. Let’s Make An Orgasm Deal always lets him decide what will happen. The longer it has been since his last orgasm, the more interesting the game becomes. There are endless variations on this. The idea is to remember to have fun.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Sometimes I’m a little slow. It takes a minute for me to figure things out. Obvious things. Then I have a “duh” moment. I had one last night. However, I thought I was onto something when I suggested Lion’s sexual issues were tied to his furlough. He disagrees. So, my “duh” moment might just be a brain cramp.

Here it is. Are you ready? Drumroll please…Lion wants to snuggle more. For the past few nights we’ve been snuggling before I make my move. (Again, it feels like our roles are reversed.) Lion wants the touchy-feely parts of sex back. The snuggles before the actual foreplay and the hand-holding/cuddles afterwards. We have strayed from that. If I had to guess, I’d say it was sometime around his needing more than vanilla sex and when we instituted the Box O’Fun. Apparently, I decided snuggling was vanilla and did away with it. I don’t think it was a conscious decision to end all snuggling. It just seems to have happened.

On the other hand, snuggling might have fallen off because Lion’s shoulder hurt. At some point, his steroid shot wore off. Since we were in lockdown, hospitals were pulling staff in other directions. They didn’t want people coming in for non-essential things. Being pain-free is apparently non-essential. I mean, I get it. Keeping people safe is a huge goal. You have to do whatever it takes. It’s not like his pain was life-threatening. But it was difficult to snuggle when his shoulder was hurting. And I guess we never got back to it after he was able to get the injection.

That means for months we haven’t really been close. We held hands and continued on with play and sex and punishment, etc., but we didn’t snuggle. The actual skin to skin contact was limited. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. I don’t know why Lion didn’t see it either. Neither of us ever said, “I miss snuggling.” But I know we did. Maybe it was buried in our subconscious. Maybe that’s why Lion is having such a hard time putting his finger on what’s wrong. Maybe he needs to have a “duh” moment. Perhaps my suggestion that he snap out of it didn’t help.

For the past few nights I’ve been snuggling with him. I play with his boobies and pretend I’m going to pinch his nipples. I let my hands wander across his chest and stomach. I get ever closer to my weenie, but I don’t actually touch it. And then eventually I do. The other day, Lion was as hard as he’s ever been. He still didn’t quite make it to the edge, but he was happy to try.

I won’t say I’ve completely cracked the code. There may be more to it than snuggling, but I’d say it’s a step in the right direction. Even if it has nothing to do with the issue, we’re happier when we snuggle. You can’t really argue with snuggling.

[Lion Comments — Is it a problem that our roles are reversed?]

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

I am a guy. Sex is supposed to be something I do when the opportunity arises. At least that’s how it’s been most of my life. Something’s been changing. I don’t understand it. It’s no longer just get hard and get off. I need more. Maybe seven years of orgasm control and male chastity are behind this. I don’t know.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t have a femdom lifestyle. Our female-led relationship is more about practical domestic discipline. She isn’t a full-time top. Yes, we do some BDSM play; probably less than most. We don’t have any rituals designed to demonstrate my submissive role. In fact, we are partners and treat each other with love and respect. You would never guess that Mrs. Lion spanks me when she feels I need correction. The problem can’t be our power exchange. Mrs. Lion has been careful to keep sex out of her role as my disciplinary wife.

The change I seem to have made is that simple sex doesn’t work for me. In the past, I have had partners who insisted that sex, including foreplay, didn’t work for them. Yes, they loved sex but needed more in order for it to work. Like a lot of guys I always found that concept is a bit mysterious. What does a candlelight dinner have to do with an hour of licking and fucking? Why is “mood” such a big deal?

I learned that the road to her vagina needed to include stops for hand-holding, sweet talk, kissing, and other romantic activities. The direct approach was rarely effective. I enjoyed that road. It was fun to do all those things. I could see how the slow buildup was a very nice form of foreplay. I did it and it worked.

After years of marriage, that mating dance tapered off and stopped. Kids, work, and life got in the way. Sex became a fun activity we did when we went to bed. Mating became an abbreviated-but-fun activity. It also became a routine. We both had orgasms, but they were often more sedative than fireworks.

Over time that bred dissatisfaction. She felt it more acutely than I. This sexual unhappiness is the basis for a lot of sitcom jokes. Foreplay is often, “Wanna do it?” Inevitably, the frequency of activity drops off. She does a lot of “Not tonight, dear.” He often just turns off the light and rolls over. You get the idea. I admit that in a former marriage I was that man. Sex was a tension-reliever for me. She did it for the same reason. It wasn’t all that much fun.

When Mrs. Lion was interested in sex, we did it almost daily. She would have been happier if I wasn’t quite so frisky, but she accommodated me. In one of her posts, she said that in a way orgasm control was payback for me wanting daily sex. She said it balanced things out making me wait for orgasms. I never thought of orgasm control this way, but she has a point. I’ve gone from daily ejaculations to one every week or two. I don’t get to decide when I get to ejaculate.

Long before we started orgasm control Mrs. Lion began losing interest in sex. I think I am to blame. She wasn’t looking for moonlight and candles, but she needed me to romantically initiate sex. I have always had a very hard time initiating with or without the romance. It’s a kind of sexual shyness. Even with Mrs. Lion, who I know loves me, I feared rejection. Before I could start foreplay I needed a clear signal that I wouldn’t be rebuffed.

Mrs. Lion needed me to initiate without having to send me any kind of signal. As a result, we had a standoff. We had sex less and less. Somewhere along the line, Mrs. Lion lost interest entirely. I rediscovered male chastity and suggested it to her as a way to solve my sexual needs. She insisted that she no longer had needs herself. That was seven years ago.

Male chastity works for us; at least it has until recently. The first sexual rule that Mrs. Lion made was that I could not masturbate. Wearing a chastity device assured I would obey that rule. After a few years, I stopped even thinking about jerking off. With or without a chastity device, I don’t masturbate. Any sex I get is provided by Mrs. Lion.

My original theory was that by being intentionally sex-starved by Mrs. Lion, what sex I get would be more exciting. Almost every day Mrs. Lion masturbates me or provides oral stimulation. She gets me right to the edge of orgasm and then stops. This assures my interest in getting off remains high. It worked well until recently.

My enthusiasm for nightly teasing has diminished. It’s also been much more difficult to bring me to the edge of orgasm. I don’t think my loss of enthusiasm has anything to do with that. My inability to get to the edge every time isn’t troubling to either of us. What bothers me is my loss of interest in even trying. This is why Mrs. Lion joked about me wearing the panties.

When Mrs. Lion wants to play, I am much less interested. It isn’t that I am bored with her. I just need more to get my motor running. I’m sounding more like that sitcom wife. Tying up my balls and playing with my penis doesn’t seem to do it. Well, they still do it if Mrs. Lion persists. My equipment isn’t broken, I just don’t feel the anticipation. Apparently, I need to anticipate fun as a way to get ready for action.

I think that I sometimes confuse my lioness. She can sit next to me on the bed and begin playing with my penis. It obediently stands at attention for her. The thing is that I’m not all that interested. It’s hard to put into words, but sometimes I don’t actually feel what she is doing. Obviously I am reacting physically, but the sense of arousal isn’t immediately there. To make things worse, this distresses me. I’m not supposed to feel this way.

If left to my own devices I can see sexual frequency dropping off sharply. If Mrs. Lion just waits until I want to play, we can easily go back to the way things were in the bad old days. This is the problem I’m hoping we can solve. There is a real role reversal here. Because she is in control, Mrs. Lion is the “man” sexually. I wear the figurative panties because I am sexually submissive. Over the last seven years, we both adjusted to this change and it’s worked for us. We may need to tweak things a bit now.