Domestic Discipline is fundamentally different from BDSM scenes. The activities may be the same: i.e.: spanking, but the intention behind them is completely different. I think this is one of the most difficult aspects of DD that Mrs. Lion and I had to learn. She spanked me in the BDSM sense for years. For that matter, she still does. Those spankings can be every bit as severe as when she punishes me. Since her punishment spankings have gotten more painful, we do less and less play spanking. I suppose that is natural. I get turned on by the idea of being spanked, but the current reality is something I would rather avoid.

I have been thinking about that last sentence. I definitely want to avoid being punished. I know; it’s a good thing. That’s the point of punishment. I don’t want Mrs. Lion to spank me. My wish not to be spanked is overridden by my need for domestic discipline, so I obediently get into position for my punishment. I hate every second of it.

What if the next day I decide I don’t want to go through that anymore?

I might have grown tired of rules I must obey and the consequences for being thoughtless or rude. Can I tell Mrs. Lion that I no longer want domestic discipline? The most obvious answer is that I can. After all, DD is a consensual activity. Isn’t that right?

According to one of the original people in the Disciplinary Wives Club, many husbands agreed to DD and also agreed that they could not withdraw their consent. Once started, the wife had control, and that control and her dispensing of discipline could not be revoked. That sort of agreement sounds a lot like a spanking fantasy. Why can’t a husband in a healthy marriage opt-out of DD?

A much better question is why would he want to? He might be very unhappy with his spankings and want them to end. That’s probably not the real reason. He only gets punished if he does something he shouldn’t or forgets something he should do. He controls whether he gets spanked. The real reason is that he probably doesn’t want to answer to his wife. He doesn’t want her to have authority over him. If he and his wife had been practicing DD for more than a few months, his reason can’t be that DD doesn’t work for them as a couple. He’s tired of his wife’s authority.

There are plenty of couples who might try DD and find it doesn’t work. That discovery is made fairly early in the practice. Six months of DD is long enough for both partners to settle in and live under a disciplinary relationship. I will assume that these couples agreed to a trial period.

After that trial, she has learned to deliver a serious spanking, and he has a very good understanding of the consequences of misbehaving. At this point, it is perfectly fair for him to agree that he no longer has the ability to withdraw. DD is in place as long as they are together. That’s how it is for us. I can’t ask for DD to end and expect Mrs. Lion to agree.

Part of me worries that she might let me out if I want. She thinks DD is for me and if I’m tired of it, there is no reason to continue. I disagree. The rules and punishments are for me, but the disciplinary dynamic is for her too. I think she knows this. I hope she also knows that I can’t end it. I suppose she can, but I can’t. It would be a big mistake to allow me to stop just because I ask to get out.

This isn’t an abuse of consent. It’s the realization that in a DD relationship if the disciplined husband wants to stop, something else is going on with him. It probably means he needs more control. He may be drifting and needs the reassurance of his disciplinary wife.

Something changed in our marriage after we adopted DD wholeheartedly. I can’t define what it is, but I can feel it. Mrs. Lion has said that she feels it too. Most importantly, we both feel that the change is positive. My surrender of control isn’t conditional. Once I agreed to our disciplinary relationship, I permanently lost the right to say no.

For the record, I have no desire to stop DD even though I absolutely hate having to be punished by my wonderful disciplinary wife.


  1. I think you are right on the money here, Lion. If the disciplined spouse doesn’t want to be subject to discipline any more, the underlying cause is a failure of the relationship. Maybe counseling can help in that regard, but the only sure way out at that point is divorce.

    I also agree 100% that a trial period should be a key factor before it while entering into a DD relationship. It certainly isn’t going to work for everyone and it would be best to find that out early.

    My wife and I have talked about it and being a disciplining spouse is just not something she can be. It is not in her makeup to do it, and I have to accept that fact. It isn’t that she doesn’t love me enough to take that level of control, it is just not in her personality to do so. We find our own ways to make things work in our relationship. Do I think it would be easier if she could punish me directly when I offend her? Sure, that would be easier… for me, but a relationship has to work for both people.

    Wow, I didn’t expect to write an essay here, but I do appreciate you two sharing this aspect of your lives with us.

    1. Author

      Your experience isn’t very different from ours. Mrs. Lion wasn’t terribly interested in being my disciplining wife. She was willing to spank me. If your wife is willing to spank you, even just for play, that’s an important first step. When we began, Mrs. Lion set up a couple of very simple non-threatening rules. She picked things I would almost certainly do often. This is how we began. I think it was difficult for her in the beginning to punish me. After time, quite a bit of time, she found that she likes catching me. She enjoys discovering when I break a rule. She never particularly liked spanking me. Over time, again a lot of time, she’s learned to treat spanking like just another chore. I don’t think she minds doing it, but it isn’t fun for her. It’s taken a long time for her to become a disciplinary spanker. She’s done it.

      I think the key is to start slowly and not worry about whether or not your wife can be a disciplinary spouse. She actually might enjoy the way Mrs. Lion and I started.

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