His Unbruisable Butt: An Exercise in Futility

This morning, I came to the conclusion that tough Lion hide is too difficult to bruise. If I continue on the present course of trying to make him feel things the next day, I will be trying forever. To that end (no pun intended), I’ve decided to make the punishment itself so distasteful that he tries to avoid it. If I do manage to bruise him in the process, I’ll count it as a bonus.

You may see this as a backward step. I think I’ve been expending too much energy trying to hit in exactly the right spot to create a bruise. I worry about him feeling it long-term. I guess I just came to the realization that he should feel all he feels as I’m spanking him. It’s true that he’ll be sore right afterward. He may feel it for a few hours. But causing a bruise is so difficult, it doesn’t make any sense to be preoccupied with it. It’s just not that important.

Lion’s spanking last night was fairly severe. At that point, I was still going for a bruise. I doubted it would happen, but I tried. Given the fact that it was a repeat infraction in a relatively short amount of time, I knew it had to be harsh. That’s the rule. Re-offending gets a harsher sentence. But I didn’t start off with a flurry of hard swats. Actually, I thought I started off the same way I always do, but Lion has said I start out too hard. Maybe it all depends on what comes afterward.

By the end (again, no pun intended), Lion’s buns were deep red and had about four spots of blood on one cheek and one on the other. He was yelping and rolling around. He was also splattering blood on my legs. Not much, but I could feel little droplets. When I told him he was splattering blood, he, unwisely, told me actually I was splattering the blood.

Hmmm. And to think I was done swatting him…until then. He got an extra set of swats for that remark. He insisted he was kidding. Maybe so, but he was certainly in no position to be kidding.

Only time will tell if I made a sufficient impression on him to avoid forgetting the coffee pot. I doubt it. He really thought he did it. Maybe there is only a certain amount of time in which a person remembers chores. Think about a routine chore you have. Do you ever forget to do it? I know I do, but I forget things all the time so you can’t use me as a gauge. However, would you remember better if there was a punishment attached to forgetting? I’m not sure I would. [Lion — I will!]


  1. For deep bruising, try taking “thud” to an extreme. We have a couple of toys that really work well for this. The best is a relatively innocuous-looking device called the “Fairy Duster” (named after my wife’s earlier scene name of “Bad Attitude Fairy”). It’s basically just a 16-inch length of 4/0 copper wire (about 1/2″ diameter, not counting the insulation), with a cap on the end to round it off. This has exactly zero sting, and doesn’t damage the skin at all, but it’s very heavy, and boy does it thud.

    The other is somewhat more primitive, but nearly as effective. We picked it up at a truck stop, where it was being sold as a “tire thumper”. It’s just a little baseball bat, about 18 inches long and two in diameter. (I’m sure its primary use is as a self-defense weapon.). It also has a lot of thump, and almost no slap; I think this is because it’s round, and has no flat surface. I think any similarly-shaped implement might yield good results.

    But the Fairy Duster is definitely king (queen?) of the late-blooming bruise.

    1. Author

      Somewhere around here, we have a thin, maybe inch and a half wooden paddle. I’m not sure if it thuds or stings but it’s worth a try. I’m also going to try one of the rubber paddles. I think those are thuddy.

  2. The trick to getting the real deep effect is not just the relatively small diameter, but also the weight. This ensures a good solid impact, even when the swing isn’t too fast. I have, for example, a stainless-steel cane, which also gives this effect to some degree, but the larger and heavier implement really seems to get deeper effects. (The stainless cane is a bit more visually impressive, though.)

    We haven’t played heavily for a while, so my wife isn’t quite as tough as she used to be, but at the height of our impact play, her “leatherbutt” often showed only light bruising at the time, or even none at all. However, she would feel the effects for several days, and often after a couple of days a yellow/light purple bruise would make its way to the surface. I think this may be the effect you’re looking for.

    The reason for the Fairy Duster’s superb effectiveness is due to its copper core; it’s both very heavy, and it deforms rather than flexing during impact, so it has no tendency to rebound – all of the energy is coupled directly into the flesh.

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