My Dating Discovery

According to many single women who write blogs, men are motivated by sex. They claim that the bottom line is that we want to get our penises stimulated and ejaculate. On the other hand, women who write this claim that they look for emotional and intellectual compatibility as well as the right body type and age. Then, they usually go on to say that they prefer much younger men who are slim and well muscled.


The women I am talking about identify as dominant. It seems that one of the key requirements a submissive man has to have is youth. I get the body type stuff. When we’re being shallow we all like to say we want the perfect opposite sex body. In some cases, like those bloggers, these physical characteristics are paramount. It doesn’t matter what else is on the man’s resume. If he doesn’t have a sixpack and is over 30, he is disqualified.

Consider the odds: Based on what I can glean, about 20% of the male population is over 20 and under 35. Of them, less than one third have the kind of body these women desire. That means that the available pool of males is way under 5% of the guys they might meet. If you consider that most are already married, and some are gay, we are probably down to less than 1%. Now, let’s add in men who self-identify as submissive. I think you would agree that less than 10% of the men are identifying themselves that way. That means that we are down to one in every thousand or so men being available and meeting the criteria specified.

Let’s consider the other side. Guys who are submissive by nature and want a relationship with a dominant female have a similarly difficult probability of success. From what I’ve observed and read, men are less obsessed with the appearance of their partners. Guys who want to submit are willing to accept dominant women of any shape or age. I’ve observed this over 30 years of active involvement in the real-life BDSM scene. Male requirements for a dominant partner focus more on what she is willing to do to/with him. In his quest for a partner, he focuses on activities.

Before I met Mrs. Lion I understood all this very well. I also realized that what mattered most to me was a peaceful, happy, loving relationship. I resolved to put aside all my BDSM prerequisites in my hunt for a partner. I correctly figured that the odds of meeting someone who would meet all my needs and BDSM were very, very small. So, my quest was vanilla in nature.

I had more evidence to support my idea. Over the years in the scene, I’ve met quite a few very happy couples. Some were female-dominant and some were male-dominant. The one thing they had in common was that they met, fell in love, and married before BDSM entered into the picture. They had a loving relationship and then the kinky stuff came in.

I imagined that none of these people consciously plotted to entrap a partner and then pull them into a web of kink. That would be silly. I reasoned that if they were kinky to begin with, they realized that it was far more important to find love than a good spanker. I decided that I could get through the rest of my life quite happily if I had my soulmate by my side. If she didn’t want to tie me up and spank my butt, it didn’t matter.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I realized that I was about to make a major sacrifice. I decided it was the right thing to do. I went searching online through various dating sites. On one of them, the picture of a  wonderful smile instantly captured me. She had beautiful eyes and a smile that spoke to my soul. Her description of herself was brief and honest. I needed to meet her. We exchanged emails. They were pretty shallow; we didn’t talk about deep, soul-revealing thoughts. We both wanted sex.

She never asked about my appearance and I never asked about hers. I really didn’t care. I loved that smile and I really wanted to get laid. She wanted the same thing. We met at a motel and had sex. The sex was great and the company even better. We continued meeting and screwing. We got to know each other better and better. That one point I told her that I’d like to get spanked. She seemed unimpressed with that idea but agreed to give it a try. I barely felt her swats. They were little love taps. It didn’t matter. In my mind, if she never got any more vicious than this I would be happy.

I realized that I wanted her with me. She felt the same way. She also figured out something I didn’t know at the time. She understood that I really did need BDSM. And she felt that she could manage to do what I wanted. I, on the other hand, decided it didn’t matter much. I just wanted to be with her.

That’s how it started. Now, 17 years later we are a very happy, kinky couple. I discovered my secret for successful dating.


  1. Not to skew your statistics too much, but in our case, my wife and I met “in the scene” (actually, in a newsgroup if you can remember those), and in the throes of lots of BDSM play, discovered that we were an extremely compatible couple, and fell in love. It’s worked now for more than 15 years, and we’ve never been happier.

    Of note is that our interpersonal relationship is mostly that, with the spice of BDSM sprinkled on top. (Of course, we like our relationship quite a bit spicier than average…). Also, we began with a “traditional” male-dom paradigm, and are probably rather unusual in that chastity is still our only real exception to that model.

    It seems to me that the Lions have a similar relationship, that being based first on a solid mutual love. Of course, considering the title of this blog, that’s not the foremost thing that is apparent, but it seems to underlie all of the other activities. Congratulations on getting it right!

    1. Author

      it’s great that you found each other. You are the exception that proves the rule. Like you, we are very happy. The stuff we write about in this blog is a small part of our lives. Congratulations on more than 15 years together!

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