Every time I write about the topic of consensuality and punishment I invariably get critical comments. Typical of them, is this one by James:
“It is very interesting to see things unfold. So far, Lion has truly been the architect of his own misery, but he has also been very much in control and the one pushing things in the direction of greater severity and less flexibility (e.g., “binary spankings” regardless of offense). This quote was foreboding: “Punishment, on the other hand, requires a very good reason to be postponed. He better be sick or in pain. Simply not wanting to be punished won’t fly.”
It will be interesting to see what happens when he gets punished and really doesn’t want to, especially if he has a bad day at work or is down for some reason and has to come home to face what are by all accounts severe, very painful, and lasting spankings.”
The assumption is that just because I encourage Mrs. Lion to be more severe when she spanks me, I will exercise some sort of “control” to stop her if I don’t feel like experiencing such a painful spanking. James wonders what will happen when the day arrives that I don’t feel like submitting. Well, James, that day came and went several times. I absolutely didn’t want any part of the punishment and that did not stop Mrs. Lion. As it proceeded I felt increasingly angry and grumbled (in between yelping). She went on as she should. Afterward, I was quiet for a while and then all was good again in the lion house.
The assumption he makes is that I am asking for binary, unpleasant spankings because I like them. I admit that I like the idea of them. I think that pretty much all men in domestic discipline relationships like that idea. I don’t think any of us likes actual punishment. If I did, I would find ways to earn it. If Mrs. Lion ever caught me doing that, you can bet she would turn up the volume a lot.
As a matter of fact, while I’m receiving a painful, long-lasting spanking I am thinking about how stupid I was to get myself in the position to earn it. I never thought to myself, “Oh boy! I’m getting exactly what I want.” Sometime later I might have that thought, but certainly not while that paddle is lighting my rear end on fire.
The reasons I encourage Mrs. Lion to be more serious about spanking me aren’t simple. Certainly, one of them is that there’s a sexual component that makes me want her to give me a “real” spanking. For the record, most of the time that is what I get now. Another part of me realizes that spankings work in terms of teaching me. My behavior has changed as a result of consistent punishment for not doing the right thing. The first, somewhat-surprising sign of this was the fact that I “magically” began eating much more neatly.
From the beginning of our relationship, and if you want to know the truth, forever, I managed to spill food on my shirt. I was not a neat eater. I went through a lot of prewash stain remover. Within a couple of months of Mrs. Lion punishing me for spilling, without either of us consciously realizing it, I almost never got any food on my shirt. The only possible explanation is that I learned to eat more carefully to avoid getting spanked.
As my punishments got more severe, the speed at which I corrected things improved. Both of us noticed. During my illness this last year we had to stop. We didn’t discuss anything about our disciplinary relationship during most of the time we had suspended it. Toward the end as I got better, we both realized that we missed it.
For the record, even if I didn’t write anything about Mrs. Lion being more consistent and less concerned about my reaction to punishment, she would have continued evolving that way regardless. I wrote about it because I wanted her to know that I noticed and felt encouraged by the change. Once I have earned a punishment, it is very clear to me that I shouldn’t have any input into how or when I get punished or how severe it is. I’m much better off when I’m not included in that conversation. This is difficult for Mrs. Lion because she likes my feedback.
James also commented about the fact that I referred to version numbers when it comes to Mrs. Lion. Actually she started that. Early on, as she found herself growing into different and more advanced modes, she announced that she was becoming lioness 2.0. We both thought that it was cute and funny. We’ve kept it up and have labeled various behavioral milestones with version numbers. 3.0 was marked by her willingness to punish me for doing things and annoy her. There were other things about it as well. 4.0 I think is about binary punishment and disregard for my reaction to it. It’s also about being more consistent about punishing me for doing things that upset her.
I don’t have to be happy about a spanking when it’s happening. I don’t even have to agree that I want to accept it when I’m told to get into position to be punished. I got myself into trouble and I know the consequences. The rest of the time I’m very happy that I’m in this situation. I may absolutely hate being punished. That’s the idea, isn’t it? I accept it as a loving correction and part of an agreement we have made. It’s absolutely no different than my surrendering sexual control to her. There are plenty of times I want to jerk off. I can’t because I surrendered sexual pleasure to my lioness. There are probably more times I’m unhappy about not being able to get off then times I am unhappy about having to be punished.
As Mrs. Lion likes to say in that pity-voice, “Poor Lion.”