The Truth About Orgasm Denial

Orgasm denial is one of the most popular topics in the world of submissive men. It’s developed enormous mythology around the power of suppressing ejaculation. This came to mind because I read a ridiculous post by a self-proclaimed female dominant who claims there are all sorts of physical and mental effects when a man is prevented from ejaculating. It’s part of bigger mythology surrounding the immense power of a penis.

There’s no question we like our cocks. I’m very fond of mine. I like it because it’s capable of giving me extremely pleasurable sensations. Nature intended this. After all, in order to propagate the species we need some sort of incentive to have sex with a female. Primates also use sex recreationally. Unlike most other mammals, we mate for fun without pregnancy being the objective. In other words, we enjoy recreational sex.

As males, we learn that when no one is around who will have sex with us, we can take care of it ourselves by masturbating. It’s a fun activity that when not overdone, is completely healthy. Men who decide they want to submit to someone sexually, generally relinquish control of when they can ejaculate. This is certainly true of me. Mrs. Lion has trained me not to masturbate. The only way I can ejaculate is if she uses her hand or mouth to get me off. She doesn’t do this when I ask her to. She does it when she decides I should get an orgasm. This is called orgasm denial or orgasm control.

Both men and women have mechanisms that cut in when sex is not available. In the absence of sexual stimulation, the desire for sex diminishes over time. This is a complex process involving brain chemistry and hormones. If, on the other hand, there is sexual teasing, conversation, or visual stimulation, the desire to have sex will stay reasonably strong without actual sexual activity.

BDSM orgasm denial is intended to keep the male as interested in sex as possible without allowing him to release. Mrs. Lion plays with my penis almost every night pushing me as close to orgasm as she can over and over, without letting me come. This make sure that all of those nice little hormones are circulating in my body and I ache for a chance to ejaculate. The fact that I can’t because she won’t let me is a very hot expression of her power over me.

I get very horny and think sexual thoughts, get some spontaneous erections, and very badly want release. My body isn’t particularly troubled by all this. Contrary to popular belief, being sexually aroused and denied for any amount of time is nothing more than frustrating. My balls won’t swell up. I won’t produce hormones I can’t get rid of. All I’ll do is feel very frustrated. If I happen to be a submissive man, I could channel this frustration into increased obedience. I could imagine that if I was a good enough boy she might let me ejaculate.

On the other hand, if it’s me, I’m just going to get frustrated and horny and grumble a little bit now and then. I don’t feel any overwhelming need to get more obedient, do the dishes, or lick Mrs. Lion’s paws. The desire to do that is all in the mind of the person who wants to do it. There is no biological force making a man more submissive if he is horny. That’s not entirely true. I don’t think there’s a guy in the world who hasn’t done stuff he doesn’t want to do in the hopes it will get him into the panties of a woman he’s pursuing. How much he’s willing to do is a function of how badly he wants her.

Orgasm denial, no matter how long it goes on, is a psychological game. There are no physical risks associated with not having ejaculations. It’s absolutely safe to be edged and never allowed to ejaculate. It’s frustrating, but that’s the idea. If you think about it, the whole point of orgasm denial and control is to create a powerful mechanism that can be used to dominate the man. All the activities around orgasm denial draw attention to the penis. That attention is drawn in a way that encourages arousal. However, it doesn’t permit ejaculation. It’s designed to increase interest in sex and to emphasize that satisfaction only can come from the woman who’s in control.

That’s it. It’s almost impossible to play this game without increasing the dominant partner’s control. If one seriously agrees not to get himself off, he’s lost the game of power. Mrs. Lion makes sure that my interest in sex remains high. She celebrates my erections and stimulates my penis until I’m almost ready to ejaculate. She does this daily in most cases, and makes sure she lets me know that she likes how quickly I get hard. She also lets me know that I’ll get my chance to ejaculate when she’s good and ready.

She generally keeps me waiting between four and 10 days. She can keep me longer if she wishes. Some men like much longer waits. I haven’t come across a couple where the woman demands long intervals between orgasms. Generally, most women want the wait to be just long enough to make the point. That is, long enough so that he knows that no matter how much he wants a chance to ejaculate, he’s not going to get it until she decides she wants him to have it. After all, it’s about power. Most women like seeing men ejaculate. Many, like Mrs. Lion, have fun giving him orgasms. Orgasm denial is an extended form of foreplay. It’s also a very good way for a woman to assert sexual power.


  1. “I read a ridiculous post by a self-proclaimed female dominant who claims

    Oh, I see the problem, right here.

    1. Author

      LOL Indeed, my mistake.

  2. I definitely feel more ‘submissive’ 10 days after an orgasm than I do 10 minutes after, and those feelings continue to grow with duration of denial. There’s certainly enough information out there about how oxytocin and dopamine (and etc.) levels change before and after orgasm to think that these feelings (wanting to serve, be disciplined, and be denied even further) aren’t purely psychological. They may be exaggerated in a man’s FLR fantasy, but I think they’re real.
    Thanks for the blog and all the postings!

  3. There’s actually an evolutionary reason why men are so compelled to have orgasms, by masturbation if necessary, beyond the pleasure involved. The viability of sperm in the man’s body is limited to three or four days; after that, it’s not effective at fertilizing an egg, even if it manages to get there (which it probably wouldn’t). Frequent ejaculations “keep the pipes primed”, ensuring that the ejaculate contains fresh and active spermatozoa.

    So, having an orgasm truly is a “biological imperative”, just as the desire for companionship is (it furthers the success of the species). It therefore is not surprising that various hormone levels shift around to effect changes in mood and desire. However, the evidence for *physical* problems as a result of not ejaculating is very spotty, at best.

    1. Author

      I agree that there are hormonal changes. However, we go into sexual starvation mode if no sexual stimulation is received after a time. In my case, it begins about 2 weeks after my last stimulation. Interest in sex tapers off slowly.It never entirely disappears since we have to be available if the opportunity to mate happens. Females go into sexual hibernation much more strongly than males.

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