Selective Memory

Sometimes Lion and I remember things differently. I think it’s normal. My ex and I used to fight for hours before we realized we were saying the same thing. Maybe it’s the same reason people can witness a crime and see different things. It all depends on your point of view.

Oddly enough, the two points from his post this morning that bother me the most are not tickling his balls and the mechanical handjobs. You’d think it would be the part about losing my sex drive or his inability to come in any position but on his back. (Okay, that last one bothers me a bit.) Those two might be somewhat related. I loved it when Lion took me from behind either vaginally or anally. Ah, the good old days.

Every time I edge Lion I play with his balls. I always tickle them. I know he loves that. Obviously I can’t/don’t tickle them the entire time. I do it to get him harder. I do it to get him closer to the edge. I do it to make him think this time will be the time he’ll get to ejaculate. If he doesn’t even know I’m doing it, why do it? [Lion — I absolutely know when she does it. I’m greedy. I want more.]

When I’m giving him oral attention I generally do more of a ball massage, but I do still tickle him. And I have been known to wiggle my finger toward his ass hole. He moans whether I tickle, massage or finger so I always assumed he knew what I was doing. Now I wonder. [Lion — Of course I know!]

Over the past few months, Lion has been taking a lot longer to get to the edge. That’s part of the reason I did my oral experiment. I gave him attention until my neck or mouth got sore. If he got aroused enough to make it to the edge in that time, happy day. If not, oh well. Yes, oral is more uncomfortable for me. Doing it depends on how my stomach feels and other aches and pains. Last night, for example, my sinuses were bothering me. I didn’t want to be gasping for air while sucking him.

Vaginal creates a different problem. I have to get Lion excited enough to maintain the erection while I lube him up and get into position. More often than not he’ll make a comment about wishing I could enjoy it too. I love feeling him inside me. I just can’t get him excited and myself excited at the same time. I want him to enjoy the ride.

Handjobs tend to feel mechanical, in part, because it takes him so long to get to the edge. If I want to maintain the ability to jerk him off, I have to do it a certain way. If I want to make it less mechanical, I run out of steam. Last night I was trying to make things more varied (I always try to) and my hand and arm started to go numb.

I have issues with pain. My left bicep has been sore for quite some time. My right shoulder probably has a rotator cuff tear from years ago. Having gone through doctor appointments with Lion, I know it has most likely torn a little at a time for a long time. It only hurts when I laugh.

Because of my aches and pains, I adjust things accordingly. I don’t throw footballs or baseballs anymore. Damn! I could have been a contender. I also adjust how I jerk Lion off depending on the length of time I’ll be doing that activity. The longer the duration, the more mechanical. That’s part of the reason I use the Magic Wand. It speeds the process up even though it tends to hurt me more. Sometimes it’s a toss-up.

Why do I do things for him when I’m in pain? If I waited until I wasn’t in pain, I’d never do anything. I want to do things for him. When I’m in too much pain I let him know. Sometimes he doesn’t take the hint when I say “my XYZ is really killing me”. Sometimes I have to come right out and tell him we won’t be playing because, as I’ve said five times since I’ve been home, my XYZ hurts. Sometimes he needs to be hit over the head with the obvious.

Is it any wonder he needs to be spanked?