Things have been exceptionally quiet here lately. I’ve managed to follow all my rules and I have avoided annoying Mrs. Lion by interrupting her or otherwise showing disrespect for what she says. To compound things, we’ve both been under the weather and neither of us is had any interest in pursuing anything sexual. Have we reached a sort of, “if no one is in the woods, does a tree make a sound when it falls?” situation? If, for example, I’m not interested in sex, are we really practicing orgasm denial?
In the context of male chastity, this is a pretty silly question. Male sexual desire, like gravity, will eventually win out. In another, completely different context, this question has drawn an enormous amount of debate over the last couple of decades. Consider domestic discipline:
Outside of certain radical religious sects, domestic discipline is implemented when the partner who wants to be “taken in hand” asks his or her spouse to take charge. I’ve recently done some research into what other people think about domestic discipline. From three decades ago, there wasn’t a lot of writing on the subject. What writing there was came from women who wanted to be taken in hand. Some of the writing that has survived through the years, admits to a rather surprising origin.
In situations where DD was a voluntary arrangement, the principal reason given for asking to be taken in hand was the desire to be spanked. These women, made it very clear that they had strong spanking fantasies that provided the principal incentive to ask their husbands to take charge. Immediately following this admission, to a person, they also said that they felt the need for guidance and control.
Here’s the part that may be surprising: They also made a point that they didn’t expect their husbands to be their masters or dominants. They expected their relationships to remain one of equals. The only exception is that the head of the household, their husbands, would have the last word when the last word was needed and with their agreement make rules that would then be enforced.
More recent writers on the subject admit that they are a little bit embarrassed by the BDSM flavor of these early writers. Apparently, they would like to stay as far away from spanking “hobbyists” as they possibly can.
Without revealing my source, more recent writings, this time by males who want to be taken in hand, show the same emotional allergy to BDSM as their female equivalents. However, one way or another, they all express the fact that they wanted to be spanked by their wives. The initial motivation for these disciplinary relationships is invariably connected to the very sexual desire to be spanked. I’ve yet to find any writer on the subject who claimed they wanted to be spanked because they liked pain.
I am in full agreement with this. My initial approach to Mrs. Lion had a lot of basis in my desire to be spanked. My second motive was that I wanted to feel her control and authority. I wanted her to be able to enforce her will. This turns out to be very similar to what those earlier writers wanted. The gender of the person wanting to be taken in hand has nothing to do with any of it.
I thought that Mrs. Lion and I were unique because we maintain a true partnership. Even though she is the Head of Household, we are partners. Both of us collaborate on the boundaries of her authority and the rules she enforces. This is exactly the same as it is in countless other domestic discipline households.
Just as enforced male chastity is completely unrelated to controlling pathological masturbators, domestic discipline has nothing to do with spousal abuse or domestic tyranny. Both are rather benign practices shared between consenting adults.
Once you recognize this, a lot of the other stuff you read starts to get much more comprehensible. For example, some contemporary domestic discipline folks look back at the material on the Disciplinary Wives Club, a popular website of the 90’s and early 2000’s, as almost religious material. Many fervently believe that the group spankings, disciplinary club meetings, and other very arousing activities were not only real but something to be aspired to. The DWC, as it is referred to by these people, is frequently cited as the inspirational source for many spanked males asking their wives to punish them.
I read that website many years ago, and reread it recently. I have to admit it’s really hot stuff. I don’t believe any of it is real. This is heresy among the spanked husbands who follow it religiously. I don’t think it matters whether it is real or not. The DWC strikes a resonant chord with a lot of men who want to be spanked. The site disappeared for a number of years. It later resurfaced but was discredited because it was not faithful to the original. You can now read the original DWC here. I find some of the material just as hot as I did all those years ago.
Those of us who are lucky enough to be in disciplinary relationships, sometimes want to make what we do more important than it is. Somehow, associating it with BDSM, or with fantasies about spanking, diminishes the importance of what we do.
I completely disagree. If a young person wants to be a doctor because she believes it will make her rich and then does the work to finish medical school, then practices medicine and saves many lives, is she somehow diminished by the fact that the motive she had all those years ago was getting rich? Similarly, if I went to Mrs. Lion and asked her to take me in hand because I get turned on thinking about being spanked, and as a result we forge a deeper much richer relationship, do I have to denounce the sexual/BDSM roots of that original request? Too many guys think they do.
As Mrs. Lion and I have both learned, it doesn’t matter whether or not I get an erection when I think about being spanked. When I get punished that spanking hurts. It doesn’t hurt any less because I got hard thinking about getting it. More importantly, consistently spanking me when I break a rule conditions me to change my behavior. Does it matter at all if my penis gets hard when I think about that too?