It happened again. Lion snoozes and I get asked why I’m sitting so far away from him. He insists he wasn’t snoozing long. It was about an hour with three brief awakenings to zoom past the commercials with the remote. Before I could even attempt to move, he was asleep again. As a matter of fact, I was talking to him for a few minutes before I realized he was asleep.

He says it’s normal for someone his age to snooze in the evenings. He insists I can wake him up. I figure he needs the sleep. If he’s not sleeping well at night, any sleep he gets is good. So why am I wrong for playing on the iPad on my side of the bed while he snoozes?

Lion thinks the issue is that he’s under the blankets and cozy, so he sleeps. That may be part of it. I think another part of it is that we spend a lot of time in bed. We sleep there, eat there, watch TV there and, of course, have sex there. That’s not to say Lion wouldn’t fall asleep in the living room watching TV. He does that too. I’m just trying to reconcile why I’m wrong for his sleeping.

When I came out of the shower last night, I was thinking about getting the paddle out so I could whomp him for his previous infraction. There are two problems with that. It’s been such a long time since he committed that infraction, is it even worth punishing anymore? And he was asleep.

I know. I know. I could have awakened him. Again, I figured if he was asleep it was because he needed the sleep. Silly me.

Maybe tonight I should put the paddle on the bed before I go into the shower and tell him if he’s asleep when I get out, he’ll be whomped. Is that fair? Should he be punished for falling asleep if it’s a normal part of growing old? Is it any less fair than my being questioned about why I’m so far away while he’s sleeping?

Yes, it is a little lonely watching TV by myself while he snoozes but I’m not mad at him for doing it. He needs to sleep sometime. I do think he can mitigate it by moving around a bit more. That’s what I do when I’m falling asleep at work. A short walk down the hall or just changing positions in the chair helps. But is it my place to make him stay awake? I am in charge, but I never considered being in charge on that level. (Truth be told, I never really considered being in charge until Lion wanted me to be.) Wouldn’t waking him up be on the same level as knocking a donut out of his hand because I think he needs to lose weight? I didn’t think that was part of our FLRD. I guess it could be, but I don’t really want it to be.

On the other hand, if he’s not awake I can’t edge him. Doesn’t he want to be edged? Shouldn’t he be trying to stay awake if he wants fun? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this post about sleeping? I’m probably making this a bigger deal than it has to be, but in order to get back to the good stuff, we have to figure this out.

The root of all of the complex emotional and physical manifestations of male chastity and any other sort of power exchange is undeniably sexual. I chose to give Mrs. Lion the control she has over me. The root of that desire for her to own my sexuality and become my disciplining wife is the deep sense of arousal that doing this makes me feel. I suppose in some sense, this is my motive and my motivation for doing this.

I don’t believe that anyone is born being submissive or dominant. I think the choice we make to take on either role is based on the circumstances at the time we do it. I know this flies in the face of the romantic mythology surrounding these practices. People like to ascribe deeper meaning to events in their lives. For example, when someone has been incarcerated, once released he will become, at least for a while, a strong advocate of prison or judicial reform. It’s an effort to convert a negative experience into something meaningful. This happens to people who lose friends and relatives an accident or some other unpredictable event. They will dedicate themselves to preventing such things from happening again.

I’m not claiming that the sort of reaction we have to our dedication to enforced male chastity or Female Led Relationship with Discipline is the same thing. However, it’s similar. I think it’s an effort to build a context in which our practices can comfortably live. If I consider myself submissive by nature, then it’s perfectly natural for me to expect to obey and be disciplined by my partner. It’s expected that I will have a strong desire for her control. I am living my preordained purpose in life.

The same, of course, is true of people who like to think of themselves as dominant. Not too surprisingly, most of us who have been sexually dominant in the past, don’t consider it our preordained destiny. That’s one of the biggest differences between people who want to submit and those who dominate them. Domination is a service performed for someone who wishes to be submissive. That’s why the entire concept of professional dominance is perfectly reasonable.

A person who wants to be submissive in some aspects of his life, will get gratification out of the actions of his dominant partner. From my own experience with enforced male chastity and, of course, Mrs. Lion’s leadership, I get a strong sense of place and comfort. I actively work to support her in her role. Speaking from my own experience, there is no corresponding sense of place and comfort in a dominant role. Being in charge is a responsibility. Having to observe behavior and punishing infractions isn’t rewarding work. It’s a service that supports the overall structure largely created for the benefit of the submissive partner.

This inevitably leads to the question: What is in it for the dominant partner? What does Mrs. Lion get out of this arrangement? Over the years I’ve been writing these posts, you know that I don’t believe giving sexual favors to her represents any sort of payment for her efforts. As my wife, they are things that I’ll give her regardless of any arrangements. I enjoy them as much as she does. All of the male chastity mythology says that the keyholder gets paid for her services by extensive sexual favors and domestic chores being performed by her caged male. I think it’s a load of crap.

The benefit to Mrs. Lion is that she sees how much her efforts make me happy. It’s taken quite a while for her to fully grasp, but she knows that even when she administers painful punishments, I’m benefiting in a very positive way. Some people think that this sort of behavior is maternal. It certainly resembles it in that a loving-but-stern female is in charge and metes out punishments and rewards for behavior she wishes her charge to learn. In fact, some of the mythology suggests that a dominant woman is by nature, maternal.

I don’t think of Mrs. Lion as my mommy, and I know she doesn’t think of me as her son. There is a certain sort of syntax that people adopt in a dominant/submissive situation. The submissive partner is often referred to as a “boy” or “girl” as a way of verbally assigning lower status to that partner. This can be easily misinterpreted as son or daughter. I disagree. Mrs. Lion sometimes tells me that I am a “good boy”. She doesn’t mean it in the sense that I am her son. We both understand to mean that it’s a way of showing that she is in charge.

Some women who like to take the dominant role get sexual pleasure out of exercising it. Many don’t. Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem to get any particular pleasure out of being in charge. Before her libido faded, being the dominant partner did not arouse her at all. Submitting to her turns me on to this day.

This gets me to a very important point: Only one partner needs to make the sexual connections necessary for dominance and submission. Sometimes, both make that connection. In our case it’s just me. That doesn’t mean I walk around associating sex with Mrs. Lion’s role as my disciplining wife. I don’t. But I understand that at the root of all of this stuff, that’s what’s going on. On the other hand, Mrs. Lion, I think, feels a sense of satisfaction and pleasure out of her success dominating me.

D/S on a scene basis is fueled by sexual desire for this sort of stuff by one or both partners. When I was a top, I was not turned on by being dominant. I was turned on by the obvious sexual implications of playing with a naked woman. Those of us who actually practice power exchanges on a full-time basis have much more complex motives. In the beginning, I think I was driven by the sexual pleasure I got out of my new role. Mrs. Lion provided the service out of a desire to make me happy. As time went by, the sexual element for me at least, remained, but I found deeper meaning in my role as a disciplined husband. I can’t articulate exactly what that is. All I know is that when we had to suspend our disciplinary relationship after my surgery last spring, we both felt something was missing.

Since I wasn’t particularly interested in sex after my surgery, I can’t claim that the reason I felt there was an empty space in my life was due to the lack of sexual stimulation. It obviously wasn’t. Since Mrs. Lion was never sexually motivated by our activities, it can’t be the reason she felt something wasn’t there.

So, after six years of being in our FLRD, apparently our power exchange provides us with context inside our relationship. It’s not that we couldn’t stay together if we stopped. There’s nothing that will separate us other than death. But we were happier when we practiced our FLRD and male chastity. This surprised both of us. We were also confused by this.

All I can say is that something that began because it turned me on (it still turns me on), evolved into something deeper and more profound. As weird as it seems, we’re going to continue doing this the rest of our lives. Mrs. Lion, who never picked up a paddle before she met me, now considers it a necessary part of her life. It not only serves as a way of punishing me, it’s also a symbol of our power exchange. Even though we did it half in fun, there was something more profound behind our decision to hang a paddle at the entrance of our camper. We have to take it down when we travel and remember to put it up when we reach our destination. Mrs. Lion always remembers to do that.

It just goes to show that you can’t predict the twists and turns your life can take. I don’t think either of us would have guessed we’d end up this way. Mrs. Lion was sure that I wouldn’t want to continue with enforced male chastity for more than a few days after starting it. She was flabbergasted that we kept it up and adopted it into our relationship permanently. I think we were both surprised that our disciplinary relationship kept evolving. I’m not sure that I had a lot of faith that we would be able to sustain it. I don’t think Mrs. Lion was sure either. But we did. Whether anyone else does it or not, I am in a marriage where Mrs. Lion is in charge and I get punished when I do things I shouldn’t. I know that this will never change. I’m very happy about that.

Lion spent a lot of time snoozing yesterday. This included the evening. Somewhere around 9:30 he woke up. I was waiting for him to ask if we were going to do anything sexual, but he didn’t.

We’ve been having sort of a disconnect lately. Lion will snooze in the early evening and then wonder why we don’t play earlier. Or he’ll snooze till 9 and wonder why we don’t play at all. Maybe my “schedule” is geared to play early too and when we don’t do it, I lose interest.

Neither of us knows why he snoozes so much. There’s been no recent change in medication. For the past few days, with the exception of last night, he’s been sleeping well at night. Why would he be so tired during the day? But obviously, if he snoozes during the day, he doesn’t sleep at night. And then he needs to snooze during the day to make up for not sleeping at night. It’s a vicious cycle.

I can’t profess to having perfect sleep. There are days I’m falling asleep at my desk. I think the difference is that if I snooze a bit when I get home, it’s only for a bit. And then I’m awake again. Lion doesn’t even realize he’s been sleeping. He’ll insist it’s only been a few minutes when it’s been almost an hour. It may be time to ask the doctor.

In addition to Lion snoozing, we also watched the Giants lose. Yet again. If anything should put him to sleep, it should have been the game. I think he might have snoozed during some of it. He didn’t miss much.

I’m hoping Lion can be awake enough to play tonight. I can’t get him to the edge if I can’t wake him up. This might be part of the problem with not being able to get him to the edge consistently anymore. Sexual narcoplepsy. If there is such a thing, I wonder if it means sleeping through sex rather than having sleep affect sex. In any case, I’m not giving up.

To be fair, Lion always says to wake him up. I feel bad. If he’s sleeping, he must need it. Plus, waking him up is no guarantee I’ll be able to edge him. He has been known to fall asleep in the middle of a hand job. That’s usually the only time I feel bad about him not being able to perform. Am I really that unexciting that he falls asleep in the middle of a hand job? Sheesh!

[Lion — I wish I could understand it too. When I fall asleep, much of the time I’m not aware I even did it. If I’m watching TV, I’ll be surprised that I’m near the end of the story when I only remember seeing things start. I don’t fall asleep during sex very often. I don’t think it’s a reflection of my interest or disinterest. I have absolutely no idea what is happening. Maybe it is time to see a doctor.]

Saturday night was date night. The plan was to snuggle in bed, eat fun food, and watch a movie together. Mrs. Lion let me pick the film. I selected “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” This is a movie based on a book of the same name. The story is narrated by a golden retriever. Mrs. Lion has never been anxious to see this, or for that matter read the book, because she doesn’t like stories in which dogs die. Spoiler alert: the dog dies of old age in this movie and it made me cry. Anyway, I asked her if she was sure that she wanted to see this film, and she was.

This movie has special meaning for me. Years ago, after we had been on the West Coast for about five years, Mrs. Lion found out that there was a program where you could drive on a real racetrack. She knows that one of the things that was on top of my bucket list was to be able to drive on the racetrack. I never wanted to race. I just wanted to experience driving a car racetrack.

I’ve always loved and owned sports cars. One of my first was a Nissan 240 Z. God, I loved that car! It was a nice little 2-seater. I drove it from New York across the plains through the Rockies back down through the Southwest and home for a six week vacation. On that trip I got to drive it to the top of Pike’s Peak. Typical of Z’s, it was prone to overheating. I didn’t care. It was worth pulling over to the side of the road to let it cool down when needed.

Anyway, I had just bought a brand-new Nissan 370 Z Sport. When I bought it, I had fantasies of taking it on a track. The sport model had a suspension suitable for racing. There were some other technical problems in that department. Like my first, it was prone to overheat. This time, instead of the water overheating, the oil would under severe driving conditions. I knew that when I bought it but I didn’t care because I never expected to drive it that hard. I used it to go to and from work every day.

When we were at the dealer and I bought the car, I told Mrs. Lion that I always dreamed of going on a racetrack. I also told her that I had absolutely no expectation I would be able to do it. It was a fun fantasy. Being the amazing wish-granting lioness that she is, somehow she found out that it was possible to drive on the Pacific Raceways track. Without telling me, she looked into it and discovered that the cost of getting the necessary training to simply take your car on the track was very expensive. She couldn’t afford it. However, she told me about it. I looked into it and figured I could manage to get the money together to do it. Mrs. Lion was very happy.

Before you could take a car on the track, you had to have a special license. To just simply drive on the track you needed a “sport driving license” that was issued by the Proformance Racing School. With Mrs. Lion’s encouragement, I signed up for the two day sport license program. A helmet is required on the course, so I ordered one online. The lessons were about a month away. While waiting, I spent a lot of time “trying on” my shiny black helmet.

The course itself was interesting and challenging. The first day, we spent several hours in the racing school’s classroom learning about the art of racing. There is a lot to know. We learned about stopping distances, turn strategies, etc. Then, we spent the afternoon doing exercises in our cars where we learned how to cope with understeer, weave through tightly spaced traffic cones, and make instantaneous decisions when an instructor first waved a flag to make us go either left or right at a specific point. We didn’t get on the track that day.

The next day, we drove with an instructor with us. First, the instructor drove my car while I listened to him narrate the trip around the track. It was thrilling. Finally, my dream was coming true. Mrs. Lion came along in her truck and sat in the stands and watched exercises. After a lap or two with the instructor driving, I was allowed to take over. He sat in the passenger seat and gave me instructions as I traveled around the track. It was amazing! I was really driving on an honest-to-God racing track. I was in heaven. The next day, I got to solo. There was one more step to getting my license. I had to go onto the track next week on a regular track day where other drivers who weren’t in the class would be driving, and while an instructor road with me observing, I would have to navigate my way around in traffic.

Without wasting any more time, let me say that I didn’t and had a great time. I was given my license and was able to go out on track days with my car and experience the thrill and terror of driving as fast as I can around the sports racetrack. The reason this has a lot to do with the movie is that the author, like me, was trained at the same track by the same people. In fact, he visited the track and the racing school one day that I was there and I was introduced to him. I got the book and loved it.

The movie is about a dog who loves racing. That makes sense. It’s also about a lot more. But the dog that the book was based on actually belonged to the owner of the racing school. This wonderful golden retriever would snooze in front of the school building while we buzzed in and out for our sessions on the track. At lunchtime he would visit each of us and see what he could mooch in the way of food. I had a female golden retriever at home. This track dog made me feel much more comfortable about the scary world of high-speed driving.

It was this personal connection that made me want to see this film. In fairness, the movie doesn’t have a lot to do with actual track driving. In fact, it’s a very nice love story narrated by a very nice golden retriever. Both Mrs. Lion and I shed real tears during this film. It got a lot of publicity before it premiered and then, probably due to poor box office performance, got no more advertising. This is a movie well deserving of a shot. I absolutely love that. The script was tender, funny, and very interesting.

Well if you got this far down in the post you deserve a little bit of an update on the other stuff. As you probably know, I had an orgasm on Friday night. We didn’t do anything sexual on Saturday. Mrs. Lion assumes I needed it as a part of my refractory period. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. But, the truth is that I wasn’t really thinking much about sex on Saturday. I had told Mrs. Lion that I was healed from my fall and she could resume the spankings that I am owed. Later in the day on Saturday, I changed my mind. It was still hurting deep inside when I sat down. She agreed to wait another day. Sunday, I didn’t feel any pain from the injury. Sunday night, the spanking resumes and I will feel pain, this time from Mrs. Lion’s paddle.