I had to do a Costco run last night to get the dog’s medicine. It took me an hour out of my way, round trip. By the time I got home and wrangled the packages off the front porch into the house, it was about 6:30. Lion was snoozing. We chatted a few minutes without him attempting to come out from under the covers. Then he asked what I wanted to do about dinner.
I hate that question. What I want to say is that he’s been home all damn day and why is it up to me to figure out dinner when I just walked in the door! But I said I didn’t know. He suggested stir fry. There are certain things he cooks, certain things I cook and other things either of us cook. Stir fry is mine.
So now I’ve run a “long” errand, unpacked deliveries and I’m making dinner, and Lion is still under the covers. Bring. It. On.
I did manage to calm down a bit before he decided to wander into the kitchen. Stir fry isn’t hard. It’s just one more thing added to the list. I knew I still needed to package Lion’s medications so he can take one packet each morning and night. Think PillPack before PillPack was a thing. Anyway, dinner was in the works.
After I took my shower I did the medications and it was a little after 9. We were holding hands and watching TV. Earlier in the day, Lion asked if we could be closer in the evening, not just for sex but to be close. He wondered if I was going to snuggle.
I always think snuggle is code for sex. It seems to be in Lion’s mind, but he denies it every time. Eventually, however, he said he guessed sex wasn’t happening. I won’t say I was tired from Costco or doing his medications, but holy cow sometimes it seems like sex is the only thing on his mind. By this time it was 10 and I didn’t think anything would come of it if I tried to edge him. He agreed. Grudgingly.
This morning he said he just wants to get sex back in his life. Has it been out of his life? I mean, I tried edging him the other night. And, I think, the night before that. I get it. He means actually getting to the edge and/or an orgasm. Maybe the problem is putting too much emphasis on it.
The other day he was talking about sex for me. He hopes he can jump start my libido. On Monday, when he reminded me of punishment day and “my” day, I told him it felt like a lot of pressure. He thought I meant pressure for him to initiate. Actually I meant pressure on me. Not only am I in charge of sex for him, I’m trying to be happy about sex for me again. No, I don’t want to not be in charge of sex for him. No, I don’t want a break from that so I can be happy about sex for me. I’m fine with no sex for me. It just feels like Lion wants it so bad for me that I have to want it. And that’s pressure.
Maybe there’s too much going on right now to add that to the mix. Let’s focus on Lion. Let’s focus on unpacking. Let’s focus on getting out of 2019. I’m convinced brighter days are ahead. We just have to get out of this damn year.
[Lion — It isn’t all that simple. Yesterday, for example, I was having a very bad day. I had a lot of work to do (I work from home) and I was exhausted because I haven’t had more than two hours sleep a night for the past two nights. Thanks to my fall Monday night, walking was unsteady and I needed a cane just to get around the house. When I finished work about 5 PM, I went into the bedroom got under the covers and started watching TV. I fell asleep. That was very welcome. I woke up when Mrs. Lion came home at about six. I did ask her what’s for dinner. I had hoped that she had picked up a chicken at Costco that we could have for dinner. She said she had thought about that but decided not to get it. She had no idea what we could have for dinner so I suggested stirfry.
Being this unstable on my feet, makes me very nervous about preparing food. Our kitchen is hardly a good place for me to do things right now because we are not completely unpacked and there is almost no counter space on which to work. I asked about sex only because I’m worried that I’ve lost my mojo. I asked Mrs. Lion about sex for her because I really want her back and having fun. I managed to get a good nights sleep last night. Finally! I feel much steadier on my feet and I’ve already baked a batch of corn muffins for breakfasts. I feel horrible that I can’t pitch in more.]
[Mrs. Lion – I don’t mean to put pressure on Lion. I know he has good days and bad days. I’m just venting and trying to figure out how to navigate life lately.]