I was surprised by Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday. She wrote that she had a twinge of sexual desire. Reading the post was the first I’ve heard of that. I would have been very happy to fan the flames had I known. She also said that she wondered if her focus on my sexual pleasure might be suppressing her own interest. She made this comment because she has not been thinking about sex for me since the instructions from the hospital said I should not have “intimate activity” for a while after the surgery. I don’t know how much time that information sheet said, but Mrs. Lion is decided it’s important for her to stay away sexually.

Before reading her post, I was considering writing about what turns me on. No, not the obvious stuff; the deeper, more subtle forces that act on me. In light of her post, perhaps it’s useful to consider what has the opposite effect on both of us. One of my biggest turn-on’s is when I can excite my lioness. I’ve missed those wonderful sessions when I could bring her to orgasm after orgasm. Apparently, doing the same for me may suppress Mrs. Lion’s sexual interest. I don’t understand that. Does it mean that we can bring her libido back if she ignores my sexual needs?

I wasn’t aware that she put much time into thinking about those needs. It would be a good thing if she thought about her sexual needs instead. Mine aren’t all that complicated. If, in fact, taking the spotlight off me does allow her to get turned on, our enforced male chastity power exchange makes it very easy for her to do this. If I’m locked into a chastity device, it could be the signal for her to stop thinking about sex for me. After all, unless she unlocks me, I’m effectively sexually unavailable.

As a point of fact, my sexual unavailability started after my eye surgery last Friday. If by Sunday, this freed her up to focus, consciously or unconsciously, on sex for herself, there was only a matter of 24 hours or so to flip that switch. It certainly would make a nice male chastity story if she only got turned on when I’m sexually unavailable. Obviously I don’t need my penis to please her.

I don’t think not thinking about my sexual needs is what turned her on. It’s easy enough to test. I suspect that it was something else.  I don’t doubt for a second that I am a contributor to her loss of libido. I felt that way for a long time. At one point she said that her loss of interest was connected to the fact that I’m not very good at initiating sexual activity. She may be right, after all.

I doubt at this point that it would be very comfortable for either of us if I suddenly became sexually aggressive. I suspect that I am a large part of the problem, but not because of who initiates sex, but something more subtle. In some sense, I’m sure she considers that satisfying me sexually is important for her to do. She may worry about how well she is doing. She never mentions it, but I’m pretty sure it is a concern of hers.

I can hear the chorus of chastity fantasizers saying all she has to do is lock me up and stop worrying. That won’t work. It would probably make her anxiety grow because she would worry that I was unhappy. When I think about it, it seems to me this is part of the same issue that our disciplinary relationship is addressing. Mrs. Lion is learning that she has not only a right but an obligation to improve my behavior. One of the key principles behind our disciplinary relationship is that Mrs. Lion decides independent of me, what rules I must follow. If I do something that upsets her, she’s learning not to worry about making me happy, but to change my behavior through punishment.

Six years ago when we began enforced male chastity, our agreement was that Mrs. Lion would provide sexual attention, not necessarily orgasm, at least every other day. This has become a source of pressure for her. My medically required abstinence has given her license to disregard our every-other-day agreement. Maybe, it’s time to cancel that agreement. Mrs. Lion after all, is in charge and I’m completely behind letting her decide when I get sexual attention. I know it will mean I will go days without any genital contact. But if letting her establish the rhythm of my sexual stimulation allows her libido to return, I will be very happy.

This is an area where our FLRD and enforced mail chastity connect with one another. Our FLRD is teaching her to stay on top of her feelings and discipline me any time I upset her. Our male chastity agreement requires her to entertain me sexually on a fairly rigid schedule. I think when we first began, regular teasing was a way to make up for the lack of sexual attention I received prior to us beginning. It was a little like my no spilling food on my shirt rule. It guaranteed we would build disciplinary habits that would then carry into more serious parts of our relationship. The every-other-day teasing schedule was the sexual equivalent of assuring that I would break trivial rules frequently enough to build disciplinary habits.

Mrs. Lion has had more than enough time to build up sexual habits in relation to me. I think it’s perfectly safe to cancel the every-other-day clause in our original agreement. It may be time for her to think less about keeping me happy and more about what arouses her. I don’t know how this might work out for both of us. I suspect that very little will change, at least in the beginning. We’ve learned that over time, things will change. Mrs. Lion has evolved in our disciplinary relationship. She truly is in charge and appears to be comfortable punishing me as severely as needed.

The first step in our sexual change is as trivial as me letting her know that I no longer feel badly if I don’t get my near-daily teasing. In fact, it can be a punishable offense for me to nag her in any way about needing sexual attention. Part of me worries that we could revert to our pre–chastity state where I got nearly no sexual activity. I don’t think that will happen. However, it’s a worthwhile risk to take.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

I noticed something over the weekend. I had twinges of libido. Why? I don’t know. I was very tired most of the weekend so I’m surprised I had any feeling in any body part. By Sunday it was gone. Still, I wonder why it made a brief appearance at all.

The thought crossed my mind that it could be because I haven’t been focused on Lion so much. I don’t want that to sound like I’m blaming him. I’m not. It probably isn’t the reason. I’m still not thinking about Lion’s needs until we get the green light from the doctor. Of course, he wanted me to think about it last night while we were snuggling. Too bad. I’m following doctor’s orders.

Anyway, I don’t know why it woke up or how to get it to do it again. It’s not like I think about it. But I guess it’s good news that it’s still lurking somewhere in there even if I can’t get it to show up on demand. Maybe, now that I know it still exists, it will pop out more often. I don’t know. Just a thought.

Another thought I had last night, is that I could take the top drawer of my dresser and keep my most-used paddles in there. Out of the five drawers, I use three. I don’t even remember what’s in the bottom two. They’ve been concealed by shoes and other things piled in front of them. Clearly I don’t need five drawers for clothes. I’ll clean out the bottom two and move everything one drawer down to accommodate the paddles. That way they’ll always be right near the bed within reach. Handy access for butt whomping.

I suppose I could use two drawers for paddles. I just don’t know how many I need in the bedroom at any given time. I could also use one of them for toys other than paddles. Where will the Icy Hot live in the new house? Maybe in the paddle drawer. Maybe in an “Other” drawer. One of the issues has been keeping things where I can find them. The dresser might be the answer.

Poor Lion butt! He’ll love it.

This is my housewarming gift for Mrs. Lion. The long handle and heart -shaped striking area might be fun for her. She may want to just hang it for decoration.

We are getting closer to the day when things can get back to normal here. We’re both very anxious to re-stabilize. It’s not that I’m out of control and making Mrs. Lion miserable. The suspension of my rules has certainly saved me from some spanking, but things are orderly and functioning smoothly without the discipline. Nevertheless, we both miss it. The same is true of sex. We’ve suspended that as well to give my eyes their best chance of recovery. I expect that after a successful postop doctor’s visit on Friday, we can resume everything.

I think I am currently in one of my sexual drive spells. Even though Mrs. Lion hasn’t touched me sexually in days, I noticed that I’m not having many sexual thoughts. Also, I’m not having any spontaneous erections. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t bring me back into heat with some deft handwork. It’s just that I’m a little surprised that I’m not feeling particularly horny. It’s only been about a week since my last ejaculation. That’s more than long enough to get me ready to go on a moments notice. I’m not complaining. It’s more of a Lion weather report.

I ordered a little “housewarming” gift for Mrs. Lion. Actually, it’s more of a bun warmer. I decided it would be fun for her to get a brand-new paddle never used anywhere but the new place. I admit that it feels a little odd buying her yet another way to punish me. I couldn’t resist. I put a picture of the new paddle (above, right) on this post. I know that will spoil the surprise, but I couldn’t help myself.

I know she likes variety even in implements to punish me. That may seem confusing and contradictory to some. After all, spanking isn’t play and its objective is not to give me varied sensations, but to provide enough pain to discourage further offenses. From my perspective, I’m not really that interested in what she uses to paddle me. I can’t see any reason why I would prefer one paddle over another. It’s true that I prefer thud to sting. However, the preference grows dim after the first hundred swats. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t enjoy switching paddles. I realize I’m not supposed to enjoy any part of that process, but she can.

Selection of different paddles does add an appearance of play. But in practice, it’s not play at all to me. That’s how it should be. I have to admit that if Mrs. Lion was all business she wouldn’t need more than a couple of implements to punish me.

It turns out that up until now, at least, there is a little element of fun in the process for her. She gets some joy when she catches me violating one of my minor rules. While I don’t think she would admit it, there is some pleasure in delivering a memorable spanking. I don’t mind a bit. The educational value is not diminished if she enjoys catching me and swatting me. Just so long as I don’t enjoy it, everything works fine.

There is a certain amount of amusing irony in my situation. She knows that I asked her to assume her role. She also knows that on some level I want her to punish me effectively. In reading other blogs where men and women who spank and are spanked contribute, there is almost always the element of both partners finding some sort of pleasure in the process.

If it were pure misery for me and a necessary-but-tiresome chore for her, we almost certainly wouldn’t be blogging about it. It would just be a routine part of our lives. It’s this duality of fun and real punishment, that makes what we do appear confusing at times. It’s entirely possible to both love and hate something at the same time. It’s possible for me to get aroused thinking about a spanking, and then when it finally comes, hating every second of it.

Some women like the fact that a guy can get very aroused thinking about being spanked, yet within seconds of the spanking starting lose all arousal and fervently hope the spanking will end soon. I know that’s true of me. I can be erect and breathing hard when I assume the position. In less than 30 seconds I’ll be soft and yelping loudly. That’s what amuses some women. I know full well how unpleasant I will be feeling, yet be stupid enough to be sexually aroused until a little while after the punishment begins.

Some women have written that this odd behavior of being sexually aroused about something that is absolutely no fun once it starts, is one of the principal keys to getting big, strong males like me to meekly expose our rears for a painful spanking.

I agree with this up to a point. In the beginning, for many months actually, it was this arousal that assured I would be exposed and ready when Mrs. Lion wanted to spank me. Now, it’s not that so much. It’s still exciting to think about being spanked. However, I don’t get pre-spanking erections anymore. Now, I meekly assume the position because I have to. I’ve been trained to obediently accept spankings when my lioness wishes to administer them. I can’t imagine myself doing otherwise.

I think that she is also conditioned. There is nothing special about disciplining me. It’s a necessary activity she performs with the same lack of ritual I’ve adopted. That’s not to say that she just swats away. From my perspective, it feels like she experiments with different geography, speed, and intensity. For example, I’ve noticed that she likes to spread my cheeks open and paddle inside the crack. She’s commented that my yelps change when she goes to work in that area. She’s learned how to distribute the wealth more evenly over my hind quarters. As she’s explained it to me, she looks to make my entire rear end a nice, even dark red color. I think she also likes to hear me yelp.

 

We finally signed the lease yesterday. It was a day late. I had a whole plan of making several trips a day, ferrying boxes to the new house. It didn’t work Sunday. Monday I managed to get eleven boxes transported. By then I was done for. Taxiing Lion to appointments and packing to move fried me. I was going to move a few boxes every day after work, but I’ve decided to concentrate on packing during the week. Next weekend, a friend will help me move more boxes.

This morning, I imagined that Lion would have another problem with the fact that I packed all but four of each type of dish because all of one type was dirty. I turned the dishwasher on so it shouldn’t be an issue, but you never know. And I decided that I’ve been more than accommodating for his maladies so he should start accommodating my wishes and needs. I need to get things we’re keeping from point A to point B and I wish he would stop adding things to my list. On the one hand, he tells me he trusts that I can get things done. On the other hand, he tells me how my plan doesn’t work. I’m ready to buy new everything and burn the old house down behind me. And, you know, I’ve been so focused on packing and moving that it just occurred to me that I’ll have to unpack on the other end. Yup. Buying new and burning the house down.

I know this has nothing at all to do with male chastity. It only marginally has anything to do with female led relationship with discipline. Although…I’m thinking the rules should go back into place sooner rather than later so I can take out some of my frustrations with Lion on his butt. I guess mainly this post is to put Lion on notice that I’m stressed enough. I don’t need to worry about taking the dog to the vet so she can go to the kennel while we move. Those are two trips that don’t need to be on my plate right now. She can be in the camper with the windows open and a fan going. She understands the camper.

I won’t actually reinstate the rules at least until after this Friday’s follow up with the surgeon. No sex for two weeks notwithstanding, I need more of a green light that Lion is healing well. But Lion should be aware that the growling will continue and probably get louder the more stressed I feel.

Of course, I say this with the realization that I’ve been apologizing for everything the past week or so. Why does he get to make me feel bad that I didn’t hear him ask for a chocolate shake at Burger King? I’d promise that I’ll growl next time he does it, but we both know I’ll probably apologize again. Everything is topsy turvy lately.

[Lion — This is a two-way street. I’m frustrated because I can’t do things for myself. It’s true that we sometimes get our wires crossed in terms of things to do. The dog has to go to the vet. It isn’t just to get shots. She seems to have an ear infection that needs to be looked at. We both get frustrated.]