Mrs. Lion took the night off on Wednesday. She was very tired and a little out of sorts. That meant I didn’t get my next spanking. I still have four to go (by the time you read this, possibly just three). I hope she’s done with the soap for a while. I really hated that. Of course, she still has the punishment stool. That’s no fun either. There is no question in my mind that Lioness 3.0 has arrived and isn’t going anywhere. As she pointed out on Wednesday, she is no longer affected by my yelping when she spanks me. She knows what she has to do and she has the confidence to do it without worrying about feedback from me.

Normally, in the BDSM scene, the top has to be very aware of physical and verbal feedback from the bottom. Experienced tops expect and appreciate strong verbal response from the bottoms. Since there is always a safeword in place, there is no need to be concerned about any verbal signs of distress.We have safewords in place (“Yellow” for I’m Reaching My Limit, and “Red” for too much!). Mrs. Lion honors those safewords. Nonetheless, hearing me in more distress than she generally gets from spanking me, would have stopped 2.0 in her tracks. 3.0 happily disregards it. She focuses on the task at hand.

The result of this is that I feel a much stronger disciplinary flavor to my spankings. I am genuinely unhappy and strongly wish they would stop. That is how it should be. Lioness 3.0 is also not terribly concerned about breaking a little skin, bruising, or turning parts of my butt to leather. In other words, unless there’s real injury, she goes on about her business until she feels I have been properly spanked.

I’m sure the softer part of her reacts to the “damage” she sees. 3.0 knows that these marks are an expected result of a “good” spanking. I agree. In fact, there’s room for more severe spankings that will do no real harm to me.

In my days as a BDSM top, I would never do sensation play at anything near full volume with a partner I hadn’t played with many times before. Everyone is different. Every bottom has individual limits that have to be explored gradually and safely. The same is true of disciplinary spankings from my lioness. She experiments with different implements and different intensities. It’s taken a very long time for her to work her way up to the current level of spanking that she delivers. She isn’t close to my limit. I’m very sure she isn’t close to her own.

Our policy of serial spankings for offenses gives her a chance to experiment with both tools and my limits. Tuesday’s spanking with our Hanson bloodwood paddle left me with sore spots as well as some leathery skin. Interestingly, she drew no blood. It’s not an alarming thing if I bleed a bit. My skin tends to do that in spots when it’s struck. It will even do it if I scratch an itch. We’ve learned it’s nothing for us to worry about.

This is actually fairly common. In public play parties where I served as a safety monitor, we would provide Band-Aids to tops in order to cover any blood spots. The risk in a public venue is that if a blood spot is hit again, there will be a fine spray of blood. This poses a health risk if they bottom happens to have an infection that can be transmitted that way. When it’s just Mrs. Lion and I at home, she needn’t be that careful. I don’t have any blood-borne diseases and I am the only person who gets the benefit of our paddle collection. I will get some commercial sanitizing wipes so she can keep the toys nice and clean and germ-free.

What’s happening with us is a normal progression when a couple does consistent impact “play”. Calling it play does not minimize what it really is. I only use that word to suggest that the same rules apply to a disciplinary spanking as they do to BDSM play. The single difference of course, is that my disciplinary spankings are designed to go well past the point I would enjoy them in a BDSM context. Mrs. Lion is starting to get to that point. I’m sure she’s a little frustrated it’s taken so long and such hard swats. I can’t help that. It’s not that I’ve had a great deal of experience being spanked. I haven’t. I’ve been a top doing the spanking most of my life. Apparently, I have a pretty good capacity to take punishment.

The fact that it’s taken so long to build up to the point she’s reached, indicates clearly that brutality has nothing whatsoever to do with our corporal punishment. There’s no abuse involved. I have given my consent for everything she is doing and for more. We have discovered that our disciplinary relationship actually changes not only my behavior, but hers as well. She is becoming more outgoing and confident with me. She treats observing infractions as a normal part of her role as my wife. She has absolutely no trouble assigning punishment and carrying it out.

She is much more assertive when dealing with me. This is exactly what I want. Our disciplinary marriage gives her the freedom to let me know anytime I do something she doesn’t like. She has no reason to stuff her feelings and allow them to fester. Interestingly, the fact that she knows I get punished for my infractions seems to have put her in a similar mindset about her own behavior. I earned two days of spankings for forgetting punishment day last Thursday. She announced that she forgot it too and would punish herself by waxing my legs. Later, I spilled food on my shirt, so she canceled the punishment for that and offset that cancellation by canceling her punishment waxing my legs.

I thought that was pretty odd. But it shows that she is holding herself accountable just as she holds me. She may not get punished when she does something she considers wrong, but she acknowledges it in the same way she points out infractions I make. How about that?

I never expect her to get punished for those infractions. It’s more than enough that she acknowledges them and thinks about them in the same context she thinks about mine. If you look at what’s happening from a little distance, you can see that we are becoming far more open in our communication. We acknowledge our faults and apologize or pay for them when they occur. Mrs. Lion verbally acknowledges what’s happened and apologizes. I get punished.

Even if you don’t agree with our disciplinary relationship, you have to be able to see that we have a path that leads to clear consciences and a very positive attitude towards one another. Just because she punishes me, I’m not afraid Mrs. Lion. I’m grateful to her for helping me learn. I don’t know what psychological dynamic we’ve developed, but whatever it is absolutely works for us.

I know that my bottom will be hurting more as my lioness turns up the volume on my spankings. Truthfully, I look forward to that. So far, nothing but good has come from her growth as a disciplinarian. Growth for both of us.

sleepatworkI didn’t get much sleep Tuesday night. We’ve been going to sleep way too late for me to get up for work and not be tired during the day. And Tuesday night, Lion woke me up and decided to have one of his drug-induced conversations with me. [Lion — It wasn’t drug-induced. I think Mrs. Lion was already awake. Since she was, I asked her if something was wrong and we chatted a bit.] Last night he just laughed very loudly watching TV while I was trying to get to sleep. Other than that, I have no idea why I’m so tired today.

While I was making dinner, I started to feel under the weather. Maybe it was the heat. I’m thinking it was more humidity related. And, of course, being tired played a role. We didn’t play because I was too uncomfortable. I’m not sure if Lion was looking for love or not. He’d had an orgasm the night before so he was probably good.

At ten, Lion said, “uh, oh.” I thought he was talking about doggie ice cream, but he didn’t follow it with the usual, “Do you know what time it is?” He realized I didn’t spank him. I told you I wasn’t feeling well. I completely forgot. No bueno! Lion graciously agreed to postpone it till today. What a guy! As if he has a say in the matter. But I can’t believe I completely forgot.

This morning I’m feeling frazzled again. We have a full weekend planned and I’m not sure how I’m going to get everything done. It’s hot. I’m tired. Since I understand I’m frazzled, I’m trying not to let it get to me. Fingers crossed.

I think that a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD), also known as Domestic Discipline, is widely misunderstood. Certainly people who read about what we do usually don’t understand what’s happening. I think that most of the people who want to do these things or are even just starting to do them similarly misunderstand.

Because FLRD is about control and authority, it appears that many of the men who want to experience this believe that once their partners agree to try it, their job is done. All they have to do is accept rules and punishments. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m writing this because I keep getting emails and comments that express disappointment when a wife agrees to a female led relationship, for example, tries it for a few days and then stops. The male partner responds with disappointment and confusion.

FLRD or domestic discipline is hard to build into a relationship. Obviously, the first step is to get a fairly detailed agreement on what will happen. Mrs. Lion knows that spanking is important to me. I don’t know why, but it’s very important that I get spanked. Before we attached the idea of punishment to it, I got infrequent spankings for play.

After I had been in a chastity device for a couple of years, I realized that I would like a broader feeling of being controlled. I would also like to be punished with spankings. I talked to Mrs. Lion about it. She tentatively agreed. This was far from the end of the necessary conversation to get us going. She realized that I needed rules. If she was going to spank me as a punishment, I would have to do something to earn it. She set up a couple of simple rules that I was almost sure to break frequently.

Theoretically, my role was to obey my rules and accept my punishments. As we discovered, that just didn’t work in the beginning. Mrs. Lion “forgot” to notice infractions. When she did notice them, she would sometimes forget to punish me. At that point we could have just said it doesn’t work for us. The truth was that neither of us had acquired the necessary habits to successfully live in a disciplinary relationship.

We decided that we would create “punishment days”. These were days that would serve to remind both of us to catch up on dealing with infractions. It was my job, and still is, to remind her on those days that it’s punishment day. I also shared with her the job of remembering what infractions needed to be punished. This helped a lot. I also took on the responsibility of confessing when I broke a rule. Theoretically, that isn’t in our agreement. But since Mrs. Lion hadn’t acquired the habit of closely observing my behavior yet, I helped her by letting her know when I broke a rule.

I didn’t always remember either. But between us, we managed to catch almost all of my infractions. My punishment day reminders allowed Mrs. Lion to set aside a little time to punish me when I needed it. Because we were both actively supporting our FLRD, we were able to build a framework that allowed it to grow.

My point is that while it may feel strange, even contrary to the whole idea of FLRD, the disciplined male has to take equal responsibility to assure that his disciplining wife not only has all the information needed about infractions he commits, but also is reminded to punish him if she forgets. It takes a while. Eventually, it looks more like you imagined FLRD would look when you asked for it.

Mrs. Lion is very observant and doesn’t need my help spotting infractions. She has expanded her authority from our simple rules to punishing me for disobedience and annoying behavior.

Just like enforced male chastity, a female led relationship isn’t something that magically works when you both decide to do it. In fact, agreeing to begin is the easiest part. I still help Mrs. Lion become more effective at punishing me. A lot of readers poke fun at me for my efforts to make things harder on myself. That’s not what I’m doing. Mrs. Lion is my partner. FLRD is something we agreed to pursue together. She has no experience punishing men. I’m the only one she’s ever punished. It’s my job to help her become as effective as she can be.

That means I let her know what might work better when she spanks me. I must be a good teacher. She is certainly a great student because each spanking is more effective than the one before it. She asked me to select a soap to use for washing out my mouth. I did research and found Irish Spring was particularly hated. I went to the store with her and we bought some. Tuesday night, Mrs. Lion washed my mouth out with Irish Spring for the very first time. It was horrible! It tasted awful and burned just a little bit on my tongue. The flavor remained for ages. In fact, I still had a slight taste of it in my mouth on Wednesday morning even after I brushed my teeth.

Mrs. Lion suggested that we might want to look for something less yucky. That’s up to her, but I’m fine with Irish Spring since it is such an effective tool for her to use. The fact that I helped her by finding it and I help her learn to spank more effectively doesn’t mean I like those things. I’m doing my job to make her the most effective disciplining wife she can be. She and I work together to build good habits that support our disciplinary relationship.

All of this is consensual. I think people misunderstand that the word. Consensual doesn’t just mean that I gave her permission to punish me and to be in charge in our relationship. It also means that I agreed to support her in this and help her become as effective as possible while she uses the techniques I helped her learn to make me a better person.

If you are in the process of starting a FLRD, you may both want to read this. Maybe it will start a conversation that will help you become more successful.