Saturday night, my drought ended. All day long I had delightful horny thoughts. After dinner, before 9 PM, we snuggled and Mrs. Lion’s hand found its way tween my legs. It didn’t take long before I have a delightful orgasm. 15 days had passed since my last one. Of course, for at least a week of that time my spirit was willing, but my medicated body wouldn’t cooperate.
Mrs. Lion has the idea that if I’m unable to perform, and get close enough to be edged, I’m not truly horny. For that reason, she doesn’t count the time when I plateaued as a normal part of waiting. Would that that was true. I was very surprised that I couldn’t get past that frustrating point all those days. I really got more frustrated than I would have had I been able to reach the edge over and over as Mrs. Lion likes. There’s a good deal of truth in the notion that the brain is the true sex organ.
The medications I’ve been taking are new to me and they produce difficult, sometimes-insidious side effects. For example, those glaucoma pills. They didn’t shut off desire but they made it impossible for me to express it. They also made me very tired and I ended up sleeping a good deal of time.
If you think about it, the whole concept of “horny” is an emotional state, not a physical one. Obviously, running around with an erection is a pretty good sign you want sex. But once you pass your 30th birthday, the likelihood that being horny is directly wired to your penis becomes less likely. I know that for me, the penis portion of the program generally needs direct stimulation to get hard. In no way does that mean the rest of me isn’t in serious heat.
Wanting sex and being physically prepared to have it don’t necessarily follow each other. Years of enforced male chastity as taught me that wanting, even desperately craving sex doesn’t mean I get to ejaculate even though Mrs. Lion is masturbating me at the time. Any guy practicing male chastity quickly learns that there is no direct connection between ejaculation and stimulation. There is also no direct connection between being able to ejaculate and desperately needing to. The principle recreational benefit to a keyholder is enjoying the show a truly frustrated male puts on. More subtly, feeling strong desire without the ability to express it is really painful.
That’s what happened to me with those pills. Mrs. Lion had no trouble getting me hard. I could feel the tension building inside me. Then, it wouldn’t build any further. Mrs. Lion soldiered on and I could not produce the arousal she wanted. Here I was fully erect and unable to get even close to coming.
That experience made me think about those other times when Mrs. Lion wasn’t able to either get me hard or get me aroused enough. I realize that those times my body betrayed me. I was ready; boy was I ready! I wasn’t physically demonstrating this to Mrs. Lion. It could be something hormonal. Maybe some essential chemical was being suppressed by the medication. Other times, perhaps worry about work or some other stressor got between my brain and Mrs. Lion’s weenie.
She’s very understanding about times like this; up to a point. She happily accepts that there are times I just don’t “want” sex. She believes it’s because I’m not horny. Therefore, the days I can’t perform shouldn’t be counted toward how long I wait in frustration for my next ejaculation.
There are times that she is right. Many of the times she is misunderstanding. I want sex, just something inside me isn’t cooperating. I don’t believe this is ED, unless the E stands for emotion as well as erection. More often than not, in me this manifests by the ability to get hard and then get stuck south of ejaculation. Does that mean I don’t want to ejaculate? Absolutely not. I want it but somehow I can’t move past a certain level of arousal.
This isn’t unique to me or to male chastity. It happens to a lot of men. If it happens consistently, the solution is for the sexual partner to keep going even if it takes a very long time. In my case, that will work a good portion of the time. It’s frustrating to both of us when this happens.
In most sexual relationships, if the man takes a long time to ejaculate, it’s a good thing. Remaining hard and interested for a lengthy period of time, gives his partner lots of opportunities for orgasms. Premature or early ejaculation, on the other hand, is frustrating because his partner doesn’t have enough time to get off.
In an orgasm denial/control relationship like mine, speedy ejaculation is a very positive attribute. If Mrs. Lion only had to rub a minute or two to get me to the edge, she would expend a great deal less energy. We talked about this a few weeks ago. I got the sense that she was wondering if there wasn’t something I could do to speed me up. I had done a lot of research on the subject. The general medical agreement is that the amount of time it takes a man from erection to ejaculation can’t be changed through training. Mrs. Lion was a little disappointed when I told her.
It’s odd that in a normal intercourse-intensive relationship, my long run up time would be considered an advantage. In our relationship it’s a tiring exercise to get me to the point Mrs. Lion desires. It’s a little funny. In a vanilla relationship, taking 10 to 15 minutes to ejaculate would make my wife a very lucky lady. If I could get off in three minutes or less, Mrs. Lion would be lucky in our relationship. A classic case of sexual irony.
[Mrs. Lion – I vaguely remember our conversation about Lion being faster. I don’t remember being disappointed that he can’t. Edging him takes as long as it takes. There’s no rush.]