Every so often I wring my hands in despair as I read various male chastity blogs. They make everything so black-and-white and difficult. Most disturbing to me are accounts written by “female” bloggers who claim that they lock their husbands in the chastity device and within hours the poor man is giving them 60 minutes of oral sex followed by a top to bottom cleaning of the house. I read an account like that yesterday. Oh boy!
What bothers me is that stories like this are erotically exciting to a lot of guys who fantasize about enforced male chastity. They fixate on how locking their penises up will turn their ordinary lives into an erotic fantasy of tongue exercises and vacuum cleaner dancing. If all that seems like so much fun, why aren’t they doing it now without a chastity device?
The answer is very simple: It isn’t the activities themselves, it’s the feeling of submission because the penis is locked away. I agree. I find it a turn on, locking up my penis that is, not vacuuming.
Most amusing to me are the reasons these “female” bloggers give for making the move to enforced male chastity. Generally, they claim that they are tired of their husbands sneaking off and masturbating. Apparently, it never occurred to them to discuss this as a possible problem. Oh no, that spoils the drama.
Lastly, these “women” go out and purchase a chastity device which they then lock onto their husband’s penis. What’s wrong with this picture? First of all, anyone who wears a chastity device knows that getting it fitted properly requires measurement and experimentation. You just can’t go to the Angry Wives Chastity Store and buy a device that will fit your husband. But wait! If you can’t do that the fantasy fails!
If you will, consider enforced male chastity a male hobby. It’s something that those of us who practice it, asked our partners to do for us. We get turned on by losing control of when we get to ejaculate. A few of us may think we have a masturbation problem and believe that being locked in a chastity device will help cure it. It does deter masturbation. I suppose it could even support rehabilitation.
Before I got locked in the chastity device, I did masturbate two or three times a week. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it and I didn’t believe I had a problem. When I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up, I mentioned that I did jerk off now and then and she was surprised. She had no idea I masturbated. She made it clear that she didn’t like that idea at all. She didn’t want me to masturbate. I pointed out the obvious: I can’t masturbate if I’m locked in the chastity device.
The truth is that I probably would have been tempted to jerk off if she didn’t lock me up. I might have furtively gotten myself off now and then just because it felt good and I really didn’t share her abhorrence of the practice. Bear in mind, at that time we didn’t have a female led relationship in place. There was no defined authority in our marriage.
Four almost 3 years, I was continuously locked in a chastity device with only short reprieves for irritations and medical visits. Actually, that’s pretty much the story for the entire six years we’ve been doing it. The point is that I had severely limited amounts of time when I could have masturbated. I didn’t.
The reason is very simple: I knew that Mrs. Lion teases me to the edge of orgasm every day or two. If I masturbated, I would be much less responsive to her attempts at teasing me. I wouldn’t like that and she would probably notice. The simple fact is that it is more fun to be teased then to jerk off and ejaculate. As Mrs. Lion likes to say, it’s a win-win.
I never would have suspected that edging could be more fun than self abuse. It was a lot more fun. The combination of a male chastity device and very frequent edging, made masturbation an undesirable idea. At some point, I lost any interest in getting myself off. For health reasons, I was left wild for months. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t even tempted no matter how horny I got. Masturbation as a sexual outlet disappeared for me. I don’t miss it a bit.
Cunnilingus and housecleaning never entered the equation. It’s not that I don’t want to give oral sex to Mrs. Lion; I do. She isn’t interested. I don’t want to clean the house.
After all this time, the male chastity device between my legs is just part of me. I don’t get excited about wearing it. I’d miss it if it weren’t there. My sexual behavior remains the same with or without the device. The combination of Mrs. Lion’s very regular sexual teasing and occasional masturbating me to orgasm, is enough to have trained me away from any do-it-yourself sexual release.
Wisely, she has never instructed me to jerk off. I know that some keyholders have their men masturbate. Apparently, they don’t mind that their men retain their interest and ability to get themselves off. Mrs. Lion absolutely forbids me to do that and she’s trained me away from it by never, ever telling me to do it myself. It’s her hand (usually) or nothing.
In our case, I initiated enforced male chastity. Over time, Mrs. Lion took over ownership and made the practice part of the way she controls me. I’m talking about sexual control in this case. It’s always a sort of game for us. Giving or withholding release is never part of the more serious practice of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). Behavioral issues are managed completely separately from sex.
Uh oh, there goes another fantasy. Our “female” bloggers write about using the male chastity device as a tool to withhold sexual pleasure if they are displeased with nonsexual performance of their males. If he does a good job cleaning the bathroom, she might unlock him and tease him. If he misbehaves, he spends time without any stimulation.
You could use sex as a way of training a man to become more obedient. It’s a powerful reward to give a guy an orgasm. Of course, we guys can’t experience orgasms over and over. Most of us need some time for our refractory period. Withholding orgasms as punishment is a bit more problematic. Those of us who want to be locked in a chastity device also enjoy the delicious suffering of being extremely horny. So, not giving an orgasm is also a sort of reward. That’s why sex isn’t particularly useful in developing obedience.
Mrs. Lion uses negative reinforcement — spanking, mouth soaping, and corner time — to assert her authority. It’s true that rewards are very useful as well but so far neither of us can think of anything she could use as a reward. To be a reward, it would have to be something I can’t get on my own that only she can give me. Our relationship is not authoritarian enough to make that particularly easy to do. However, negative reinforcement has proven to be very effective for us.
Okay. I got that rant out of my system. I do hope that you can see why I get so incensed by bloggers continuing to represent fantasies as their own biographical fact.