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In: Communication, Mrs Lion Comments

I’m leaving work today at noonish so I can take Lion to a doctor appointment and then we’ll have a four day weekend. In his email this morning, Lion said he thinks he needs to be spanked. He hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s just been a few days since I’ve whomped his butt. I told him we have four days to take care of his spanking needs. He replied with, “Four days of spanking? Oh my!”

Now, you’ll notice I didn’t say four days of spanking. That’s what Lion heard. Just like last weekend I said I wanted him to take a sleeping pill so he’d be rested for the weekend and he heard we’d be playing during the day on Saturday. Two different things. I think I’ll chalk it up to wishful thinking.

Of course, there was a possibility that we’d play during the day on Saturday. And, I suppose, there’s the possibility that I could spank him four days in a row. It’s just an example of our minds going in completely opposite directions. Lion is more focused on sex. I’m more focused on what needs to get done around the house or on finding some me time.

I do understand that Lion is basically trapped in the house unless I’m around to drive him somewhere. He’s starved for human contact. I’d love to be in his shoes. Even if I did make it out of the house I’d rather not have to deal with people. Again, we’re opposite. The key is to balance his need for contact and my need for solitude. It’s not easy. Lion feels lonely when I’m doing my own thing. I feel guilty that I’m trying to carve out some alone time.

With four days together, I’m sure we can figure out how to get things done around the house, have lots of Lion attention and some lioness solitude. It can be done.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity
cherry keeper basering
It’s my job to thread my balls and penis through the base ring. Mrs. Lion then puts on the cage and locks it. This is the base ring for my Cherry Keeper chastity device in place waiting for the cage.

After all these years (six so far), things have gotten much more casual around the lion’s den. Lately, I’ve been allowed to run around wild most of the time. It seems that I need to remind Mrs. Lion to cage me. This may not just be an accident. Mrs. Lion may have a plan. It’s just that I’m starting to feel that I control whether or not I’m locked up. I’d much rather have my lioness back in control.

When it comes to punishment, Mrs. Lion is right on target. At least almost always on target. I’m not claiming she misses infractions when I commit them. She doesn’t. Sometimes, she puts off punishing me without telling me. I’m pretty sure she has a good reason for postponing things, but I always wonder whether it was because she forgot or because of something else. This is an opportunity for better communication.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being wild. I’m in no danger of giving myself an unauthorized orgasm. If Mrs. Lion chooses to let me run around wild, I want to know it was a decision not an oversight. I suppose the easiest way to do this is for Mrs. Lion to either tell me to put on my base ring or announced to me that she has decided to let me be wild. That way I know it’s her decision and not an oversight.

It’s important to me to know that she thinks about things like locking me in a chastity device, teasing me, or punishing me. The way I know that is if she tells me what is in store for me. I’m not claiming she should tell me when I’m going to have my next orgasm; that should be a surprise.

Speaking of orgasms, Miss Elaine wrote a comment suggesting that Mrs. Lion make me wait 15 to 30 days before my next orgasm. She went on to say that I should be teased often and intensely during that time. She also suggested that Mrs. Lion not tell me when I finally get to ejaculate. She believes that this relatively long period of intense teasing would help improve my responsiveness. Perhaps it could. It’s a reasonable suggestion that Mrs. Lion is absolutely capable of following. I don’t have any particular sense of whether or not that would make a difference. Mrs. Lion is not going to tell me if she’s going to try this. I’ll find out in retrospect.

There are a lot of things to remember when you are a keyholder and disciplining wife. They are things that are not necessarily second nature. When you’re tired after a day of working hard followed by extra chores because your lion is still not able to be as helpful as he was before the surgery, you’re even more likely to skip over “optional” activities.

Ironically on my side, I have less stimulation because there is a great deal less that I’m able to do. Little things, like being told to put on my base ring, become real events in my day. Teasing is a highlight. It’s personal attention and love. Even punishment is positive to me. It shows that even though I’m considerably less useful, I’m still important enough to train.

It’s very easy to feel lonely and isolated in my situation. It’s equally easy for Mrs. Lion to feel harassed and overwhelmed by the necessities brought on by my needs. I try to give her as much room as she wants. I think that’s the least I can do. That also puts distance between us. Little things like being left wild take on more importance to me. Snuggling and teasing are the highlights of my day. I spend most of my time alone. I’m working from the house because I don’t feel safe driving yet. Sitting alone at my desk naked becomes more significant when locked in a chastity device.

I think that we may need to discuss new rules that support the changes we have had to make. It may be just as simple as Mrs. Lion being more declarative in her wishes for me. She may need to be much more proactive in terms of keeping me in a chastity device.; Or, for that matter, consciously leaving me wild.

I’m steadily getting better and can do more and more things around the house. I’m hoping that I can be helpful enough to significantly reduce her burden. In the meantime, I’m deeply grateful to her for standing beside me and helping me. I can’t imagine having a better partner in life.

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In: Communication, Mrs Lion Comments

I didn’t think Lion would be particularly horny last night since he had an orgasm Sunday night. However, I didn’t think he’d snooze most of the evening away. Normally when he snoozes, he seems almost belligerent when I don’t want to snuggle later on. He says there’s no reason to not snuggle or play just because he took a nap. But he also says if we wait too late he can’t perform.

I guess this is one of those times when our communication breaks down. Why would he be upset with me for not wanting to snuggle if it’s late when it was his “fault” for snoozing? I’m not the one who snoozed. I didn’t delay anything. Can’t I have a “sweet spot” too? Maybe I was all set to snuggle but was met with a soft snoring noise. Maybe my snuggle time has passed.

Obviously I don’t really have a time frame for snuggling. We can do it any time. I just have a problem when he snoozes and then makes me feel like I’m wrong for not rushing over to snuggle when, ordinarily, he’d tell me it was too late to do anything. I suppose this is toddler behavior too. And, for that matter, punishable because it’s annoying. But I am reluctant to add a punishment before we’ve discussed things. Consider this the discussion.

Tonight is a busy television night for us. Not that we can’t pause for the purpose of snuggling and/or playing. I don’t have any idea how horny Lion is, but snuggling works in any case. And I suppose it doesn’t matter too much how horny he is if I want to do something to him anyway.

By the way, I found it odd the other night that Lion found having his balls tied up distracting. Usually that gets his motor running. I’m not quite sure what that means in terms of his liking bondage or not, but I thought it was strange. It certainly doesn’t mean he’ll feel that way every time I tie his balls up. It’s not like I’m refusing to do it anymore. It’s just weird. Maybe he’s just more into getting his butt swatted nowadays.

[Lion — I was surprised that having my balls tied was distracting. I’m not sure that this is a trend or change. It could just be the way my body was reacting at the time. I’m not annoyed with Mrs. Lion when I wake up and she feels it’s too late to snuggle. I’m grumpy because I fell asleep at all. It’s not like I plan to take a nap. It seems to just come over me. One minute I’ll be watching TV and chatting, the next I find myself waking up half hour or an hour later. This feels like a piece of time disappeared. I’m happy that Mrs. Lion will take note of behavior that annoys her. I’m sure spankings will be more frequent now that 3.0 is here]

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In: Spanking, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal
heart paddle on lion butt
Spanking me is an expression of Mrs. Lion’s love. She knows that I want and need to be spanked. Because she loves me she learned how to do it.
(Click image to view larger)

We’ve been at this for almost 6 years. Some of our readers have been with us the entire time. Mrs. Lion and I have changed significantly through this part of our lives. We’ve had the opportunity to make endless mistakes and course corrections as we navigated enforced male chastity and our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD).

It’s absolutely normal for us to shape what we do to fit into the way we want to live. As a blogger, I am a little concerned that new readers will expect to be able to apply what they read about our lives now. I’m not claiming that we are very advanced or better than other people doing the same thing. We’re not. In many ways we may be slower to adopt these practices. What you read here is the result of nearly 6 years of learning.

For us, at least, we had to complete many steps to get where we are now. I started thinking about this because we received an email (you can always send us private email simply by clicking contact us at the top of the page) written by a woman whose husband wants her to be his disciplining wife. She expressed concern that she couldn’t spank him with the ferocity he expects. He pointed to our blog is a good source of information. Reading it heightened her anxiety. She couldn’t see herself disciplining her husband the way Mrs. Lion disciplines me.

When I first started this blog I wondered if, as time went by, it wouldn’t turn into something suitable only for people with at least as much experiences as us. That’s the reason I created our static pages. You can find links to these pages in the top header of each page of the blog. My thought was that by supplying basic information, we could help beginners while still journaling our evolution.

Mrs. Lion recently wrote about some spankings she gave me as punishment for forgetting to let her know a Saturday was punishment day. She didn’t consider this a very serious issue. In fact, she made Saturday a punishment day just so I might forget and slip up and earn some spanking. We both agree that regular spankings are good for me.

Anyway, her description of the spankings revealed that she wields her paddle with enthusiasm. Frequently, she’ll draw a little blood. I think that’s just an issue with my skin since she almost never gives me a black and blue mark. When we got the contact email from a novice spanker, I realized that reading our posts  might set up unreasonable expectations on the part of newly disciplined husbands and their wives.

It’s taken almost the entire time we’ve been together — over 15 years — for Mrs. Lion to have evolved into an effective disciplinary spanker. Her progress has been slow and steady. I’ve also made progress. Spanking takes two. It isn’t as simple as baring my butt and presenting it to be beaten. I have to be able to handle the impact. Even if she tied me down, the spanking would still have to be within my limits. So even if Mrs. Lion was a ferocious lioness from day one, I wouldn’t have been able to accept her beatings without considerable practice.

This is a primary example of how disciplinary spankings are misunderstood. I’ve been lucky enough to communicate with several women who are very severe spankers. Every single one started off very much like Mrs. Lion. Each husband had to be prepared over time to manage a strong spanking. Most surprising to me, was that even though the spankings are meant as punishment, the disciplining wives spend time with milder blows to warm up their husbands’ bottoms. Turns out that a disciplinary spanking isn’t very different from a BDSM scene. The biggest difference is that there is a reason for the disciplinary spanking. The BDSM spanking is at the request of the man being spanked.

It’s all about intention, not action. My fantasies were always much more robust than my bottom’s ability to take a strong spanking. Even though I asked Mrs. Lion for strong punishment spankings, I couldn’t handle them. I thought it was necessary for me to be spanked until I produced tears. After all this time I still haven’t cried. I now know that it is completely unnecessary. It’s just another case of the fantasy getting in the way of a terrific reality.

This led me to wonder how I would know if a spanking is effective. I think there are several criteria:

1. Did the punishment correct the behavior that provoked it? That’s not to say that a single spanking will cure a bad habit. It won’t. At the least it will send a strong enough message so that the infraction isn’t repeated too soon. After a while, the behavior may in fact be extinguished. This happened with my two initial rules. They were that I would be punished if I spilled food on my shirt and I would be punished if I began eating before Mrs. Lion. To both of our surprise I stopped spilling on my shirt and I always wait for her to eat first. Yes, occasionally I make a bit of a mess and I get punished for it. But the evidence is clear; consistent spankings changed me.

2. Did the spanker feel she got her message across? A spanking is a form of communication. It’s not just swatting some hapless behind. It’s a way for the spanker to express frustration and displeasure in such a way that she feels she made a point.

3. Did the disciplined husband feel he paid for his crime? Punishment is a form of atonement. The sinner (me) wants to feel that he’s paid for his crime. The pain and humiliation of his punishment atones for the infraction. Obviously, open and transparent communication is required so that the disciplining wife can get feedback to help her understand how her husband benefits from her punishment.

4. Are the spankings frequent enough and strong enough to help fuel his libido (hers too)? This is the secret benefit of spanking and other corporal punishments. Since all of these activities are completely consensual, there is almost certainly a sexual component to spanking and other punishments. The disciplined husband is very unlikely to want to admit that one layer of his desire for spanking is sexual. Obviously it is. Almost all guys are erect before being spanked. His disciplining wife should be aware of this sexual value. The so-called “maintenance” spanking is a way to make sure that he gets his proper dose of stimulation.

It’s obvious that adult spanking, at least in the context of FLRD isn’t simple discipline. To an outside observer it may look like Mrs. Lion is punishing me to correct a behavioral problem. The observer might imagine she’s being excessively strict for a minor offense. This observer might even imagine she’s a sadistic woman who enjoys inflicting pain.

I imagine that a fairly large number of guys who want to be disciplined husbands, want to imagine themselves being punished to correct a problem. They certainly don’t want to think about the sexual and social value that goes along with their paddling. It doesn’t matter. The experience is an important social transaction between loving partners. I am very grateful that Mrs. Lion has worked so hard to perfect her role. I will continue to work hard to perfect mine.

It’s possible for a disciplined husband to live in the fantasy bubble of crime and punishment. His disciplining wife doesn’t have that luxury. She’s controlling a very rich experience that benefits both of them if approached with knowledge, love, sense of humor, and understanding. In our house, behind every red, painful bottom is a happy lion.