Out of Gas

The other night when I was trying, unsuccessfully to that point, to arouse Lion, I stopped and said I thought I was out of gas. Lion said I was nowhere near out of gas. He told me I could use his friend, the Magic Wand, to help things along. I meant that I was out of gas. Tired. Done for. Kaput. But since he was sure I wasn’t, I started again and he did get very close.

I know Lion is aware of the work that goes into being a top. He’s been one in the past. It’s physically draining at times. It can also be mentally draining, especially when it feels like he expects me to play with him. He wants me to initiate things. That’s fine, but do we have to do something every night? I remember the “deal” being that I play with him at least every other night. Most of the time I play with him every night. I understand the sense of urgency about getting things back to normal. I just don’t think there has to be pressure involved.

Here’s how our nights have gone recently, even before the surgery: We eat dinner. I take a shower. We watch a little TV while my hair dries a bit. Lion snoozes. Lion wakes up and wants to know if we’re going to snuggle. We snuggle. Lion wants to know if we’re going to do anything. We do something. Lion says tomorrow we should do something earlier in the evening. When? While my hair dries and he snoozes?

Last night I initiated. We snuggled very briefly. I remembered Lion’s suggestion of just moving over to play rather than preface it with snuggling. What the heck. It’s worth a shot. He seemed to be stuck again so he suggested the Magic Wand. I know we’re both just fumbling for the answers, but the Magic Wand takes a certain amount of energy and sometimes hurts my shoulders. I decided to try some oral ministrations instead. I figured that usually gets him going. It did, but he seemed stuck again. This time my neck was sore and tired. I made it clear I was done. There’s only so much I can do. Lion said it was fine. I should hope so!

I know he needs some play to get him going. At this point, I need a break. I’m not giving up on him. I just need a night of “just” snuggling. Are we going to do anything? Yes. We’re going to snuggle.