Almost everything you read about enforced chastity is written by people who are new to it. This is typical of almost everything you find on the Internet. It’s rare that people will continue blogging or contributing to forums after they have enough experience to make their contributions useful.
I’m not trying to be snide. It’s just that one of the reasons it’s so difficult to get good information, particularly about kinky stuff, is that newbies have a lot of excitement and want to share with the world. Unfortunately, they don’t know anything yet. All they can report is what they read that other newbies have written. There are exceptions.
Our blog is one of them. Mrs. Lion and I have been at enforced male chastity and Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) for years. Of course, there are others. A good way to identify the higher-credibility bloggers is to look at their archives. If you see multiple years listed, that’s a good sign. If they record how many posts they’ve made, and the number is in the hundreds or thousands, that’s an even better site.
The reason I started getting on this rant is that wearing a chastity device isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. I think it’s safe to say that every male who’s worn one continuously for a year or more, has experienced times that he wished he never wanted to put it on.
I’m not talking about sexual frustration. I think most of us would admit we like that. I’m talking about pure annoyance at having to deal with this thing locked around our cocks. In my case, I hate it when my urethra isn’t properly lined up with the opening in the center of the cage. At best, I have to fumble around (I generally use a Q-tip to push the head into the right position) before I can pee. This is particularly annoying in the middle of the night when I am half-asleep and I just want to get back to bed.
Sometimes the cage pinches. I have to subtly adjust it to relieve the pain. As you can see, these are times when the cage is making itself known in unwelcome ways. Most of the time I’m not even aware it’s there.
Newbies, on the other hand, make a big deal out of struggling with the sexual frustration. Unless they’re 16 years old they should be very familiar with self-control. Yes, it’s fun to whine about needing sex. It’s also not a big distraction. In idle moments I may feel horny twinge or two. Or, when I’m reading or writing about something that turns me on, I will feel pressure on my cage as my penis tries to get erect. Big deal.
Essentially, being locked in a chastity device can turn out to be a neutral experience most of the time, and a negative one at those inconvenient moments. Given that, it’s hard not to decide that wearing the device isn’t what it was cracked up to be. Let’s face it, after having this thing locked on me for years and years, the novelty has long worn off. When I have to urinate I think about the cage. Trust me, my thoughts are not positive.
Similarly, Mrs. Lion is very used to seeing me wearing the chastity device. I suspect it feels artificial to her if she makes any mention of it to me. After all, enforced male chastity is normal for us. I think you can see where I’m going.
In the beginning, wearing the chastity device is sexually arousing. Our keyholders like reminding us that we have lost our ability to get off on our own. It’s a great sexual game. At some point, little comments about our caged little weenies get old. Wearing the device is like wearing socks. It’s just something that’s part of our wardrobe. Of course, we can take our socks off.
Recently, Mrs. Lion wrote that she thinks I find wearing the cage as a sort of security blanket. She equated it as a substitute for hand around my penis. I never had a thought like that. In fact, I don’t have a clear idea why I asked her to lock me up again. I think the big reason is that wearing a chastity device has become my normal state. Not wearing it means something is wrong.
It only came off because I needed shoulder surgery. It didn’t go back on in a while because I think Mrs. Lion simply forgot about it. During that time when I was healthy and wild, I had very mixed feelings about asking her to cage me again. My memories of difficult urination and crotch adjustments were vivid. I couldn’t think of a rational reason why I’d want to go back.
That’s when I saw the locking cock ring. I reasoned that it could be the best of both worlds. Here’s something that I can’t remove locked around my genitals. It doesn’t block my penis. So urinating is effortless. Wearing it, gives me the feeling of penis bondage that I like. It really seemed ideal.
In fact, it worked out very well. There was one thing that bothered me: I could get a full erection while wearing it. At the time, I was a bit concerned about that freedom. The ostensible purpose of the chastity device is to prevent me from masturbating. It’s been years since I’ve had any urge to do this. I’m well trained.
Because I’ve spent so many years locked in a chastity device, I’ve learned to treasure erections. I love how it feels when I get hard. I also like the way my penis looks when it’s hard. Unlike some guys who wear chastity devices, I really like my cock.
So, in a way wearing the locking cock ring felt a little bit like cheating. Since it wasn’t necessary to prevent masturbation, to me it felt that its real purpose became keeping me soft, or at least unable to achieve a full erection. So when I switch to the locking cock ring, I got back the ability to get hard anytime I want.
That idea doesn’t seem to bother Mrs. Lion at all. As long as I don’t spend most of the day running around with a boner, she doesn’t see a problem. I guess I don’t either.
In my case, there’s a real question about wearing the chastity device. It feels like it has no current purpose. When we first started, it served as a physical reminder to Mrs. Lion that I needed sexual attention. She knew that she agreed to unlock me at least every other day and play with my penis. During the fairly long time that I was wild, she continued teasing me as diligently as she did when I wore the cage.
I suppose it would be a good idea for us to examine the pros and cons of keeping me in a chastity device. I still like the idea; that’s a big “pro”. I’m regularly inconvenienced when using the toilet; that would be my big “con”. I’m pretty sure that if I were alone, I wouldn’t wear a device. A lot of its appeal is the fact that it is physical evidence that Mrs. Lion owns my penis. That’s another big “pro”.
The deciding vote though belongs to my lioness. For me at least, enforced male chastity is a two-person game. If I feel that I’m the only one playing, I’m not all that interested in it. Yes, I like trying out new hardware; and yes, I like the idea of penis bondage. But that’s not enough to keep me locked up full-time.
This problem only comes up after years of enforced male chastity. The newbie bloggers don’t have a clue what the future may hold. Mrs. Lion and I need to figure out what value the hardware has for us. In my mind her engagement with it is the deciding factor about whether or not I want to be locked up.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I don’t have a choice and it doesn’t matter whether or not I want to wear it. Well, if that’s true, it means that Mrs. Lion is engaged with my wearing a chastity device. If she’s indifferent to whether or not I’m locked up, she’s not engaged and I do have a choice.
Some guys figured out that they could feel this engagement if they asked their keyholders to make them wait longer and longer times between orgasms. That way, they could express their frustration and get back the expected, “Too bad sweetie.”
I don’t really think the objective was to see how long they could wait. I think it’s more likely that the long waits offer opportunities for chastity interaction. Mrs. Lion and I are comfortable with much shorter waits. My average over the last three years is about six days. That translates to two or three days of teasing and edging, followed by a nice orgasm. We do this whether or not I’m locked in a cage.
Keeping me in a chastity device is extra work for Mrs. Lion. She has to go to the safe and fetch the key, actually security screwdriver, and then unlock me. I remove the base ring and then the fun begins. When she’s done, I replaced the base ring and she locks the cage on. She then goes and puts the key back into her safe.
If I’m wild, all she has to do is snuggle up and tease me. It’s a lot easier for her. Essentially, the trade-off has to be sufficiently important to warrant the extra work on her part and the inconvenience on mine. I don’t think we have discovered that trade-off.
One possibility that Mrs. Lion mentioned was to use the cage as part of punishment. Her thought was that for some offenses she would “sentence” me to a week or two in the cage without it coming off. I would hate that. I think she would hate it too. Maybe there is a less extreme opportunity to utilize my lockup. I have no idea what that might be. What do you think?
The old veterans sometimes get tired of listening to the newbs. It’s nice to see the excitement, but sometimes you just don’t have the energy to explain the realities to them.
One of the reasons I’ve spent so much time modifying my devices is that I want them to be comfortable and convenient. Mrs Edge only wants to engage on the “after you’re locked up” side; she doesn’t have a lot of patience with the unlocking for this or that.
And for me, I guess the novelty has worn off, but because what I’m wearing is abotu as comfortable and convenient as I think I’ll ever get, I’m willing to put up with, and even enjoy, the occasional little snags, in part, because there are so few of them.
Like you, I’ve been working steadily to find the most comfortable fit possible. I thought I had discovered Nirvana with the 1 inch Jail Bird. I am now wearing the Holy Trainer Nub. Believe it or not, it may turn out to be even better. Mrs. Lion, like your wife, isn’t all that interested in what hardware I wear. She is interested in keeping me locked and participates in removing an putting back on my chastity device. As she wrote in her post yesterday, she may not be sharing her true feelings about enforced chastity. I really want to find out what works for her.
The ideal chastity experience involves not only the ideal device but also the ideal Key-holder. My modified My-Steel belt is pretty much ideal even though it does have similar snags to the ones you list but my Key-holder has lost the love she used to have for keeping me locked up.
For me, the ideal Key-holder isn’t just someone who’s willing to hold your keys, it’s someone who wants to hold your keys and gets a thrill out of knowing you’re locked up and teasing you about your situation so you’ll give her all the sex she wants, exactly the way she wants it.
Paulette, well said. Mi Amor and I think of my cage as my gift to her. Funny, we have never worn wedding rings in 18 yearscof marriage. But we love the bond the cage brings to us. We write a blog too. Maybe a male chastity/flr/dd network starting?
My Queen is similar in some respects to Mrs.Lion. I am caged all week with minimal teasing but then her rules require me to be uncaged on the weekends (at least most weekends). This is so she can access Angus whenever she likes without having to go get the key, unlock me and remove the cage! These processes are detrimental to spontaneity and that really irks my Queen. In that regard she is a little like Mrs. Lion. Strangely enough on the weekends she decides I should be caged I am really excited.
It’s probably the novelty of being put back in your chastity device on days you are usually free. I am a little different than most. Mrs. Lion is the one who actually puts the cage on and takes it off. I never handle the key.