Heart paddle on lion buttYesterday I said I wanted a paddle that would make an impression on Lion. Yikes! Did I find one. I decided to try the paddle with the heart-shaped cutouts. The hearts have seriously sharp points. And they did some serious damage.

I probably should have started off slower, but I was trying to make a point. No pun intended. I gave Lion fifteen relatively hard swats on his right cheek and immediately struck blood. I went a little easier on the left cheek but still made him bleed. He was hurt but he said if I put a bandage on I could continue. I used the spoon paddle after that.

He was still feeling the effects of the previous night’s punishment so I didn’t have to spank him much before he was yowling. I thought he’d learned his lesson so I stopped. I told him we were done and asked him how he was doing. I try to give him the opportunity to thank me before I tack on extra swats. He said he was fine. I mentioned I still had the paddles in my hand and I could give him more swats if he needed them. That did the trick. He remembered to thank me.

In case you’re wondering, Lion’s hide is just fine. Between the spanking and Lion moving around, the bandages fell off and he wasn’t bleeding anymore. The only pain he felt was the spanking. I think we’ll either need to file down those points on the heart paddle or it can just be for show. It’s really too mean to be useful. I know I hit fairly hard but if it makes him bleed after a few swats it’s no good. Even if I didn’t care that he was bleeding, having blood splatter everywhere with each swat makes too much of a mess. It did make some cute little heart-shaped marks though.

We got a comment yesterday about how challenging it is to convince a partner to institute punishment. Essentially, the writer implied that Mrs. Lion was disposed to agree with my request for punishment. He, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. I don’t think it’s as simple as that. There’s a lot of history behind our current Female Led Relationship with Discipline.

I’ve always had a fascination with spanking. Long before I met Mrs. Lion I played with spanking both as a spanker and victim. Shortly after we met, I let Mrs. Lion know of this interest and asked if she would spank me. She reluctantly agreed to give it a try. It wasn’t something she gave any thought to before meeting me. But, being a good sport, she gave it a go.

Her first shot was so mild that I could barely feel her hand on my behind. It took a long time and a lot of encouragement before her spankings could draw a yelp from me. Mind you, these were play spankings. They had no other purpose than to satisfy my kink.

There are a lot of people out there who never go beyond play spanking. Some of the Web’s most accomplished spankers do it strictly as part of BDSM play. I’ve never seen any correlation between people whose childhoods featured spanking discipline and adults who did it for fun. The point is that there’s no real context for adult spanking outside of the BDSM playroom. Let’s face it, adult spanking is principally a sexual practice. It’s exciting for one or both of the participants.

When a guy decides he would like to propose FLRD to his partner, he’s talking about using spanking as a way to punish misbehavior. He may be thinking that it would be really sexy for his dominating wife to paddle his bottom, but is almost certainly not explaining things that way to her. Most likely, he’s proposing painful spanking as a way to assure he fully bends to her will.

If she happens to come from a family that practices disciplinary spanking, she may understand where he’s coming from. Let me correct that. He’s telling her he wants the same disciplinary environment she knew as a child. I am pretty sure there’s a lot more behind his request then wanting to become better behaved. He almost certainly is aroused by the idea of having his bottom paddled by his strict, disciplining wife.

If you take this request at face value, his wife faces some serious questions. Is he asking her to treat him like a child? Does she really want to become a strict mommy? I’m pretty sure the context of her thoughts centers around discipline as she knew it as a child. On the other hand if she had no childhood disciplinary experience, the subject will seem very alien and most likely a bit distasteful.

In our case, spanking was a well-established sexual activity. Mrs. Lion understands that it really turns me on to think about being spanked. We both learned the turn on quickly disappears as the color of my bottom becomes pink and then red. However, soon after the spanking is done it’s attraction to me becomes quite obvious. During times when I’m not particularly interested in sex, my libido can be revived by a good paddling.

Mrs. Lion understood that I’m turned on by feeling her control. So when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device it didn’t come as a big shock. She had some context behind that request. Over time, as our enforced chastity matured, I began writing about expanding her control. Sometime after I wrote about this, I asked her if she would take the role of my disciplining wife.

In fairness, I didn’t specify that I expected to be spanked if I broke a rule. I had written about a variety of punishments I had read about. A big one, of course, was spanking. That appears to be the most popular form of adult punishment. In any case, Mrs. Lion decided to use her paddle to enforce my obedience.

We both wrestled with what constitutes a disciplinary spanking. We have a decade of play spankings behind us. We both realized that punishment shouldn’t be the erotic fun I get from her BDSM spankings. We went through a lot of different possibilities. She tried hitting me very hard right from the start. I couldn’t stand more than a dozen swats like that. Then, she tried a variant of our play spanking. She started out with milder swats and built up to hard ones.

This worked much better. But, the intensity never built up to a disciplinary level. I’m not saying that those spankings didn’t hurt. They did. But, we both felt that punishment should be more memorable. We tried adding “punishment desserts” like mouth-soaping, standing in the corner, and sitting on our most-uncomfortable punishment stool. Mrs. Lion didn’t consistently add desserts to her punishments. When she did, they were certainly most effective in sending the right message.

Still, based on what I could glean from Internet reading, I was getting off pretty easy. That’s when Mrs. Lion decided to start her experiments. The idea was to provide discipline-level spankings under various conditions with the purpose of training me to stay in position for a full-fledged disciplinary spanking.

We discovered that if the swats were delivered in bursts as opposed to a continuous barrage, I had a much easier time accepting the beating. The idea was that we would do this “experiment” every Wednesday and over time, the bursts would include more and more swats. They would also increase in severity at the same time.

This wasn’t just a learning experience for me. Mrs. Lion has been learning where to place the blows, how to cluster them in an area, and how to ramp up severity as the spanking goes on. She decided that each experiment would consist of 300 swats. That’s quite a lot. Every experiment ends with my bottom being red, bruised, and sometimes with a few spots of blood. I feel the result for a day or two afterward.

My point is that we didn’t get where we are now simply by my asking Mrs. Lion to beat me for punishment. It’s taken years to get to this point. We both have to step out of our roles and work together to build our FLRD. There are women out there who might be willing to engage in corporal punishment of their husbands. I suspect the vast majority aren’t without a lot of learning.

I’m pretty sure that if I proposed our disciplinary relationship to Mrs. Lion before we had a well-established play spanking routine, it would’ve been unlikely that she would agree to do it. As it was, transferring spanking from erotic play to real punishment was a difficult transition for her. I’m eternally grateful she is willing to stretch her limits to accommodate my needs.

If you’re interested in a disciplinary relationship, you may want to consider the long lead up to it we had. You also may discover that play spanking is all you really need. My message is to remember you need to start from the beginning.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to concentrate swats on a few areas of Lion’s butt. Months ago, when he invested in more paddles, he bought one that’s basically a stick with a handle. It’s about two inches wide and maybe eighteen to twenty-four inches long. Up until yesterday I thought it was too long to be of much use. I guess you never know till you try.

I still think it has limited uses. It certainly can concentrate hits in a small area. It can even span across both Lion’s cheeks. But it’s somewhat awkward wielding something that long. I wonder, but not to the extent that I want Lion to buy it, if it comes in a shorter length. I have, in the past, turned a wooden spoon around and swatted with the handle end when I wanted to target a narrow area. I should be able to do that with other paddles too.

Naturally, the longer the implement, the greater the force it exerts. I didn’t have to exert much energy to deliver a mean swat. I gave him somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 love taps. He was very red but only just beginning to bruise. I could have continued to make sure there was bruising but I didn’t. It’s just as well because after his punishment, and a stint on the punishment stool, Lion forgot to thank me. We’ll have to do the whole thing all over again tonight. More practice for me. More pain for him.

I think he might have gotten the message that interrupting is a bad idea. Now he just needs to remember to thank me for my hard work. No matter which paddle I decide to use tonight, I’m fairly sure he’ll remember. Maybe I’ll do a quick review of all the paddles I have to decide which one will make the best impression. (Click here to see a gallery of my paddles)

In a lot of men’s minds, including mine, there is a sort of maternal connection between a submissive male and his disciplining mate. After all, being punished and rewarded are childlike activities. There’s no getting around it. I get soundly spanked when I displease Mrs. Lion. This isn’t open to discussion and I don’t get a vote on whether or not I will be punished. I’ve surrendered that power. When it’s time, I’m told to lie face down on the bed and Mrs. Lion painfully reminds me how I displeased her.

That’s certainly seems to put me in the position of a naughty child. I don’t think that’s true. It’s just that I don’t have any other context to understand being required to accept a painful spanking for doing something that upsets my wife. In our society, children are punished ,not spouses; certainly not male spouses. So, I’m conditioned to believe that I’m returning to being a child because I have to follow rules and accept punishment if I break them.

I don’t mind that. I don’t have any childhood experience swith being punished. I really like my new role and I’m turned on knowing that I’m subject to Mrs. Lion’s discipline. Over the last few years, she’s become a very effective disciplinarian. If she doesn’t exactly like the role, she’s found value in it. She knows it does something good for me.

In practice, we’ve worked it out pretty well. Mrs. Lion is a dispassionate disciplinarian. She doesn’t spank me when she is angry. She waits until she’s cooled off and I am available for punishment. At my request, she’ll delay my beating if I don’t feel up to accepting it. I know that it won’t go away. I’m going to get paddled for my infraction. All I can do is put it off for a day or so.

FLR is well established in our home. It doesn’t resemble the classic fantasy femdom model. She and I are partners and we both make decisions. However, she’s in charge. She doesn’t take punishing me very seriously. She treats it like something she has to do. Being a very smart lioness, she learns quickly.

Lion's spanked ass after punishment
Here I am after my punishment last night. Mrs. Lion gave my inner thighs and crack extra attention. I had to spend time on my punishment stool when she finished. You can see the dents it left.
(Click image to view larger)

One of the things that I think challenges her the most is being able to dispassionately administer a severe spanking. There’s no question that she can give me a memorable beating. You’ve seen the evidence in the pictures we’ve published. The issue is that she seems to need my agreement to bruise my bottom. I am generally able to stop the proceedings if I get near my limit. Since this is a disciplinary spanking, it’s supposed to be a distressing experience for me.

In my mind I expect her to administer the level of punishment she feels I need. As I’ve written before, repeat offenses indicate that she didn’t send a strong enough message the last time I was punished for the offense. I suggested that the second punishment for the same thing should be far more memorable. I know she loves me. I also know she doesn’t really want to hurt me. She understands my need for this and on some level equates this need with giving me some control over what happens.

I don’t want control over this process. While I’m being beaten, I do. But in my heart of hearts I absolutely don’t. I recognize how difficult this must be for her. It’s taken a long time for us to get where we are now. I think our spanking experiment has moved us forward. Unlike punishments, the experiment has fixed parameters. I’m to get 300 swats in groups. Currently, each group has 15 swats. The objective is for me to learn to hold still for any amount of spanking she chooses to deliver. 300 hits with a heavy paddle does quite a bit of damage. It’s what I want.

When it comes to punishment, there is no agreement as to how many swats I’ll get or how big each group of swats will be. It’s purely up to Mrs. Lion. I think that’s where the problem is. When it’s up to her I think she worries about doing too much. Apparently, it’s hard for her to give me the 300 swats she’s happy to administer for our experiment. I was hoping that the 300 would be the baseline. She knows I can take them and that the punishment would be a good opportunity to go further.

In a way it’s difficult for me to write this. I know just how unhappy I will be if she takes my advice. I’m offering it not because I have a masochistic death wish. It’s just that I want her to make me feel her control. We both know I absolutely hate the beating while she’s administering it. It’s no surprise I will object, yelp, even try to roll away. I’m being trained not to roll away, but I am not being trained to like it.

I think that may be the big issue. She knows what I want. But, she also sees my distress when she gives it to me. The distress is real. I’m very unhappy. It hurts! Of course, it’s supposed to. The challenge for her is to be as dispassionate about punishing me as she is about our spanking experiment.

I admit it, I’m aroused thinking about this. Apparently, a lot of guys react this way. I also know just how unhappy I will be as my spanking progresses. I’ve managed to rationalize this because after the punishment is over, I’m glad I received it. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, has no such post-punishment good feelings. I think she’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t worry about me not loving her anymore. But, aside from me thanking her, there’s nothing for her to look back on in a positive way.

How do you deal with causing your mate distress, even though he asked for it, without feeling badly yourself? In order for the spanking to be effective, it has to be severe enough to make me genuinely hate the experience. That means I’m going to be no help at all if she asks for feedback while she’s beating me.

The bottom line is that punishing is something you learn how to do. You may intellectually understand why you do it, but emotionally it tends to be a most unsatisfying experience. I suppose one way to think about this is to consider the punishment to be a strong deterrent. If it’s effectively administered, I’m much less likely to repeat my offense. If I don’t repeat my offense, another spanking won’t be necessary. That’s an incentive to make each punishment as unpleasant as possible. After all, I control whether or not I get beaten. The more I want to avoid it, the less likely  it will be that Mrs. Lion will have to spank me.

In a real way, spanking me is a way of expressing disappointment. It’s an incentive, albeit a negative one, to clean up my act. It’s part of the process I asked for. We are making progress. I’ve corrected some of the things that used to earn me frequent spankings. I still have a way to go. We’ve established that punishments work in our marriage. I’m still responsible for my behavior. Mrs. Lion’s role is to reinforce my resolve to do as she wishes. The tool she has chosen to use is difficult for her. However, she’s done a wonderful job making me regret my wrongdoing.

She’s a remarkable person. I’ve asked her to do something alien and unpleasant. She’s persevered for years as she’s gradually raised the bar. I’m incredibly lucky. While it would be amazingly difficult for me to say it at the time, I am grateful she punishes me. Our FLR has improved our communication. In her role as my disciplining wife, Mrs. Lion has made me more secure and happier. Thank you, my dear lioness.