We got a comment yesterday about how challenging it is to convince a partner to institute punishment. Essentially, the writer implied that Mrs. Lion was disposed to agree with my request for punishment. He, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. I don’t think it’s as simple as that. There’s a lot of history behind our current Female Led Relationship with Discipline.
I’ve always had a fascination with spanking. Long before I met Mrs. Lion I played with spanking both as a spanker and victim. Shortly after we met, I let Mrs. Lion know of this interest and asked if she would spank me. She reluctantly agreed to give it a try. It wasn’t something she gave any thought to before meeting me. But, being a good sport, she gave it a go.
Her first shot was so mild that I could barely feel her hand on my behind. It took a long time and a lot of encouragement before her spankings could draw a yelp from me. Mind you, these were play spankings. They had no other purpose than to satisfy my kink.
There are a lot of people out there who never go beyond play spanking. Some of the Web’s most accomplished spankers do it strictly as part of BDSM play. I’ve never seen any correlation between people whose childhoods featured spanking discipline and adults who did it for fun. The point is that there’s no real context for adult spanking outside of the BDSM playroom. Let’s face it, adult spanking is principally a sexual practice. It’s exciting for one or both of the participants.
When a guy decides he would like to propose FLRD to his partner, he’s talking about using spanking as a way to punish misbehavior. He may be thinking that it would be really sexy for his dominating wife to paddle his bottom, but is almost certainly not explaining things that way to her. Most likely, he’s proposing painful spanking as a way to assure he fully bends to her will.
If she happens to come from a family that practices disciplinary spanking, she may understand where he’s coming from. Let me correct that. He’s telling her he wants the same disciplinary environment she knew as a child. I am pretty sure there’s a lot more behind his request then wanting to become better behaved. He almost certainly is aroused by the idea of having his bottom paddled by his strict, disciplining wife.
If you take this request at face value, his wife faces some serious questions. Is he asking her to treat him like a child? Does she really want to become a strict mommy? I’m pretty sure the context of her thoughts centers around discipline as she knew it as a child. On the other hand if she had no childhood disciplinary experience, the subject will seem very alien and most likely a bit distasteful.
In our case, spanking was a well-established sexual activity. Mrs. Lion understands that it really turns me on to think about being spanked. We both learned the turn on quickly disappears as the color of my bottom becomes pink and then red. However, soon after the spanking is done it’s attraction to me becomes quite obvious. During times when I’m not particularly interested in sex, my libido can be revived by a good paddling.
Mrs. Lion understood that I’m turned on by feeling her control. So when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device it didn’t come as a big shock. She had some context behind that request. Over time, as our enforced chastity matured, I began writing about expanding her control. Sometime after I wrote about this, I asked her if she would take the role of my disciplining wife.
In fairness, I didn’t specify that I expected to be spanked if I broke a rule. I had written about a variety of punishments I had read about. A big one, of course, was spanking. That appears to be the most popular form of adult punishment. In any case, Mrs. Lion decided to use her paddle to enforce my obedience.
We both wrestled with what constitutes a disciplinary spanking. We have a decade of play spankings behind us. We both realized that punishment shouldn’t be the erotic fun I get from her BDSM spankings. We went through a lot of different possibilities. She tried hitting me very hard right from the start. I couldn’t stand more than a dozen swats like that. Then, she tried a variant of our play spanking. She started out with milder swats and built up to hard ones.
This worked much better. But, the intensity never built up to a disciplinary level. I’m not saying that those spankings didn’t hurt. They did. But, we both felt that punishment should be more memorable. We tried adding “punishment desserts” like mouth-soaping, standing in the corner, and sitting on our most-uncomfortable punishment stool. Mrs. Lion didn’t consistently add desserts to her punishments. When she did, they were certainly most effective in sending the right message.
Still, based on what I could glean from Internet reading, I was getting off pretty easy. That’s when Mrs. Lion decided to start her experiments. The idea was to provide discipline-level spankings under various conditions with the purpose of training me to stay in position for a full-fledged disciplinary spanking.
We discovered that if the swats were delivered in bursts as opposed to a continuous barrage, I had a much easier time accepting the beating. The idea was that we would do this “experiment” every Wednesday and over time, the bursts would include more and more swats. They would also increase in severity at the same time.
This wasn’t just a learning experience for me. Mrs. Lion has been learning where to place the blows, how to cluster them in an area, and how to ramp up severity as the spanking goes on. She decided that each experiment would consist of 300 swats. That’s quite a lot. Every experiment ends with my bottom being red, bruised, and sometimes with a few spots of blood. I feel the result for a day or two afterward.
My point is that we didn’t get where we are now simply by my asking Mrs. Lion to beat me for punishment. It’s taken years to get to this point. We both have to step out of our roles and work together to build our FLRD. There are women out there who might be willing to engage in corporal punishment of their husbands. I suspect the vast majority aren’t without a lot of learning.
I’m pretty sure that if I proposed our disciplinary relationship to Mrs. Lion before we had a well-established play spanking routine, it would’ve been unlikely that she would agree to do it. As it was, transferring spanking from erotic play to real punishment was a difficult transition for her. I’m eternally grateful she is willing to stretch her limits to accommodate my needs.
If you’re interested in a disciplinary relationship, you may want to consider the long lead up to it we had. You also may discover that play spanking is all you really need. My message is to remember you need to start from the beginning.