Enforced Male Chastity: Getting Started

jail bird chastity device
Is this a necessary part of enforced male chastity? You may be surprised at the answer.
(Click image to see me in it)

Like most things in life, enforced male chastity isn’t as simple as it seems. It may appear that all you have to do is purchase a chastity device, lock it on a penis, and let the poor guy spend days, weeks, months unable to use his penis for anything except peeing. actually, this doesn’t even fit the definition of chastity. According to Merriam-Webster, chastity is the state of refraining from extramarital intercourse. There is no mention of physical containment of the genitals. There is also no mention of physical devices designed to prevent access to the sex organs.

When Mrs,  Lion and I started our enforced male chastity adventure, I laid out the ground rules as I understood them: I was to wear a locking chastity device over my penis that would prevent me from stimulating myself. Mrs. Lion would frequently unlock me and tease me without letting me ejaculate. When she wanted, she would give me an orgasm. She agreed.

I mentioned some other things I had read that included allowing me to express my need for sex by pleasing her. She correctly told me that this idea made no sense. Wouldn’t I give her all the sex she wants even if not locked up? Absolutely! Similarly, why would I do housework because my penis was in a chastity device?

Like a lot of guys, I was confusing enforced chastity with BDSM submission. They aren’t the same thing at all. Enforced male chastity is about one thing: sexual control. I asked Mrs. Lion to take complete charge of my sexual gratification. There was no implied contract that included giving her extra orgasms, cleaning the toilets, or painting her toenails. Our agreement was about the use of my penis for sexual purposes.

It took quite a while for this to get this through my head. I had read endless logs and forum posts about all the extras that were supposed to be part of the enforced male chastity lifestyle. As it turned out, all this stuff was noise masking the purity of the male chastity experience.

Even wearing a chastity device interfered with this process. Okay, I like being locked in my cage. I do have a bondage fetish. Tie me up and I’m turned on. So wearing a locked cage on my penis, was a 24/7 bondage experience. After a while, four years in my case, the cage became more of an inconvenience than a turn on. During those years, I learned not to masturbate. Mrs. lion was truly the sole custodian of my sexual pleasure. I am a chaste male.

I’m not saying that we don’t do other things. We adopted a female lead relationship with discipline (F L R D). In that context I must obey Mrs. lion and I get punished if I break a rule. We’ve both written quite a bit about this. But, make no mistake, that stuff has nothing at all to do with my male chastity.

If I had insisted in the beginning, that locking me up also included the other activities commonly associated with enforced male chastity, we probably wouldn’t have succeeded. I think that the formula for success is quite simple. It’s challenging to perform, but easy to explain.

Here’s my suggestion: if you want to begin enforced chastity, start with the very basics. Ask your partner if she will take sexual control. This will probably need some explanation. She may think you’re asking her to initiate sex. Make it clear that’s not what you’re saying. Explain that you want her to be the sole owner of your ability to ejaculate. You would like her to lock you into a chastity device. This is the time you may want to show her what you’ve purchased or give her some references on the web to understand what you’re talking about.

Next, let her know what your expectations are in terms of sexual release. I strongly suggest that you be very realistic. Way too many guys imagine spending months locked in their cage with no sexual stimulation. That may be a hot fantasy but it is a really miserable way to live. Instead, suggest that she keep you locked up for a few days. She can decide how many. Then, ask her to give you release. She can masturbate you, give you oral sex, or let you mount her.

Suggest that after a few weeks you sit down and discuss how things are going. If she expresses concern that her sexual needs won’t be met, you can let her know that your mouth and fingers are always available to her. That’s it. Simple, and easy to follow. This isn’t necessarily the way it’s going to be forever. It’s a starting point. Like anything else that’s worthwhile, it takes time and effort to make it work.

I suggest you follow this very simple routine for a full month before adding any refinements. In fact, I suggest that you try not even think about other things that can be attached to your enforced male chastity. Focus on the deceptively simple concept of basic sexual control. Trust me, the rest will follow.


  1. I’m glad you made the point that enforced chastity and BDSM are completely separate “kinks”, although enforced chastity is of course one very specific form of submission. For me (and I realize that I’m very much in the minority here), it’s really the only form that turns me on. In every other way, I’m a fairly typical top, enjoying tieing up my partner, teasing her, coaxing various response out of her with impact and other toys, and fucking her while she’s in bondage (if I’m unlocked at the time, of course).

    She prefers this dynamic in our relationship, too. When I first brought up chastity play, she was quite concerned that this would drastically impact our established norms, and therefore our relationship. Clearly this hasn’t happened, and after quite some time (seven or eight years, now), it’s now just another comfortable part of “us”. It certainly wasn’t overnight, though…

    1. Author

      Thanks for your insights, Mark. It took us years to integrate enforced chastity in our lives. At this point, it would be a relationship problem if we stopped. I spent most of my life as a top. I now like bottoming. Neither of us consider me submissive. I’m not and never will be. My main point is that enforced chastity is very simple. Complicating it just makes it harder to sell to your partner.

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