Which is more difficult: getting spanked or giving a spanking? Chances are you think it is much harder to be spanked. After all, it doesn’t hurt the spanker, but leaves the spankee with a sore bottom. Even in a BDSM scene I don’t think that’s true. In a FLR with discipline, a sore bottom is by far the least difficult part of the activity.
Almost everything I read, and write for that matter, is about what a submissive wants and needs. I write a lot about how to provide the dominant services we troublesome, submissive males want and need. I am happy to help keyholders and disciplining wives with useful techniques in male control. But what about the unmentioned challenges she has to face.
Mrs. Lion has worked very hard to be the disciplining wife I asked her to become. It’s taken years for her to make the changes our lifestyle requires. These changes are very big. One of the biggest is the aforementioned spanking. Mrs. Lion has been spanking me for over a decade. Until our FLR, they have all been “play” spankings.
The first time she tried spanking me, I could barely feel her hand on my butt. I’m not exaggerating; it was that soft. Over time, her play spankings became more intense. She produced some nice marks once she learned it was OK to hit me enough to hurt. When we agreed to start disciplinary spanking, things were different.
The actual act of spanking me wasn’t that difficult. But the underlying reason for it was a sea change. You don’t just shake hands and agree to take control of your life partner. I thought my approach was going to be easy for her. The arrangement was that if I break a rule, she punishes me. The rules are simple and infractions obvious. I reasoned that there was no deep emotional issue under this training-wheel version of FLR with discipline. Spill food on my shirt: spanking. Eat before my lioness: spanking. Easy peasy.
We both figured that the most difficult part of this arrangement would be Mrs. Lion remembering to spot infractions and then punish me. In the very beginning that was true. These were essentially play spankings using rules to trigger the play. I imagine that a lot of people practice exactly this way.
Maybe it was the consistent, long-term continuation of our offense/punishment pattern; I don’t know. But things have changed, For one thing, Mrs. Lion has become very consistent. If I eat first, Mrs. Lion gives me a significant look. I know that I will be punished. When convenient for her, she gets a paddle and punishes me. There is usually very little delay between offense and punishment. It doesn’t matter if I am in no mood for a spanking. I get one anyway. There is no sex associated with the punishment.
This is a very big deal. Mrs. Lion now accepts her role. I don’t think she is fully comfortable with it. She still doesn’t punish me for interrupting her. When she does that on a consistent basis, I will know that she’s willing to be as consistent with offenses that actually matter to her as she is with things like spilling food on my shirt. This is not easy for her.
It’s one thing to punish breaking rules that don’t really affect her. It’s another to punish me for not showing respect when I interrupt her. She is punishing me for offending her. That requires her to internalize her absolute right to hold me to any standard she wishes. There is no “play” aspect. It’s all about requiring me to respect her. It isn’t that I’m disrespectful. I’m not. But I do make mistakes that need correction.
Being a disciplining wife is much more difficult than just using a paddle or locking a chastity device. It requires having the positive self image that fuels punishing lack of respect or disobedience. In my opinion, the main difference between BDSM play that includes punishing rule breaking and a true FLR with discipline is the willingness to punish offenses that have emotional value to the disciplining wife. Mrs. Lion is well on her way to reaching that goal.