Debunking The “Guides”

Like most guys interested in enforced chastity, FLR, and domestic discipline, I’ve greedily consumed any reading material I can find that claims to offer advice on how to do it. A good many appear to be written by dominant women. Some have a ring of authenticity that’s hard to dispute. Now that Mrs. Lion and I have been practicing this stuff for a few years, I decided to reread the material I considered the best. My opinion has changed.

Take, for example, A Married Woman’s Guide. This site has the URL “Toy4her”. Hmm. Anyway, it contains a series of long essays claiming to be written by a dominant woman named Vivian. Of course, almost all readers are men.

Anyway, I liked what I read. It conformed to my fantasies about being in a domestic discipline relationship. I even asked Mrs. Lion to read some. She did and wasn’t impressed. Recently, a comment from Anon recommended this guide. I went back and reread it. Yup, it’s as hot as ever. But it bears no resemblance to my FLR with discipline relationship.

There’s a good reason for this. If you read this stuff from the woman’s perspective, it demands behavior that few, if any wives would display. But, it’s exactly what I wanted. At least, it’s what I thought I wanted. For a while, Mrs. Lion tried spanking me the way the guide said she should. It was a miserable failure. Still, I was turned on by the explanations of my motivation and acceptance of female authority in that guide.

Then, I discovered and read Strict Julie Spanks, a blog that is truly female-written and makes no pretense of educating other women. Her spanking technique was nothing like the stuff in the Married Women’s Guide or, for that matter, The Disciplinary Wives Club site. I told Mrs. Lion about Julie’s spanking technique and about other things she does to her husband. Mrs. Lion tried them and they work!

I now realize that it is highly unlikely that a real, dominant woman wrote the guide. It’s pure male fantasy. I’m sure, the writer is male. He is a very good writer and plausibly executes the male submissive fantasy in a style that convinced me it was real. How many potentially successful FLR’s have been doomed by “guides” like this?

A real-life power exchange like ours doesn’t begin the way the fantasies suggest. It started with my request we try it. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think I need discipline to be a good husband. She loves me just as I am. She pursues our FLR because she knows I want it. I am sure that is true for everyone else doing this as well.

Think about it. A man who doesn’t want to “change” isn’t going to take orders from his wife or let her spank him. If she threatens to leave, he will tell her to fuck herself and go on with his life. What we do is consensual. I want Mrs. Lion to take charge and punish me as needed. If I stop wanting it, she will stop. FLR is something it takes two to do. Both have to be willing.

Doesn’t that make sense? While the so-called guides claim we are weak and driven by sex, we aren’t. Yes, we want sex and will do a lot to get it. But we are adults who have other priorities. We only let our wives make rules and punish us because we want them to. It’s that simple.

Over the years, a lot of people, male and female, have made money or stoked their egos by feeding us our fantasies cloaked as fact. The reality is much simpler and easier to execute. Go ahead, read the guides. Let them turn you on. Just don’t make the mistake that your relationship will be much like the instructions you read.



  1. Author

    This is one of the reasons I wrote one! Not FLR, mind you, just Femdom. I think in the opening I say very clearly that yes I am in fact male….

  2. Author

    I’ve started finding penetration sometimes painful since menopause and I’m toying with the idea of chastity for my partner. I feel he may enjoy it, not full time but sometimes. I imagine locking him for one or two weeks. The catch is that we play with vibrators together and both enjoy this. Is there any point locking him in chastity if he has access to our vibrators though? I don’t want the level of control dynamic where I forbid him from using them. Can you see chastity play being worth a try even if he might relieve himself sometimes with vibration or is this is a non-starter?

    1. Author

      It is probably more fun if he is never permitted to relieve himself. The chastity device, if it’s a good one, helps enforce that rule. He may like the excitement of having to wait until you get him off. It’s the way it works with us and we both like it.

    2. Author

      Without a piercing, no chastity device is secure anyway. It stays on and unviolated by a sort of submission feedback look (controlled erection makes us submissive, makes it hard to cheat). So you could just agree that the device means no orgasm while worn. He gets off when you let him.

  3. Author

    I’ve had the same suspicion about Elise Sutton for years. Although some people claim to have met the elusive Elise (and I’ve seen what are claimed to be pictures), the website/book just *feels* like it was written by a guy. Or several guys.

    I think that one of the reasons that many women get turned off by some of this, is that almost everything they read was written by men, for other men.

    1. Author

      As we evolve actually practicing this stuff, it’s become obvious to me that the most popular “instructions” on DD are as impossible as the so-called chastity how-to’s. Women catch on at once. We are blinded by our fantasies.

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