Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote that she was no longer going to soap my mouth. She predicted that I wouldn’t mind her dropping it. I don’t. I hope that the reason isn’t that when she tried it a few weeks ago, I held it in my mouth long enough for it to burn me a little. Soap is alkaline. That’s what helps it to clean. The alkalinity over 15 or 20 minutes was enough to make my mouth burn for a day.

I wasn’t very troubled by this. It was a valuable lesson and a problem that is very easy to avoid. This sort of thing is bound to come up as we explore new techniques.

It’s not that other things she does to me don’t have lasting effects. Spanking can produce bruises that last for several days. CBT has bruised my penis on occasion. We’ve been doing these things a long time and Mrs. Lion frequently sees marks like this as symbols of her success. I agree.

Neither of us received much, if any, traditional corporal punishments as children. The entire concept of physical punishment is very new to us both. We have done lots of BDSM play over the years. But that was me bottoming because I like/need to bottom sometimes.

Now that we have adopted domestic discipline, corporal punishment is required. We have slowly learned that spanking me is not necessarily as memorable as it should be. Even very severe spankings are less impactful than I expected.

Adding punishment “desserts”: activities after the spanking that not only add additional painful stimulation, but also offer some humiliation and time to consider the consequences of my offense. Corner time is associated with punishing a naughty child. Other than the fact it is humiliating for a grown man to be placed in the corner, it also emphasizes the authority of his partner.

Mouthsoaping is also a traditional punishment for a naughty child. Typically, the naughty child’s mouth is thoroughly soaped with a washcloth or the adult’s hand. He then has to hold the bar in his mouth while receiving a lecture on the error of his ways. After the lecture, he can remove the bar and rinse his mouth. The taste of soap lingers long after the rinse.

You can see why this seemed an appealing concept to me. Actually experiencing it was no fun. I didn’t get lectured, but had to hold the soap in my mouth while sitting in the corner. It’s messy with soap and saliva running from my mouth.

I wanted to try it, and I did. The fact that Mrs. Lion has decided not to do this any longer is certainly her prerogative. I’m not going to argue. I hated sitting there with the soap in my mouth.

The concept that punishment should be spanking plus something else is very effective for me. Based on my reading, this is true of many other disciplinary couples. Perhaps doing something after the spanking serves to underline the significance of breaking a rule. The idea of a sore bottom and something that is truly unpleasant and lasts much longer after the spanking sends me, at least, a clearer message.

In that respect, mouthsoaping may be less of a desert than an appetizer. Soaping me after the spanking actually distracted me from the pain in my bottom and focused my attention on the yucky taste in my mouth. If I were soaped first, the pain of the spanking would overwhelm the bad taste in my mouth, at least while I was being beaten.

I think that one of the key concepts I’m discovering is that there are three things that effective punishment needs: First, it has to be very unpleasant/painful. Spanking covers that nicely. Second, it has to last long enough to make me really sorry I did something wrong. The corner time or other “dessert” fulfills that. Third, there should be lasting aftereffects. A sore bottom that hurts for days is an excellent reminder to behave.

Mrs. Lion is very inventive. She certainly can come up with all sorts of things I will hate. Soaping my mouth was something I suggested. It was effective in one sense, but didn’t really work for her. I’m sure she can manage punishing me without my creative input.

Last night I went in search of ideas for a post. As I said, I’m the play-by-play reporter. When we don’t play, there’s little to report. So I did a search for female led relationship images. I thought a picture might trigger an idea. Nope. So I tried domestic discipline. I got a lot of pictures of men spanking women and some pictures advocating Christian domestic discipline. Corner time and mouth soaping also showed up.

There was something about the mouth soaping that bothered me. I guess it’s weird that, of all the things we do, mouth soaping bothers me the most right now. I think we’ve only done it three times, but I’m not so sure I want to do it again. Why? I’m not sure. It just seems like it crosses a line. What line? No idea.

It took a while for me to come around to the idea of after spanking “dessert”. Standing in the corner or sitting on a stool doesn’t hurt. It may be boring. It may be tiring It may be uncomfortable. But it does not hurt. And yes I am aware that I just made a welcome mat covering for the stool. It will be uncomfortable. Mouth soaping goes beyond that.

I don’t think it’s dangerous. Lion would never allow himself to have something dangerous done to him. I guess it could actually be dangerous. I made Lion hold the soap for too long and burned his mouth. It wasn’t severe. It was more of a wake up call. Pay attention to what you’re doing. And maybe that’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that mouth soaping crosses the line.

It’s not like we have any money invested in it. We started off with Ivory we had around the house from way back when, when we decided to try it. Ivory was too harsh so we moved on to my soap. Lion can handle my soap as long as I only make him hold it for a short time.

I’m not sure how disappointed Lion will be that he won’t have soap dripping from his mouth. My guess is not much. Don’t worry, Lion. We’ll find something else to replace it.

Mrs. Lion has been busy with her do-it-yourself projects. I am sure that the new mat for the naughty stool is going to be very difficult for me. I didn’t ask for this, Mrs. Lion figured it out. All I did was pick up the mat at Home Depot, the best BDSM toy store out there. I think she is having fun with her projects.

I don’t think the mat will slip off the stool. There is some very coarse sandpaper glued to the seat. If she feels the need for a better attachment, we have some industrial Velcro in the camper (in the drawer under the stairs, Sweetie). A bit of that should do the trick for sure.

Some people say our relationship is not truly a FLR. The vast majority of the time we are partners. We consult as well as make individual decisions. But, we aren’t quite vanilla either. On any matter she chooses, Mrs. Lion can put down her paw and overrule me. Sometimes, she carries a paddle in her purse to help me remember she gets the last word. And, she knows how to use it.

Some people like rituals. They want to address each other in role-supporting names, like Mistress, or Queen. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It’s not us and it isn’t required in a FLR.

I think a lot of people believe that a FLR has to include submissive/subservient full-time behavior. As a result, they don’t even consider that they might be having a lifestyle, female-led relationship while believing they just like BDSM play.

The way I see it, there is a very fine line between so-called BDSM play and a FLR for couples. I expect that we are at the less intense level of FLR than some of our readers. That doesn’t change the fact that we are in a FLR.

I’ve been thinking about how I would define FLR vs BDSM. There are a few simple tests to help make the distinction:

  1.  Who has the final word in the case of a disagreement? If both people know and agree that She has the last word, that is one sign. However, there are FLR relationships where she actually doesn’t. It depends on how far into day-to-day living the FLR goes.
  2. Can the female partner require her male partner to do things that he wouldn’t do if she didn’t tell him? This is the blurriest of the tests. Many people who do BDSM scenes require the male to wear panties, etc. as part of the scenes. If she can also require him to wear them any time, scene or no scene, that suggests a male-submissive role.
  3. Can she punish him? By this, I don’t mean punishment scenes where he can stop it if he has had enough. I’m talking about punishment which he may get turned on thinking about, but in practice is anything but fun. I like to be spanked, but not as hard or as long as Mrs. Lion spanks me to teach me a lesson. There doesn’t have to be a reason for the punishment. It may just be Mrs. Lion making sure I know who is boss.
  4. Does she decide if and when he can ejaculate? Another tricky one. Some FLR’s don’t have any rule about the male jerking off. He can do what he wants with himself, but he also has to provide whatever sexual service his partner demands. I am not ever permitted to masturbate. The one and only way I can ejaculate is if Mrs. Lion provides the stimulation. I can be wild or locked in a chastity device. It doesn’t change the rule.
  5. Does he agree he always has to obey her? This is subtle too. I do agree I must always obey Mrs. Lion. But she doesn’t give me orders all the time. As I said before, most of the time we function as equals. But, when Mrs. Lion tells me to do something, I have to do it. If I don’t, I get punished.

These five tests should help you decide if you are in a FLR even though you may never considered it as your reality. The only reason I decided to write this list is that I see couples who say they just do BDSM scenes, but in fact are indistinguishable from us.

There is no set definition for any of this stuff. I’m suggesting that if you do fit into the model, you may be able to have more fun by acknowledging it. Besides, I always wanted to write a list post with 5 somethings that mean something. Indulge me.

[Mrs. Lion – Ironically, I asked Lion to buy a Powerball ticket because I thought it would be funny if we won something from opposite sides of the country. I forgot that his conference ran later Wednesday so he really can’t go buy a ticket. But at first I was annoyed. It seemed like a simple enough request. I went out of my way to buy one here. He could go out of his way to buy one there. Once he reminded me of his schedule it made sense. I still teased him in an email: “I still think you should go get one. Not that it matters. It won’t win. But because I asked you to. Do I have to meet you at the airport with a paddle?”] 

[Lion – I wrote her that it would be a good idea to meet me with a paddle. She replied that she would have the hairbrush paddle in her bag. Uh oh, back-of-the-truck, airport spanking?]

welcome mat for punishment stool
Lion’s sore butt will spend some quality time with this punishment stool cover.

I’m waiting for yet another repair/delivery person. I haven’t been sitting around twiddling my thumbs though. I’ve been marking and cutting the welcome mat for the punishment stool. We were wondering what we’d need to get through the rubber and coconut husk. It turns out a regular box cutter (razor blade) made it through the thin rubber without too much trouble and the coconut husk just went along for the ride.

I left three flaps to attach the mat to the stool to keep it from sliding when Lion sits on it. I’m still in the designing phase as to what the fasteners will actually be. I was thinking of buying some sort of strap. Then I thought I could make a strap. My concern is that the mat will tear once I cut slits for the strap. I may be overthinking. There shouldn’t be too much pressure on the slits. I’m only trying to hold it steady. Lion won’t want to wiggle very much I’m sure.

The longer flap on the right is for making contact with Lion’s balls and weenie. In the picture I have a piece of plastic holding the flap up. We need to find something to keep the flap from sagging. If the plastic is strong enough I can glue it in place. I’m a little unsure of the size and shape of the flap. I didn’t want it too big but I didn’t want it too small. I’m also wondering about rounding the end. I want a certain amount of Lion pain but I want to control the amount. I may want to keep my options open by having something that holds it up when I want it and doesn’t when I don’t.

Whatever I decide, Lion is in for some nasty corner time. Just what he wanted. Silly boy.