hypnotizedI believe in magic. No, not the stuff magicians do on stage; something completely different. Consider this: I know that when I am punished that it will hurt and possibly make me cry. I work hard to avoid being spanked. Yet, when I think about being spanked, I get aroused. When it’s time for punishment, my cock starts to get hard and I willingly place myself in range of Mrs. Lion’s paddle.

There’s an irresistible force that compels me to present my bare bottom to Mrs. Lion. It’s completely illogical. I don’t want what is about to happen. I hate how it feels. It doesn’t matter. I get aroused and find myself in position to feel that pain.

This isn’t the same as a child, head bowed, trudging into position for punishment. That unwilling cooperation comes from the recognition of superior physical and emotional power of the parent. I’m bigger and stronger than Mrs. Lion. I’m older than her. It doesn’t matter.

I’m not alone. Many guys are exactly the same. One plausible explanation is that in our male brains we think of spanking as a kind of sexy game. It turns us on, the theory goes, to think of that sexual control we feel when our naked butts are paddled or strapped. The force is strong enough to lead us to slaughter with our dicks at attention.

It’s true that we males are programmed to follow our cocks. It’s the mating imperative that keeps our species going. We are supposed to be in continuous heat and put mating on top of our priority lists. But we aren’t driven purely by instinct. We have intelligence and wills of our own. You’d think after the first couple of punishment spankings that sex would stop driving us to willingly submit.

Another argument, also plausible, is that I am naturally submissive. I am designed to obey despite the personal consequences. It’s that force that makes me present my bottom. That explanation is absolutely false for me. If it’s my submissive nature that makes me accept punishment, why do I get hard? I suppose there is the possibility that I find feeling such graphic control sexy. I can see that.

An explanation of why I behave this way is unimportant. The simple fact is that I do every single time Mrs. Lion wants to spank me. It’s a painful, humiliating activity that always turns me on to think about and that I willingly accept.

If you believe that magic is the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces, the force that ineluctably draws me to my doom must be magical. I am powerless to resist it. I welcome it and help maximize the pain I accept. It’s a powerful force. Even when I am screaming in pain it holds me fast in position. A hand, gently pushing on the small of my back creates a force field locking me in range of the paddle beating me.

Is this force sexual? Is it the way my brain is wired to associate the pain of punishment with sexual arousal? I suppose it must be. All I know is that even though I dread the pain I know is coming, I’m aroused when I picture myself naked, bottom exposed, waiting for the next swat.

If I stayed hard throughout the punishment, it would be fair to say that I am turned on by being punished. But I don’t. My erection disappears, not to return, once the spanking is only a few swats in. It’s as though I am turned on as a way to get me naked and in position. Once I am safely ready for beating, the arousal disappears and I experience the pain of retribution.

That has to be magic.

Lion and I are still very tired. You’d think we’d be able to sleep better now that we’re back together. We just have trouble sleeping period. My eyes were trying to slam shut all day yesterday so I delayed punishing Lion for interrupting me. It all works out though. Today is punishment day.

I guess Lion needs a refresher course in not interrupting. He did it a lot on Saturday and by Sunday I was completely done with it. I can understand when he gets home from a trip and he’s excited to tell me about it and excited to see me, but I will only tolerate it for so long. I know, I know. I shouldn’t tolerate it at all. He should perhaps get one warning glare and the next time it happens he’s toast.

Ordinarily I’d hit the end of my rope faster when I’m tired. I don’t know why it took me all the way to Sunday to put my foot down. He makes feeble excuses about why he does it. Not really excuses. That makes it sound like he’s trying to justify it to get out of punishment. He’s merely explaining himself. He knows he won’t escape once I put my foot down.

Tonight I will whomp on his sexy buns until I get them a wonderful shade of rosy pink and I’m satisfied that he’ll remember not to interrupt. For a few days at least. And then we’ll test out my handiwork on the welcome mat. Lion has suggested, silly boy, that I make a hole in the flap designed to hit his balls so I can tie his balls and affix the flap to them. I then suggested that I make him wear his collar so I can tie the flap to his collar. The problem with that is that he can sit hunched over to avoid having the mat dig into his balls. We’ll have to experiment to see what works best. And by that I mean what causes Lion the most problems.

Lion has suggested I take more active control in our FLR. I don’t know about that. I understand the appeal for him. I’m not sure there’s much appeal for me. Why would I want to order for him in a restaurant or tell him he can’t have ice cream or stop him from watching what he wants to watch on TV? Well, duh. Obviously because he wants me to. And I’ll probably end up trying it, kicking and screaming the whole way. And eventually I’ll just keep doing it because that’s my M.O. Not that there won’t be any positive aspects from it. If I stop Lion from eating ice cream or a big steak, his health will improve. For that reason alone it’s worth the effort. So off I go.

[Lion – Actually my motive is not just to have Mrs. Lion arbitrarily exercise control. There are two areas that her attention (and paddle) would provide a lot of help. One is weight control. Ordering for me and otherwise keeping me on the straight and narrow would be great. It would also help her raise her own awareness of what she eats. The second area is critical for me. I need her “help” remembering to do the exercises I need for physical therapy. I’m near the end of the time the repair will be plastic enough to let me extend my range of motion. Her paddle and crop will motivate me. I tend to be lazy about doing them. Once I get a little more physical therapy done, she could help me get the exercise I need to build back my strength and help thin me down.]

betamaleEveryone who writes about alternative sexual activity gets “How could you…” comments. Until now, I delete them. No more. Unless they are filled with biblical references or inappropriate attacks on specific sexual, racial or religious groups, I decided to share the hate with you.

I’m fascinated that someone who is so clearly offended by my lifestyle would not only read posts, but comment on them. I realize that some people love to read so that they can charge themselves up reading about people clearly inferior to them. If you want to know what I am reacting to, read the comments after the No Soap post.

There are two questions that I think bear considering: Why would I want to let myself be disciplined like a child? Why would I give my wife authority over me?

They’re big topics. Generally, we all shrug them off with vague mention of “submissive” or “BDSM scene”. I think both are superficial and beg the same question. No matter how you label the activities, I have done something that is shocking to the average person. The reason is very simple: Most people spend their lives struggling to be independent. Submitting to another is the last thing on their minds. If you add in the idea that in addition to allowing someone else to have authority of you, you also consent to them painfully punishing you if they don’t like your behavior, there is no way they can even imagine any sane person doing that.

I’ve observed that every objection to our lifestyle refers to my surrender. They don’t even mention how perverted it must be to have that power over another. Weird. Isn’t it just as perverted to be the spanker as it is to allow being spanked?

[Mrs. Lion – Actually the commenter did ask if I get some sexual satisfaction out of spanking Lion. I really think he only read enough to be outraged. Had he read more he might have gotten the answers he was looking for. In fairness, I find myself shaking my head at other blogs and articles, wondering why people do what they do. Or, more accurately, do they really do the things they say they do?]

The problem people have is not so much with spanking, for example. More than a few studies have found that the vast majority of people have spanking fantasies. They find it erotic thinking about spanking or being spanked. I agree. I found it very hot to think about. Males, in particular, enjoy fantasies of being sexually dominated.

Are people who object to what we do, hypocritical? They dream of participating in the same stuff we really do. I don’t think so. The objections cover a much deeper fear.

Allowing yourself to be subject to another’s authority is frightening. That’s what’s really behind the “How could you…” questions. Mrs. Lion can control my behavior. She can forbid me from watching football. She can enforce that ban by painfully punishing me if I disobey. For the record, we are both football fans and she would never do that unless it was a punishment. She can order for me at a restaurant. She requires me to be naked at home. She is in control.

That frightens a lot of people. Men fear the childlike loss of control of their lives. Women fear that their authority will drive their men away. Or, they worry that they will hurt them. It takes a lot of courage to create a 24/7 power exchange. We have one. Yes, it is consensual. I can end it. But I won’t.

There are times I hate my loss of control. I actively hate being punished, even though I get aroused thinking about it. Many men enter a spanking with an erection. It doesn’t last long. At the end they are totally flaccid and regret the behavior that brought the paddle down on them. Some people theorize that the erotic fantasy of the spanking is a major motivator to make me expose my bare bottom for spanking. That’s odd, since I know what will happen next might drive me to tears. I guess I am an odd critter.

Punishment is the most graphic symbol of our power exchange. The real surrender is my obedience to Mrs. Lion. It’s not out of fear of punishment; though that is in my mind when I consider any rebellion. It’s out of my conscious decision to obey. More importantly, I continue because I’m happier and our bond is stronger because we have a clear agreement as to who is in charge.

I know what you are thinking, “Would it work if you were in charge, Lion” I am sure it would. But I have a very important reason why I want Mrs. Lion to remain dominant. I believe that her role allows her to think of herself as important and worthy of attention. Too much of her life was spent with people ignoring her wishes. She learned to stop telling anyone what she wanted. She still doesn’t always tell me. But I am convinced that as she takes her role to heart, she will feel free to let me know what she wants for herself.

The other day, I wrote a post about the one thing that says you are in a FLR. Mrs. Lion always reads and corrects my posts before they’re published. No, she doesn’t censor me. She copy edits. After she read that post, I asked her the question:

Me: “Do you think we are in a female led relationship?”

Mrs. Lion: “Yes, I think we are.”

I had assumed that she was role playing as a way to make me happy because she knows I truly want a FLR. I was wrong. The metamorphosis from acting as if we have a FLR to actually being the disciplinary wife in a true FLR is well along. It’s happening to me too. I admit that enforced chastity and FLR started as erotic fantasies. Because Mrs. Lion has been very hesitant to exert her authority, I’ve been able to maintain some belief our FLR fulfills that fantasy. The hard reality of submitting to her hasn’t fully hit home.

When I think about it, the progression is very understandable. It starts with my fantasies about FLR and being spanked. Mrs. Lion sets some simple rules that assures I will be frequently punished. We develop a rhythm of offense and punishment. If you will, this provides the tempo for our nascent power exchange. Over time, we both accept our disciplinary relationship as a natural part of our lives. That’s where we are. Mrs. Lion accepts that she is truly in charge.

The next step is when she seriously takes charge of an area of my life that I control now. One, that she started before my surger, was control of my weight. We had a spread sheet with weekly weigh-in’s. No weight loss resulted in a punishment. It worked. I hope we start again. However, there is a next step for that too: It’s direct control of what I eat. Our old system depended on me making all my food decisions. The next step is asserting control of what I eat and how much.

That will be difficult for both of us. Imagine going out to dinner and Mrs. Lion changing my order because it is too caloric. Julie wrote about an adventure that was triggered by her changes of what her husband ordered for dinner (You can find it here). I think the next phase of our FLR is active control.

Currently, we have reactive control. I am free to do what I want, but if I break a rule I get punished. Active control is making decisions for me that help me obey rules. The center of FLR is obedience. Active control is exercising authority that requires real-time obedience. My weigh-in may be six days away, but my mandated weight loss program requires me to make the right food decisions. Mrs. Lion can help me learn the right decisions by directly controlling what I eat when we are together. Any “mistakes” when we aren’t together will be revealed at the weigh in.

I think active control is the most advanced form of FLR. We may be ready to try some of that now. Are we, Mrs. Lion?

carryonMy post yesterday did not mean that Lion was happy to see me because he didn’t have to carry his bag anymore. That was a part of it. I was showing the difference between us and the couple in which the wife was struggling with four bags while the husband failed to help. I wanted to help Lion. I waited for his bag at baggage claim so he wouldn’t have to. I would have carried his computer bag even if I hadn’t retrieved his suitcase first. My point was that I did those things out of love. In contrast, we didn’t have the jump-in-your-arms greeting of the younger couple. That doesn’t mean we weren’t happy to see each other. Trust me. I’ve had airport reunions with the ex that were nothing more than a limo driver waiting for a fare.

There were two things I left out of my post yesterday because they didn’t really fit in. One is that I noticed a stain on Lion’s shirt which is a punishable offense. When I pointed it out to him he said it’s difficult to eat on an airplane. Fair enough. I still reserve the right to punish him for it in the future. The other is that for some reason I was on the verge of tears when I was waiting for him and when I saw him. Why? I have no idea but it continued yesterday and into today.

At first, I thought maybe I was tired. We don’t sleep well when we’re apart and now that we’re back together we’ll both feel better. I can’t explain why it was happening yesterday or even today. I don’t normally get all weepy. It isn’t anything Lion is doing or not doing. I don’t think it’s really a reaction to Lion’s homecoming even though it corresponded with it. But maybe it is.

He was traveling quite frequently before his surgery. Then he was home for about four months as he recuperated. It seemed like a normal enough drop off at the airport when he left. I was as excited as I always am to pick him up. It was the normal length of a trip. Nothing really out of the ordinary except for the length of time between trips. So then what’s going on?

Sometimes Lion knows when something has happened or is about to happen. He’s creepy specific about it at times. I have similar feelings. I can never put my finger on it, but I’ll feel that something good or bad (I’ll know which it is) is going to happen. I can’t say, “John’s baby was born.” Lion can do that. I just know something is coming. Whatever is coming will be good. I don’t know how good, but good. Maybe it stems from Lion’s trip which is why I didn’t get the vibe until I was at the airport.

Whatever’s going on, I’m very happy that Lion and I are in the same time zone again. It’s always better when we’re together.