Around and Around We Go

Lion says we don’t fight enough. Presumably, if we fought more, I’d punish him more often. If history has told us anything, it’s that this is not true. I don’t like confrontation. I get even more quiet in a fight. I may stick up for myself for a bit, but then I get quiet. Years of fighting with my ex left me with one conclusion – I am wrong. Well, two conclusions – I also hate fighting.

Yes, I can eliminate fighting if I just whip out a paddle and show him who’s boss. “All I have to do”, you say. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Yup. Sure. Lion even says I should feel better after I punish him. So far I’ve been concentrating on spanking him correctly – hitting him in all the right spots while avoiding the wrong spots. I haven’t really thought about what he’s done and the fact that he’s paying for it. Somehow I think that will make me feel worse.

I guess we’ll find out tonight. I’m supposed to punish Lion for stomping all over me while I made iced tea last night. I was going to do it one way but his way was better. He was sure of it. He had no idea how I was going to do it, but he was right. And this morning he wrote a comment to my post from yesterday. It sounded like he was trying to justify being snarky. The thing is, he wasn’t wrong. I am inconsistent. But it made me feel bad and he’s supposed to pay for making me feel bad. Even if I feel worse doing it. I remain unconvinced. Obviously.

He feels bad for making me feel bad. I told him I need to grow a pair. He says my feeling bad for punishing him is all part of growing a pair. This reminds me of the other day when he was mad at me for being mad at him. And then I was mad at him for being mad at me for being mad at him. It’s all very circular reasoning. Around and around we go.