Lion says we don’t fight enough. Presumably, if we fought more, I’d punish him more often. If history has told us anything, it’s that this is not true. I don’t like confrontation. I get even more quiet in a fight. I may stick up for myself for a bit, but then I get quiet. Years of fighting with my ex left me with one conclusion – I am wrong. Well, two conclusions – I also hate fighting.
Yes, I can eliminate fighting if I just whip out a paddle and show him who’s boss. “All I have to do”, you say. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Yup. Sure. Lion even says I should feel better after I punish him. So far I’ve been concentrating on spanking him correctly – hitting him in all the right spots while avoiding the wrong spots. I haven’t really thought about what he’s done and the fact that he’s paying for it. Somehow I think that will make me feel worse.
I guess we’ll find out tonight. I’m supposed to punish Lion for stomping all over me while I made iced tea last night. I was going to do it one way but his way was better. He was sure of it. He had no idea how I was going to do it, but he was right. And this morning he wrote a comment to my post from yesterday. It sounded like he was trying to justify being snarky. The thing is, he wasn’t wrong. I am inconsistent. But it made me feel bad and he’s supposed to pay for making me feel bad. Even if I feel worse doing it. I remain unconvinced. Obviously.
He feels bad for making me feel bad. I told him I need to grow a pair. He says my feeling bad for punishing him is all part of growing a pair. This reminds me of the other day when he was mad at me for being mad at him. And then I was mad at him for being mad at me for being mad at him. It’s all very circular reasoning. Around and around we go.