Lion is an all or nothing kind of guy. If something is broken, you fix it right away even if it’s inconvenient. My windshield cracked and he was on the phone with the insurance company setting up an appointment for a replacement. I was content to wait a bit. The cracks were out of line of sight. Chances are I’ll get hit again soon. Let it be. Nope. Fix it now. Fine. And then there was the problem of a wobbly rear view mirror and Lion telling me I needed to demand it be fixed now. Right now. Call them. Call them now.

I think he’s doing the same thing with punishment. Why not? He does it with everything. He identifies what he believes is the problem and then we have to test that theory. Before I know what I’m doing with that, we’re off on the next problem. Why can’t I concentrate on this on aspect? No, no, no. This will fix everything. Except there’s always something else that will fix something else. Or we were doing it all wrong to begin with.
I don’t mind experimenting. I don’t mind taking wrong turns. We started punishment swats and he wondered if I’d do anything besides spanking as punishment. The swats needed to be hard and send a message. No wait. There should be a warm-up. No wait. There should be a “dessert” to the punishment. No wait. There needs to be begging and whimpering involved. No wait. (I don’t know what the next thing will be. I just know there will be a next thing.)

The problem is that I’m still dealing with the warm-up. It took a while for me to deal with hard swats. I figure that out and we’re already on to the next thing. Before I get comfortable with the current method, there’s a new current method. It’s hard to hit a target when the target keeps moving.

The latest moving target is the idea of Lion begging for me to stop during punishment swats. He needs to surrender to me. Okay. It will help me. Okay. I’ll feel more powerful if he’s a crying, whimpering mess. Okay. It’ll be better if his legs are flailing like a toddler’s. Okay.

This is why he hates when I say “Okay”. He’s pretty sure he’s lost me and I don’t care any more. What’s happening in this case is that I’m trying to figure out why I can’t just get comfortable with hitting the right spots with the right intensity as well as adjusting to his level of discomfort. Why can’t I just learn to read his reactions? Why do I have to think about “dessert” and the best mouth soaping technique? Does that have to happen now when I’m trying to figure out how hard to hit him and how long to hit him to satisfy whatever it is that I’m trying to satisfy to make sure he thinks before he interrupts me again? It’s a lot to get my mind wrapped around. Let’s add more.

I think, and this is just a theory, the reason I back way off from playing/taking charge/doing things to Lion is that I get overwhelmed. Things come at me from all directions and I get frozen. I can’t do anything because there are too many things to do. Again, just a theory.


  1. Author

    Is he ever going to be happy with how you punish him or will he only be happy when you set his Ball’s on fire and chopped his finger’s off . But will he find a better way of doing this . Maybe he should just learn to not break the rules like a grown up .

  2. Author

    Honestly, it reads like Lion is topping from the bottom. He’s in control. He’s making demands. He’s getting what he wants. It sounds like you back off because you’re not in control, not able to do what you want because you can’t get comfortable with the situation or do things as you want to.
    I understand Lion presenting it like he’s being helpful, but all he is doing is making things worse. In my opinion, he should be banned from any further research, reading, or offering of suggestions. What works for one Domme or sub, may not work for you two (see the ivory soap-it is never right or enough). If You want to explore or read up and change things up, that’s up to you. A good sub takes what a Domme is offered and is grateful for that-whatever it is. Honestly I think you are on to something with this post and I would encourage your to keep reflecting.

  3. Author

    The bottom line is: You will never be able to fully please and completely satisfy both Yourself and/or Your has-to-be-in-control lion!

    1. Author

      I’m not sure Lion is actually topping from the bottom. I think he just gets so excited about things and can’t help himself. I need to be able to point out when he gets to be too much.

  4. Author

    Yes you need to stop him doing this . It must drive you mad

  5. Author

    Ultimately you need to decide whether you want to be in control or not. It reads as though your heart is not in it and Lion thrashes around like a lose string in the wind and behaves like an undisciplined child or untrained puppy.
    If you do want the lifestyle then take control and use whatever levers you are comfortable with but be determined and be firm. Once you have tamed your Lion you will probably both be happier.

  6. Author

    I have always wondered why someone who asked their spouse to be in charge and do the kinky things they want to have done to them not speak up and say no I’m not satisfied with what you are doing, or no you are not giving me what I want even though they asked the other person to be in charge it does not mean that they are really in charge of the relationship they are really just saying they will take charge of initiating sex more often due to them now knowing they are in charge, if you feel overwhelmed with Lion constantly saying do this try this I got us this new toy try these punishments change your attitude towards me etc etc etc, if your in charge your allowed to say stop making me initiate sex all the time your allowed to since he asked you to be in charge your allowed to tell him how you want him to be and it could be that maybe you just want him to court you agian ask you out on a date have him drive you have him pay have him take your hand have him romance you have him be the gentalman man that you want when you want it and not the submissive telling you all these kinky things to do and try on them. It’s okay to not do kinky things it’s okay to say I’m in charge but I’m telling you to be in charge and not ask me to make decisions for right now. His happiness relys on your happiness and since he asked you to be in charge it shouldn’t be the other way around.

    1. Author

      I agree completely. I had this conversation with Mrs. Lion many times. I don’t really ask her to change many things. Mostly, I repot what I discover. My options are to stop sharing (I don’t want to do that) or she tell me we will or won’t try it. I’m fine with that.

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