Lion escaped punishment this morning by losing weight. I gained about what he lost, thus proving that weight isn’t really ever lost so much as it’s passed from one person to another. I also think that I’ve been eating more since he’s gotten home than I did while he was away. And I was eating salads versus “regular” food which won’t help with weight loss. In short, Lion is sabotaging me. I’m kidding. He’s not doing anything on purpose. But he is quick to tell me when I have a snack since that adds extra calories, even if it is a banana. What I really need to do is exercise more than just making more trips up and down the stairs at work.

On Thursday, Lion worked from home while his car was being repaired. Since he was home, I thought it would be the perfect time for him to wear the new cage. That way, if he needed to get out of it in a hurry, he could. We both forgot before I left the house, so he asked in an email if he could remove the Jail Bird himself. It was the first time he’s ever removed it. He said it was a bit difficult. Good! That’s one thing I don’t want it to be user-friendly; at least for him.

When I removed the new cage last night, he had similar sore spots as the first time he wore it for a few hours. He’d smoothed out the texture on most of the ring, but he must have missed a few spots. He asked to be wild last night to let it heal. Of course, I said yes. This morning he says he thinks he could wear the Jail Bird. He’s still sore, so I’m letting him remain wild. I also relieved him of wearing the training collar so it wouldn’t irritate the area either. Don’t worry. I’ll be keeping a close eye on him.

It will be interesting to see if Lion’s good behavior holds even though he’s not wearing the training collar. I don’t usually zap him while we’re out, since he seems to mind his manners. Will he be a brat without the collar? We have a lot of chores to do this weekend. That’s plenty of opportunities for him to slip up. I know he’ll try to be a good boy. Let’s see if he makes it.

yes no maybe keys
Edge me? Orgasm? Punish? All decisions that challenge Mrs. Lion.

One of the most difficult issues that Mrs. Lion and I face is consistency. It isn’t Mrs. Lion’s problem; it’s mine. There is something in the DNA of submission that craves utter consistency about everything in the power exchange. This need can get pathological. In fact, I suspect that many budding D/S relationships die birthing because of the impossible demands that submissive partner puts on his spouse.

I admit that I suffer from a mild form of this disease. Mrs. Lion has been extremely kind about indulging me. One area that is particularly sensitive for me is teasing. When we first started enforced chastity, I was afraid that Mrs. Lion would lock me up and let me stew for a long time before her weenie would see the light of day. I was pretty paranoid about this.

Mrs. Lion obligingly edged me every other day. I was still unhappy. So, being the sweetheart she is, I got unlocked almost every day. In fact, when there is a good reason to skip a day, she is apologetic. I’m grateful for her concern. She wants to make me happy. She does. I love the sexual attention.

Our power exchanges have matured. I no longer fear that I will be locked and forgotten. I know that Mrs. Lion thinks about her weenie. She isn’t going to forget that I love the sex she gives me. I think it’s time that I let her know that the every-day edging isn’t something I need. It’s something I like; the same way I like orgasms.

The other night she mentioned that she sometimes feels bored unlocking and edging me every night. I can understand that it can almost feel like a chore. I don’t want that. It’s not fair. In a way, I am controlling her. I’m not suggesting that she never edge me. I think she should unlock me when she feels like it. When I got home from my last trip, I was as horny as I always am after five days. There was no edging while I was away. So, the old argument that without frequent teasing, I will lose interest isn’t always correct.

Teasing, like orgasms, could be at Mrs. Lion’s whim. I know that orgasm timing is something she thinks about. We discussed it the other night. I don’t have any real ideas either. I know, I know, many readers think that the longer the wait, the better. We don’t agree with that. I admit that I like it when I look at the “Lion’s Sex Life” widget and it shows my wait is long. Of course, I love it when I get to ejaculate. It’s a puzzlement.

There are times when it is logical that I not get edged or given an orgasm: after I get punished is one example. I think that when I am punished, I don’t deserve sexual attention. The punishment is absolutely not sexual; not one bit. So following it on the same day with sex, is a bit confusing to me. I also think that maybe in addition to spanking, some additional consequences may be in order.  One possibility that I guarantee I will not like, is withholding sexual activity for a time.

Mrs. Lion has resisted this as a consequence of naughtiness. I am not suggesting that she should change her thinking. See? I am not trying to make things worse for myself; just attempting to rationalize things. I think that there should be no sexual activity close (and that can be days) to a punishment. As punishments get more painful, any sex should be avoided. Besides, I am not very responsive after being beaten.

There’s no question that I love sexual attention. It’s amazingly nice that I get it daily. But if this frequency of attention is starting to feel like a chore to Mrs. Lion, it’s time for a change. Maybe edging should be a reward. Maybe Mrs. Lion should edge me when she gets that urge to make me come. Undoubtedly, that will reduce my actual orgasm frequency. But it may make edging as special for Mrs. Lion as it is for me.

 

Lion has proposed a new concept. A few actually. He doesn’t think he should be edged on nights that he’s punished. He thinks I should edge him when I feel he’s earned it. And orgasms should also happen when he’s earned them. He’s trying to make me feel less pressure to edge him every night.

A long time ago, I said I might get bored. I didn’t mean I’d get bored with Lion himself. I meant sex/play every night could get boring after a while. Even in the beginning of our relationship, Lion got most of the sex. I didn’t need sex every night and there’s a certain amount of work involved in amusing a lion every night. I concentrated more and more on him and less and less on myself.

Eventually, it did get boring. And I wondered why it was always all about him. Why couldn’t he initiate? What about me? So we stopped playing. We rarely had sex and, when we did, it was usually still all about Lion. It’s not his fault. I never told him what I was feeling. Well, I may have a few times. His response was that it was difficult for him to initiate and that was the end of it. Sex became nonexistent for me and almost nonexistent for Lion.

Fast forward (although it wasn’t all that fast) to three years ago when Lion suggested enforced chastity. Remembering the past with sex every night, I thought it would be a compromise to edge him every other night. He wanted more, so we went to every night. I have flashbacks to the beginning when I gave him a hand job or blow job every night, especially when I’m giving him a hand job every night. The difference, of course, is that the goal is usually not ejaculation. In some ways it would be easier to go for gold. There’s no need to be tuned into the faces he makes or when his toes curl or when his balls contract so I can stop in time. Orgasm is the prize and we’re going full steam ahead. Now, if I’m not paying close enough attention (or sometimes despite the fact I’m paying close attention), he can have a ruined orgasm. Not the goal at all.

So let’s get to the new concepts. The other night, I was sort of rambling on the way home from the theater. I said I didn’t know if it was better for me to set an orgasm date in my head or not. Suppose I set the date to a week from Wednesday. On the Monday before, I really want to give Lion an orgasm, but I know the date is two days away. There’s a certain amount of pressure to wait. On the other hand, if I don’t set a date, then I’m apt to just give him an orgasm whenever I want to. Waits be damned. Which is why I don’t know if I can get behind the idea of not edging him on nights he’s punished. What if I want to play on those nights? What if I’ve been thinking about the Magic Wand all day and he goes and spills food on himself at dinner?

And how am I supposed to determine when Lion has earned an edging or an orgasm? We don’t have a point system in place and I don’t anticipate having one. Is it some feeling I’ll have? Did he take out the garbage when asked, so he deserves to be edged? And what if I feel he hasn’t done enough to be edged? How long will he wait before he needs to go back to being edged every night? And how long will it be before not edging him is the norm? We’ll be right back to where we were before enforced chastity.

I’m definitely having trouble with these ideas. Lion thought he was being helpful giving me options. I think I’m more comfortable with things the way they are. For now, at least.

[Lion – I’m not at all comfortable with it being all about me. I hate it, in fact. However, it’s not fair for me to demand that Mrs. Lion get orgasms. That’s just more pressure for her. We’ve been discussing this for a while now. Maybe after her shower tonight I’ll see if I can get her frisky and please her. Most important to me is that I make her happy. If no sex makes her happy, then no sex; at least for her. We’re still learning.]

go to jail card
It’s time for me to draw this card every time I disobey, even for trivial things.

Mrs. Lion and I both started domestic discipline without much real information. Sure, I’ve read lots of accounts on the Web about FLR and domestic discipline, but neither of us has actually talked with another couple who practices this. As a result, we’ve been feeling our way along in isolation. We would love to meet others in real life who practice this.

We’re both logical people. So we agreed to try male domestic discipline and then figure out how we could actually put it into action. We started with some rather trivial rules: no food spilled on my shirt, don’t eat before my lioness, don’t interrupt. Since I’m bound to break those rules fairly often, it gave us a chance to experience punishments. It’s taken us many months to get spankings painful enough to be a true deterrent. We still aren’t there yet, but Mrs. Lion is on her way.

As we mature in this practice, my rules have also expanded into areas that are more meaningful to our relationship. I am not allowed to shift a conversation so it is about me. Interrupting has been elevated into a much more important offense. I am also not allowed to expect Mrs. Lion to do something as soon as I think about it. No more, “Now, please!” I still have to keep my shirt clean and Mrs. Lion considers me eating first as a severe breech of manners. I agree.

We have a way to go. Punishments are limited to spanking so far. The intensity is probably lower than it should be. But there is rapid progress. I had a sore spot from Monday night that lasted all the way to Wednesday morning. Mrs. Lion is reluctantly increasing the intensity and, most importantly, the duration of spankings.

In case you wonder, the reason the spankings grow in pain and length is to make them true deterrents to future transgressions. I like to be spanked, though not the way I am currently punished. The advice of other spanking wives on the Web seem extreme (here’s one account). Mrs. Lion can’t ever see herself being that severe. She’s said that before, then 2.0 arrived. What we’re learning is that adult, non-recreational spanking is a bruising, painful event. It’s simply not effective unless it is. I think in my case, it’s what is best for me. We know we need to progress in the punishment department, so that trivial rules remain to give us more practice.

There’s also been progress in the definition of what earns me a punishment. I don’t have any particular problems that cry out for redress. So, for a long time Mrs. Lion was stumped as to where we should go next.  One area Mrs. Lion is only starting to explore is failure to do a required task. The first one that earned me a spanking was forgetting to wear my  training collar when we went out together. I have a standing rule that I must wear the collar anytime we are out together.  I’m careful to put it on now! In fact, last Sunday, I put it on in the morning so that when we eventually went shopping, it would be in place.

I wouldn’t have done that if the punishment for forgetting was mild. That’s why I’m starting to realize that I have to seriously fear the consequences for a rule to be truly effective. That’s beginning to happen. The objective isn’t to severely punish me. It’s to severely punish me enough so I won’t earn another spanking later.

The other day, Mrs. Lion asked me to take out the garbage. I was working from home, so it made sense for me to do in during the warmer daytime hours. It’s very cold having to bring the garbage out in our unheated garage on a winter night. Especially since I am required to be naked. I remembered to do it. While carrying it out, I realized that a very useful rule to consider is that if I forget to do anything Mrs. Lion asks me to do, I get severely punished. It’s up to me to work out how I will remember. I avoided forgetting the training collar by wearing it all day. I can probably make a list or do something else to assure I do what I am asked.

This is a very new idea for us. Up until now, I am only punished for offenses that have been explicitly defined in advance. I think Mrs. Lion considers an unannounced rule unfair to punish. However, one of the key tenets of FLR and domestic discipline is obedience. I’ve learned that being punished is a great memory aid. I’m proposing that if I fail to do something I was asked to do, I get punished. I think that the next logical step is to hold me accountable for all failures to obey, regardless of how trivial.

The reason I think this is important is that it will move us both closer to the real meaning of FLR/DD. I perform better when things are reasonably black and white. Mrs. Lion does better that way too. In the beginning I know my bottom will be sore quite a bit. But after a time, the length depending on the severity of the punishment, I will learn to always do what I am told. Punishment is a great memory aid.