For people who seem to be living a very exciting, kinky life, there are an awful lot of lulls in ours. I think that is just an artifact of integrating kink into our daily lives. In the beginning, when a kink is newborn in our lives, everything is exiting. It’s fun to read about what others do and discuss possibilities with each other.
Feeling the sensations for the first time is amazing. I want more, more! It was a great feeling the first time Mrs. Lion clicked the lock on that Chinese chastity device. It took her a while. My penis just wouldn’t cooperate and get soft.
Now, after three years, the chastity device is just part of me. It feels a bit odd when it’s not locked on. I don’t spend any time thinking about it. Mrs. Lion doesn’t either. When she decides it’s time to play, she unlocks it and removes the cage. I take off the base ring. When she is finished, I put the ring back on and she locks the cage in place. Done. Enforced chastity is no longer a novelty. We don’t even think of it as a kink. It’s just something we do. If we weren’t writing this blog, I’d be surprised if we discussed it at all.
When a kink becomes a routine part of life, one of two things can happen. Most commonly, I think, the people involved believe it has stopped being fun. So, in the case of enforced chastity, the device goes into the underwear drawer never to be seen again. Less often, as in our case, the practice becomes part of the couple’s lifestyle. It isn’t expected to be a turn on. It is something that has value and feeds the greater good of the relationship.
In our case, Mrs. Lion does keep it exciting by making comments she knows will excite me. Every so often she makes a reference to “her weenie”, or the fact that I can’t even get hard without her help. “Too bad,” she’ll say, “You just have to wait until I feel like unlocking you.”
I love those comments. But with or without the commentary, I remain locked in a chastity device. I no longer think of enforced chastity as particularly kinky. Now it is a good idea, like wearing a jacket in cold weather. Forget to put it on and I will get sick. Of course, there is a very good reason that enforced chastity is a permanent part of our lives. It uses a force that can break up a marriage to bring us closer.
There seems to be a natural loss of intimacy in a relationship over time. Sex becomes routine. Both partners lower the priority of physical intimacy in favor of routine non-sexual activities. Bedtime becomes time for sleep. Contact is a quick kiss goodnight before rolling over and going to sleep. That happened to us.
Male sexuality, however, doesn’t die easily. Guys in this situation will find alternative sources of satisfaction. On the mild end, they masturbate. Porn and their hands replace their partner for sexual fun. At the other end of the spectrum, one or both partners find other sexual relationships. Now, in addition to physical alienation, there are destructive secrets. Things don’t end well in this situation.
Enforced chastity makes it impossible for the male to masturbate. That means his sexual energy will build. Sooner or later he will try to convince his partner that he should have some sex. Most of the people who write about chastity will correctly interpret this as a shift in the power balance of the relationship. The woman can use his need for release as leverage to gain control. Lots of male fantasies are about what happens when she realizes she has so much power.
Our case isn’t like that at all. True to form, my growing sexual frustration did drive me to approach Mrs. Lion for teasing or release. Over time, our sex life became a nearly-daily tease or release. It hasn’t gotten old for either of us. We like the tension and the physical closeness enforced chastity had brought us. It’s not about her penis being locked up so much as it is about her ability to control my release and my extreme pleasure at having her take this on.