What Makes Punishment Spanking Misery?

I didn’t plan on writing about spanking yet again, but we got a comment reacting to my post on domestic discipline spanking. I think this comment reflects reactions we have gotten in the past. Our friend, Anonymous offered a very interesting comment. He began by saying that he has had a lifelong interest in spanking and has been spanked by partners and professionals.

He said,

“Still, I read blog post after blog post, and have even submitted to a real punishment spanking from a professional disciplinarian so I could try to understand what DD is all about. I still have a hard time really getting the “why” behind subjecting yourself to such misery.

I’ve always found that DWC description to be pretty ugly, not only what you quoted (“There is no question that welts will be raised and bottoms bruised”) but especially this: ‘Don’t pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits. If it gets out of hand, give him a smack or two on the back of his thighs. If you give a spanking the way it should be given, the results should still show a week later. He should wince every time he tries to sit for days after.’

That seems gratuitously brutal and nasty. It suggests there are few limits to what the wife will do. Many of the posts I see from wives who do this (not your wife) are pretty mean-spirited about the whole thing and pretty cavalier about the distress inflicted on the husband.”

I’m pretty sure that our commentor has experienced strong spankings now and then. He may have even had bruises and welts. I have.

For more than two decades I was a practicing top. I administered hundreds of spankings. Some of them would seem to be brutal and cruel. A few times, dungeon monitors approached to intervene. They didn’t because I have a long reputation as an ethical top. My bottom screamed and cried. I ignored her protests, just the way Aunt Kay instructs. How could I be that unfeeling? The answer is very simple: the bottom didn’t use her safeword. I checked in with her during the ordeal and assured myself she wasn’t in “sub” space or in some other way incapable of telling me to stop. I continued until I felt that she had enough.

I knew when she was “done” through experience with her. I had spanked her many times. When I finished, she lay relaxed on the table with a small smile on her face. After she had time to recover, I got hugs and sincere thanks. I wonder if Anonymous had similar experiences.

When I bottomed, I accepted much more severe spankings than I have ever received as punishment. The difference between those and domestic discipline was twofold: First, my spanker built up the force of the blows, allowing my endorphin release to keep pace. Second, I was in control. I could stop the scene at any time.

Spanking me as a punishment would be ineffective if I could control the intensity and duration of my spanking. While there isn’t a safeword, my protests and cries could have the same effect. The net result is that I would control the activity. That’s not what I want in discipline.

I suspect that the issue for people who consider DD to be cruel and brutal is the perception that the disciplinary wife will administer truly horrid, corporeal punishment. Even those disciplinary wives who write posts on how they punish, if they are real, undoubtedly control the amount of punishment they administer.

It seems to me that what seems brutal and cruel isn’t the punishment, but rather the lack of control that I have as the disciplined husband. As Anonymous said:

“For some reason, I really want to wrap my head around this, but can’t. If I were subjected to what you are subjected to, the last thing I would want to do is “snuggle” or “edge” or anything with my wife. I’d just do what I could to avoid her. All I can come up with is that the emotional “security” or some other feeling this brings up far outweighs the physical trauma.”

The assumption that I am subjected to physical trauma that exceeds what I have enjoyed in a play situation, just isn’t correct. The disciplinary spankings I have received to date are very painful, but aren’t close to the level of “recreational” spankings I have received. The lack of build up makes my disciplinary spankings truly unpleasant. I hate them Aren’t I supposed to feel this way?

The reason I am happy to snuggle and have sexual teasing afterward is because I asked for this lifestyle. Domestic discipline is consensual. I agreed to it. I knew from the beginning that I would be punished in ways I would hate. That’s what makes it punishment. I had no illusions that there would be times I would hate this power exchange. I may want to surrender on one level, but parts of me fights it tooth and nail.

Anonymous asks:

“Is there ever any post-spanking debrief about what was done and how it affected you? If so, does it lead to any adjustments in how it’s handled?”

Yes, we do discuss the punishment and my reactions to it. Most often I ask Mrs. Lion to be less concerned about my reactions and more interested in providing strong correction that will inspire me to be a better lion. For the record, I was spanked last night; 8 swats. I spent the evening watching TV lying on my stomach. I guess it’s quality, not quantity.

I am grateful that Mrs. Lion cares enough to make rules and enforce them. My gratitude for giving me a lifestyle I need far outweighs the temporary discomfort I earn by misbehaving.

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  1. Author

    Thanks for the response, Lion. Yes, I definitely have had strong spankings. I’ve had the skin torn. I’ve also had bruising and welts.

    I have experienced calm afterward and in some cases hugged the spanker afterward. However, these were pros, not my wife. It was not done for “real” offenses, and the decision to do it was not imposed upon me. I requested it.

    I guess I didn’t think I was implicitly assuming that the level of trauma was greater than what you experienced in play situations. I hadn’t even considered whether and to what extent you had those experiences. It’s so very subjective when it comes to characterizing the harshness of a spanking.

    I don’t think DD is inherently brutal or cruel. It depends on how its practiced. However, the descriptions I’ve seen and videos I’ve watched are at times very rough.

    The pro I was seeing sent me a DD video of what she considers a “good” punishment spanking scenario. I thought it was brutal. She was just fine with it, and said she would’ve been harsher in her own relationship. This difference in perspective has made me somewhat leery of her at times.

    After watching the video she sent me, I went so far as to count the number of strokes with each implement and to create a transcript of the spankee’s reactions and how the wife handled them. The guy was visibly shaken and frightened. She laid into him hard from the outset with an initial uninterrupted volley of 87 hard hairbrush strikes and 17 uninterrupted overhead bathbrush strikes. The total number of hairbrush strikes was 161 and the total number of bathbrush strikes was 33. He began crying after the first 50 hairbrush strikes and continued to beg and plead for it to stop. He never safeworded, but that’s likely because there is no safeword.

    So, punishments like that and others described or depicted similarly are behind my comments. Eight swats, while undoubtedly painful, is far from what I routinely see depicted and described. Mrs. Lion’s recent post said she hits you until you appear to be unable to “take anymore” which did sound pretty rough, but apparently not as rough as the play you’ve engaged in.

    In the video, the husband did hug her in the end, and apparently is OK with it. Still, it can be awful to watch.

    1. Author

      Perhaps domestic discipline isn’t a spectator sport. I’ve seen videos like that. In my years as a dungeon master keeping play parties safe, I’ve seen a few scenes like the one you describe. I’ve talked to the spankee both before and after these scenes. For whatever reason, this seemingly-brutal spanking was not only accepted, it was eagerly anticipated and appreciated.

      I don’t know what movies are playing in their heads, but these spankings fill a deeply-rooted need. The pain is real. The crying and begging are real too. What we can’t see is the emotional hole all this pain and suffering are filling. Even though there may be no safeword, DD and its consequences is consensual.

      1. Author

        Logically, it seems like that must be the case. It’s hard to accept that when I watch them, but they’re videoing them, so they must “want” it for some reason. It’s odd because I’ve been around BDSM (to varying degrees) for almost 30 years in one way or another and have more trouble with DD than any of that. Thanks again for the benefit of your insight.

  2. Author

    In answer to your question for me, the worst part of a punishment spanking is the waiting! You have an idea what’s coming and you just want it to be over with, but know you have to wait! My mind playing tricks into what’s in store.

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