What Was I Thinking?

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion gave me a couple of assignments. They were straightforward. I joined our local community center and approved of the fitness facilities there. I also had women’s panties on when Mrs. Lion got home. The first assignment was a sensible attempt to help me get out of the house and help me stop fretting about being out of work. The second was, well, just an assignment. I got no sexual arousal out of being in panties. I certainly wouldn’t have put them on without being ordered. You may be wondering why I had them in the first place.

They didn’t just appear in my chest of drawers. I ordered them like the diapers and other things that might contribute to my domination. I purchased them because, at the time it seemed like a hot idea. What changed? Why then, isn’t wearing panties hot now? Why don’t I like wearing diapers? What in the world was I thinking?

I was thinking the same kind of thoughts that I had when I ordered new paddles. That’s not a very good answer. All of this sort of activity is motivated by my imagination. In my mind, I saw these implements being used by Mrs. Lion to wield her power. I was aroused by these thoughts. So, I talked to her about these thoughts and acquired the means to put them into practice. I never expected to enjoy it when she put me in panties or diapers. I knew I would hate those new paddles bruising my butt. For that matter, I knew there would be a lot of times I would hate wearing a chastity device.

In the ideal, disciplined male world, the keyholder/disciplining wife would get great enjoyment out of humiliating and painful challenges for her male. She would love seeing him in girly panties, laugh at his “cowboy walk” in a full diaper, and enjoy giving him long, painful spankings. That’s what all the fantasies are about. Some women actually like one or more of those things. Brava! But most, like Mrs. Lion, don’t seem to get any real pleasure out of inflicting these things on their males. But, maybe we are focusing on the wrong st uff.

All this embarrassing and painful activity does have a more subtle value: They underline the power exchange between the partners. And that does turn me on. If I wanted to run around in panties, being told to wear them wouldn’t reinforce Mrs. Lion’s power over me. She would be indulging a kink. If I liked punishment spankings, then getting them would be a reward.

What I was thinking, albeit on a subconscious level, when ordering these things I hate, was that I was providing tools to reinforce our agreed power exchange. I was exposing my vulnerable underbelly to help Mrs. Lion facilitate her conquest. Now that I have to live with the exploitation of these vulnerabilities, there are times I kick myself for being so helpful. However, I do benefit from this; at least in the sense of, “One day you will thank me for this.”

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